


Forget About Your House of Cards

by sunflowerthommy



Category: Radiohead (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Drunk Sex, Fluff, Friendship, I love some good friendship, M/M, Oral Sex, There's just some nice friendship and I love it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-07 18:18:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 44,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8811223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowerthommy/pseuds/sunflowerthommy
Summary: There comes a point in everyone’s lives when you go through a journey of self-discovery.  For some it’s early in their lives, for others it’s later. Everyone grows at a different rate. Jonny had his epiphany when he was 40. He divorced his wife and focused solely on composing music…. And men.Thom, a 20-something year old pianist, has his life all figured out. Move to London, become a featured soloist for the London Contemporary Orchestra, and settle down with a nice lady. But when one day, the Jonny Greenwood comes in to rehearse a show with the featured soloists, Thom realizes his life was more than meets the eye.Aka a story about Thonny and their journeys of self-discovery. And a lot of gay.Enjoy!





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man here we go. This will be a crazy adventure for me and I hope you guys like as much as I enjoy writing it. I'll try to update weekly for you guys but no promises as college is crazy and life in general. Enjoy!

Chapter 1

Thom casually wandered through the streets of London, basking in the glory that this could become his home in a few days. In a matter of hours, he was going to audition to become a soloist for the London Contemporary Orchestra. He was pianist and a brilliant one at that. Thom started learning when he was about four years-old and hasn’t stopped since. Something in Thom fired up every time he played and when he was about ten he realized that music was what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. Thom had his life figured out for—at least what it feels like—his whole life, and all his dreams would be coming true in a matter of a few hours.

By the time Thom reached the audition hall, his palms were sweaty and his whole body was shivering. _About an hour to go_ , he thought to himself. A practice room was open and Thom jumped at the chance to practice his audition piece one last time. He has played this piece a million times and has it engraved in his mind for the rest of his life but he wanted to practice it one more time to get rid of those last minute jitters.

As time for Thom’s audition came, he started feeling sick. He’s had auditions for youth orchestras before, but those were nothing because he always obliterated the competition. This was the real deal. If he got the spot, all the dreams he’s been chasing for his whole life would come true. He could live happily in London with a nice lady and live happily ever after. If he lost, he would have to go back to Oxford and tell his parents he was giving up his dreams. Okay, maybe that was a little intense, there will always be new opportunities but, he _needed_ this. Thom’s eyes gazed around the room and he realized this would be tougher than he thought. All these people looked so much older than him, so much more accomplished. He was only a small 22 year old man, these people looked to be in their 30s and 40s.

“Thomas Yorke,” an audition moderator called as she flipped through the pages of people on her clipboard. Thom hurriedly stood up and his head started to spin. The sweaty palms returned and he tried to calm down his shivers. “That’s me,” he spoke softly. _Oh my god oh my god oh my god_ , he thought over and over. “You’re up,” the moderator smiled at him with a reassuring smile, as if she knew he wanted to curl up and hide. “Good luck I’m sure you’ll do great,” she spoke sweetly and patted his back gently as he walked out onto the stage.

All that sat on the stage was a grand piano. Just Thom, a piano, and all the nerves inside of him. The stage was ginormous, it practically swallowed him up. His ass made contact to the warm bench and he pulled himself closer to the piano. His fingers stumbled over the piece of paper that had the music was playing and his eyes made contact with one of the guys from the audition committee. There was three of them, sitting there with the stern looks that every person who has sat through the grueling audition process has become all too familiar with. He bowed his head and stretched his fingers over the keys and took a deep breath.

 _1, 2, 3, 4_ Thom counted to himself and _BOOM!_ All the fire inside of him came out into his fingers and all the nerves he had flew out of his body. Thom played with the electrifying passion that he always played with. His fingers remembered everything his mind forgot. His eyes scanned quickly across the notes as he played. Thom felt….. _Alive_. He’s never felt this alive before. It was almost like he was fighting for his life, although to him it was a fight for his life.

Thom finished and exhaled the final wave of nerves. The committee members nodded and he exited the stage quickly. _This is real life Thom you actually did that. You did amazing as always and these people mean nothing now because you’ve got this in the bag_ he thought. “You should get the results in the mail in these next few days,” the nice moderator stated to Thom as he grabbed his stuff, “I bet you did amazing.” She patted his back once again and he returned a polite smile as he walked out.

The train ride back to Oxford was a nerve wracking one. Thom had the time to process what had just happened and he began to shiver with nerves once again. _There was like a million people there. What if one was better than you? This isn’t like secondary school. These people actually do this for a living and you’re just starting out. You don’t stand a chance. These people were so much older than you and you’re just nothing._ The intrusive thoughts continued and no matter how hard Thom focused he couldn’t get them out of his mind.

~~~~~~~

The past few days have gone by so slowly and Thom’s brain was close to pouring out of his ears like soup. The boredom mixed with his nerves and his mother’s constant _you did great dear_ ’s made him a ticking time bomb ready to explode. The sickness always lingered and Thom couldn’t even handle the thought of music. In fact, he couldn’t even look at a piano without getting the feeling of throwing up. He wanted to practice like he did every day but his mind would turn back time to the audition and the stern looks on the committee’s faces.

Thom _tried_ to not get his hopes up over this but it became increasingly difficult. Every morning when the mail came, he would rush to the mailbox in hopes of finding an acceptance letter in there but, there was always nothing. _It’s been four days_ he speculated, _maybe you were just so bad that they didn’t even think about sending a letter. “Who let this awful guy through?” they probably spoke to each other._

Five days after the audition, the rising sun shined through the curtains and Thom jumped out of bed and climbed into his dog slippers. Yes, Thom had dog slippers and yes, he loved to wear them just as much as his Pixies t-shirt. His feet dragged into the kitchen and he made his morning cup of tea. The nerves were more prevalent than ever. Today just had to be the day he would get the acceptance letter. He could feel it. His mind kept contemplating what he would do if he did not get the part. After all, Thom never had a plan B.

His foot tapped subconsciously as he drank his tea and read a book. The book was a stupid coffee table book that his mother acquired years ago but at this point he would do anything to rid these nerves. Footsteps on his porch rang through his ears and he jumped up with such force that some tea spilled on his pajama shirt. Once he saw the mailperson walking away, he ran as fast as his tiny legs could carry him to the mailbox in front of his parents’ house.

Once Thom was inside again his finger quickly fumbled through the mail trying to find his name. Finally, his eyes landed on his name typed on a sticker. He dropped the rest of the mail on the floor and his eyes gazed over the beautiful LCO logo in the corner. His lungs took in a big breath and he ripped open the envelope. _This is it. All your life you have been dreaming of this moment and here you are. Inside that envelope is either the key to your happy future or the end of your life._ His teeth started chattering and he was shivering again. He slowly opened the letter and read.

_Dear Thomas,_

_It is with great pleasure from all of us at the audition committee and the LCO that we offer you a position as a pianist for the Contemporary Orchestra._

_Your audition and remarkable résumé convinced us that you would be perfect as a star soloist and remarkable key player to this orchestra. You played with such energy and such power that it left us in complete and utter amazement. We have never heard someone play so beautifully before. We feel with your playing, the LCO could benefit so much on your input and your power._

_The exciting step is now yours. While we feel you would fit perfectly within our players and our community, we also realize that this might not be your only job opportunity. If you choose to become a part of the LCO, we will gladly welcome you into the season. If you decide we are not what you are looking for, we would still like to send our thanks to you. Other orchestras and symphonies would be very lucky to have you as their star pianist._

_Once again, we extend our congratulations and we warmly welcome you into the LCO community. We hope to hear from you soon._

_Sincerely,_

_The London Contemporary Orchestra_

Suddenly, Thom cannot feel his legs.

~~~~~~~

Everyone, at least what it feels like to Jonny, had their epiphanies when they were teenagers. They all figured out who they are and where they want to go in life. But Jonny? He never really figured out what he actually wanted with his life until about a year ago. Jonny always loved composing and that was his constant through his entire adult life. He loved it more than anything and sometimes he would hide away in his studio room for weeks just to work on a piece. His wife would get really annoyed that Jonny loved music more than her. He did though. Jonny loved music more than his wife because he never loved his wife at all. Most of his life he realized that _maybe_ he was gay. His brother, Colin, was very open about his bisexuality and Jonny was always jealous of that. The fact that Colin got the bravery to be himself and Jonny never was. He was always scared about the backlash that came with being gay. Maybe his parents would hate him, or maybe his friends would unfriend him and he would be left in the dirt.

As years went by, Jonny grew more and more depressed. He knew he was lying to everyone, including himself, but he tried to forget that feeling. When he was 40, he drunkenly kissed a guy he met in a bar and everything fell into place. It was like a light had shined in on his soul and he realized everything he wanted was not the life he was living. So he went home that night and wrote music and never stopped, eventually divorced his wife, and told his brother that he is gay. It was a long and emotional conversation, but Colin was always supportive of his baby brother and talked about how he always wanted the best for Jonny eventually ended the conversation by saying, “I’m so proud of you Jon Jon. It takes a lot of courage to do something like this. I can’t wait to hear what you’ve been working on.” And that’s all it took for Jonny to feel whole again.

Jonny was much happier now and life was finally turning out to be alright. It took him a very long time but looking back on it he is very happy he went through the long journey. He learned so much about himself and came out a better person because of it. Now, he’s fully ready to shine his light on the world.

It was midnight and right now, he was working on some compositions for a new movie his friend was directing. It only took Jonny about a week to make a composition but this time it was proving to be more difficult. The writer’s block was really strong this time around and he had a month before he needed to finish and record these pieces. He grew frustrated and eventually crawled into bed. _Don’t forget to contact the LCO tomorrow to see if you can put on a show with the featured soloists,_ he noted to himself. Playing with the LCO was always an exciting time as he’s done it many times before. The soloists were great and hearing his pieces being played by top musicians made his heart flutter. Every note they played was validation that he made the right decision.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yay chapter 2! I never thought I would even get this far tbh. I thought I would have given up but everyone's kind words about the first chapter made me feel so loved. You all are so great and make my heart feel happy :D. This chapter is a bit longer (as Ana said I should make the chapters longer so I tried) . Monday updates should become a normal thing at this point. If you wanna ask me any questions you can reach me at my tumblr, im-never-going-to-get-away. Enjoy! :D

Chapter 2

“Can you believe it? We’re going to be working with Jonny Greenwood!” Lucille Owens, a violinist Thom was friends with, exclaimed very loudly. It was true. The soloists were going to put on a show with the famous composer, Jonny Greenwood. Thom, himself, was excited as well. By this point, he was well established in London and he was well established in the orchestra. He was finally making a name for himself and most of his life dreams he had were achieved at this point, and working with Jonny is just a bonus for Thom.

Jonny went to the same school—Abingdon—as Thom. Jonny was the school’s precious alumni. Thom’s music teacher would never shut up about him and his work. He became intrigued and eventually it became a part of Thom’s life. Thom was inspired by him immensely. He almost wanted to become him. Jonny played so many instruments including the Ondes Martenot, which Thom had never heard of before until he heard of Jonny and listened to his compositions. Thom was always so fascinated by Jonny and it was Jonny who kind of fueled the passion in Thom. He had never heard anyone write down sounds and make them so beautiful and so emotional.

So, yes he was very excited. More excited than anyone else in the room probably. “Yeah I know I’m really excited about it. Jonny went to the same school as me and my music teacher absolutely adored him,” Thom scoffed softly with a smile on his face.

“Woah that’s so cool! You got to bask in Jonny’s genius every day it must’ve been really cool to know him before he was big,” Ed O’Brien piped in. Ed was Thom’s friend and he was a second chair violinist for the orchestra.

“I’m 23 Ed. Jonny is like…. Well he’s old so there is no way I could’ve known him in his school days.”

Ed nodded, “Sorry, you just look older than 23.”

Thom laughed. He always got that whole “you don’t look your age” spiel and it always annoyed him. At this point though, it’s become quite funny to him. He always questioned why people thought that, was it his eyes? Maybe his hair? When he was a teenager, he dyed his hair several times and grew it out so he looked like a young rock star to shut people up. Yet, people still were shocked to find out he was younger than they thought. Now, he has a really short haircut almost like a buzzcut but a little longer and it was quite spiky. His mom wanted him to get haircut before he left for London so he could “look more mature.” It definitely worked.

“I get that a lot,” Thom stated, “but do I really look _that_ old?” Ed just shrugged and Thom let out a soft giggle. “I don’t know you look at least 30 maybe,” Lucille giggled out. Thom playfully smacked her shoulder and smiled at her.

Thom really liked Lucille. The minute he laid eyes on her his heart was just fluttering with adoration. He wasn’t really confident with girls as he always thought that they thought he was a creepy weirdo. Thom had many eye surgeries when he was young because he was born with his left eye completely paralyzed. His eye was never normal and he was tormented a lot in school because of it. His confidence when talking to girls—or anyone for that matter—was always little to none. And coming from an all-boys school it was even harder to communicate with girls in general, so he had a lot of catching up to do.

Lucille, though, was very different. She always made a point to talk to him and make small talk and he liked that. It always made him feel pleasant that someone took time to talk to him and listen to him. He never had a girl be like that with him before, except his mom.

The two of them went on a few dates. While Thom felt like it was something out of a romance movie, Lucille would always remind him that their relationship was completely professional. He hated the fact of a “professional relationship.” All he wanted to do was kiss her and listen to music and stare at the ceiling in the wee hours of the morning and talk about life with her. He pictured a life with her all the time. And every time they made eye contact during a song he could feel his limbs grow weak and he would sometimes lose his place until the glare from the conductor would put him back in his place. It was intense but he really fell hard for her.

Lucille was everything he wanted in a women and a friend. She always had this light around her. When you were in the same room with her you couldn’t help but grin. She was amicable and loved everyone no matter what. And she always made sure that everyone felt important. She made Thom feel important. Thom always felt he could confide in Lucille as she always listened. Lucille always made Thom feel confident in himself and his musical abilities. When a particular piece was especially challenging, they would meet after work and play together and she would always encourage him. So yes, Thom really, _really,_ liked Lucille, but he could take all he could get even if it meant just having a friendship.

“What pieces do you’ll think we’ll be playing with Jonny?” Lucille questioned.

“Probably some stuff from his films, maybe?” Thom suggested.

“Yeah, probably,” Ed interceded, “Have you two actually seen any of the films he’s done scores for?” Lucille just shook her head while Thom got a jolt of excitement.

He raised his voice, “Yes I have! They were so brilliant and his scores were just,” he took a deep breath from the overwhelming feelings he was experiencing, “they were just so incredible and I’ve never heard film scores more beautiful in my life. Or any classical piece for that matter. Jonny Greenwood is a literal genius.”

“Wow seems like you have a little crush on Jonny there,” Ed laughed.

“Ha-ha,” Thom mocked.

Thom had seen the films many times. His personal favorite was _Norwegian Wood_ and his favorite compositions had come from that film as well. The noises that Jonny was able to create on paper captivated Thom and for a while he couldn’t go a single day without listening to the soundtrack. His music teacher always raved and raved about it and Thom always requested that she play it during work time in class. Other classmates of his got really annoyed at Thom’s consistent pick and eventually his teacher would request that he pick something else. He couldn’t though, the sounds Jonny created made Thom feel every emotion all at once. He always wanted to figure out how someone so normal could create something so magical. His theory was that he was a magical wizard that made music and played all the instruments perfectly.

Yeah, so maybe he had a crush on Jonny but it was musical crush. He didn’t know what Jonny looked like to develop a crush on him (and he definitely wasn’t gay). His assumptions were that he was an old guy, 50 years-old at least, and had grey hairs scattered through his head and calloused fingers from all his playing. Maybe he was tall as well but everyone was taller than Thom. Also, he had to have long fingers and his IQ had to be through the roof. Because, there’s no way he could play all those instruments and not have a high IQ. Unless, he was a wizard.

“I bet you are really excited Thom,” Lucille smiled her sweet, beautiful smile at him as to interrupt the taunting Ed just gave Thom. Thom never minded the joking, Ed and him were friends and they did this sort of thing all the time.

“Yeah I am his compositions are everything to me,” Thom giggled, “I mean he’s just so incredible and he’s like my hero.”

Lucille smiled and nodded, “Well, I really should go.” She reached down and grabbed her violin case from her chair.

Thom grabbed her into a tight embrace, “Bye. See you tomorrow.”

Lucille giggled, almost like a schoolgirl when she had a crush, “Bye Thom. Have a good night. See you tomorrow.” They let go of each other and she waved at Ed as she departed from the stage and out of the room. Thom looked up at Ed as soon as she left the building, “Want to hang? I know this cool café down the street, they make really good cupcakes.”

“Sure sounds good.”

~~~~~~~       

Ed and Thom talked together for what feels like hours. Their time together was always like this, very intimate and conversational. They could talk all night if they wanted. Thom respected Ed highly and Ed respected Thom as well, both musically and personally. Ed was Thom’s sidekick—even if Ed never wanted to admit being a sidekick to someone so small, or young for that matter. Ed found Thom to be quite annoying at first, always wondering how Thom found his energy and wondering if he was getting to old to keep up with the young people. But the minute Thom spoke to him about this Brazilian tune he discovered, they hit it off and never looked back.

“So you know Lucille right?” Thom asked.

Ed gave a sarcastic tone, “Nooo, it’s not like I sit next to her and just spoke to her a few hours earlier.”

“Jesus Ed don’t be a dick.”  
“Thommy, you literally asked a stupid question and I needed to answer it with a stupid reply.”

Thom giggled, “Yeah. Well I think I like her, like, _like_ her like her.”

Ed laughed for a moment. “Jesus Thom you sound like a schoolboy who just got his first crush and needed to find a way to tell your parents about it.”

“Well she is sort of my first crush. I went to an all boy’s school and I never really talked to girls. Except there was this one time, a girl moved in down my street and we played every day but I was like five I didn’t know what love was at the time,” Thom reminisced.

“And now you want my advice on how to get the girl because I’m well along in my years so I must have some wisdom, right?” Thom nodded. Ed sighed. He was way too old for this. Ed chose the single life from the beginning, although he did have a few girlfriends here and there, he enjoyed not being tied down much more. “Just be yourself Thom, it’s obvious you guys have a high respect for each other, whatever that might mean to you.”

“But she said she wants to keep our relationship ‘professional’ and I don’t know it’s frustrating. I mean I respect her decision because I like her and I want her to be a part of my life but… I don’t know,” Thom sulked and stirred his tea.

“Then respect her decision. It’s all you can do at this point mate,” Ed said, “Always respect a woman’s decision.” Thom nodded. He knew it was stupid to complain about this shit.

Ed scoffed, “I feel like a grandfather who had to just give advice to his teenage grandson,” he started to speak in a mocking old man voice, “You see them ladies out there, them are precious creatures and you never, NEVER, piss one of them off. They’ll come back to bite you in the ass. That’s why I married your grandmother she was so sexy when she was angry and she couldn’t get enough of me and,” Ed stroked his hands down his body, “this sexy body.” They both burst into fits of laughter. Thom always found Ed to be hilarious and he never failed to laugh when Ed was around.

After they calmed down Thom said, “You’re definitely not that old Eduardo.”

Ed laughed at that nickname. Thom was always coming up with funny nicknames for him. He felt like Thom had endless amounts of variations for the name Ed. “I’m 48 Thomas I could be a grandfather, and I definitely feel like right now I’m a grandfather to you. ‘I like her like her,’” He mocked.

“Fuck off mate.” Thom slapped Ed’s wrist, “you try going to all boy’s school and then going out into the world trying to flirt with girls when you weren’t confident to begin with.” He wasn’t going to lie, it was a little offensive to be mocked about real struggles he’s had to deal with. Thom always felt kind of alone and that no one would understand but after a while he just got used to it and wrote his feelings in journals.

Ed demeanor changed as if he could read Thom’s mind. He grabbed Thom’s hand gently, “Aww sorry man want to talk about it?”

Thom always appreciated how Ed was so willing to listen to him no matter how stupid the problem. He was glad he had a caring companion who cared as much about him as he did to them. “Its fine mate, I don’t need counseling.”

Ed nodded and looked at the time on his phone, “Well it’s getting late and we have a big day tomorrow with Jonny and all.” Thom nodded and they hugged. He watched as Ed exited the building and smiled to himself. When he moved to London, he never thought he would find such great friends here. Everyone always made a big deal to Thom about how everyone was a jerk and was only out for themselves. They couldn’t have been more wrong.

~~~~~~~

Thom laid in bed that night trying to calm his excitement and nerves. Tomorrow he would be meeting his hero. What would he say? What if he embarrasses himself? What if Jonny goes in for a handshake and Thom goes in for a high five? It was all stupid really, but to Thom this day was everything. This man singlehandedly inspired Thom to do music when he felt like quitting in hopes of one day getting to play a piece of his. And tomorrow he was going to be playing _with_ him.

His eyes landed on his alarm clock. 1:23 AM. _God dammit,_ he thought to himself. The first practice was at 9 AM and he didn’t have to get up until 8. _This is the stupid. He’s just a normal guy who creates music. Awesome music but just music. There is no reason to be nervous. I’m sure he’s nice._ It was like his audition day all over again. The all-nighter and all the nerves that he felt, questioning everything about his abilities. That memory is so far behind him now, though. He has been in the orchestra now for seven months and he’s met so many amazing composers that he’s looked up to, so what made Jonny so different to him?

Thom pondered for a while about what not to do when he met Jonny. He played several scenarios in his head from greeting him to what he would do if a meteor came down on earth and sent a tidal wave their way. Eventually, his eyes became heavy and he fell asleep. That night, he dreamed of the performance day and sharing the stage with Jonny and the high that would come with it.

~~~~~~~

The beeping on Thom’s alarm startled him from his dream. He scurried out of bed and quickly did his morning routine. Shower? Check. _Got to smell good for Jonny after all, even though you showered last night but it never hurts_. Brush teeth? Check. _You can’t just meet your hero with dirty teeth_. Breakfast? No. _You’ll probably end up throwing up and you can’t throw up in front of him that would be embarrassing as fuck._ He looked at the clock as he was getting his stuff ready. 8:10 AM. “Fuck me in the ass,” He muttered and shrugged, “It wouldn’t hurt being a bit early I guess.” Thom only lived about a 20 minutes’ walk away from Royal Festival Hall where the orchestra rehearsed. He grabbed his music folder and notebook that he wrote notes down in and took a deep breath to prepare him for the day that lie ahead of him.

A bitter cold wind collided into Thom’s face as he exited his flat. He pulled his scarf over his mouth and nose and walked with his head ducked to prevent the cold air from blowing into his face. His feet carried him swiftly to the hall and he was cursing this day for almost killing him. Although, nothing could completely ruin his mood. Today was the best day of his life and he couldn’t wait to call his mom and tell her all about it.

She always found Thom’s obsession with Jonny quite hilarious. “It’s like you’re in love with him you never shut up about him,” she would always say.

“I’m in love with him musically, mum. I mean listen to these sounds. Tell me it’s not gorgeous?” He would always reply. His mom liked his music. She would always wave her arm to the flow of the music and hum specific parts. For his 17th birthday, she bought Thom tickets to see the LCO perform songs from _Norwegian Wood_ and it was the greatest night of his life. They sounded so flawless and the ways they played with such passion made Thom fill with much emotion. It fueled his fire and from that point on, Thom made it his mission to become a part of the LCO.

After what felt like forever, he finally made it to the hall. Some of the soloists were already scattering in and he made a point to introduce himself to everyone he didn’t know as he realized he would be working nonstop with them for the next month. He met this guy named Phil who plays double bass. They struck up a conversation about the cold weather and why it’s a huge pain in the ass. Thom noted that he could become a good friend of his. After a few minutes of conversation, his eyes finally caught sight of Lucille’s red curls. He approached her and she greeted him with a tight hug.

“Hey Thom! Today is the big dayyy!” She exclaimed in a sing song voice. Thom giggled and nodded. “I’m so excited. Of course I’m always excited to meet composers, but Jonny’s playing with us so it makes it extra special. He’s not like other composers that’s for sure. And you’ll be sitting next to him how does that feel? Sitting next to your hero?”

“Don’t remind me. I was up all night with all these nerves I didn’t fall asleep until about two in the morning. I don’t need to get sick in front of him. Then I would never be able to live with myself,” Thom exhaled.

Lucille just giggled. God he loved her giggle so much. The way her eyes would crinkle and she would get dimples in her cheeks. Thom’s heart was fluttering. _She’s way to pretty. How is she even real?_ Thom wondered. “Well it’s almost time so you should probably assume position. Also, there’s a bin by your piano if you need to puke, Ed put it there for safe measure,” She snickered and Ed burst out into laughter. Thom slapped Ed’s head as he made his way to his piano. He could hear their laughs from his seat and he couldn’t help but laugh himself.

As soon as the hands on the clock hit nine their conductor, Hugh, walked onto the stage. “Good morning everyone,” he greeted. It was responded to with a bunch of weak ‘mornings.’ Thom couldn’t physically form words at this point and real life was setting in. _This is actually happening_ , he thought. “As you all know for the next month and so, you will be working on a bunch of pieces for a little tour with Jonny Greenwood, Mr. Greenwood,” he called.

Thom felt his heart starting to race and his palms getting sweaty. _This is it,_ Thom thought. Time was slowing down more as the seconds went along. He suddenly became more aware of his heart beating out of his chest. _Calm down Thom_ , he kept thinking to himself. He tried to calm his breathing so he wouldn’t look too excited. Who was he kidding, though? This was the greatest day of his life, he worshipped this man from one end of the earth to the other. There was no hiding his excitement.

All the soloists in the room began to clap softly as Jonny walked out onto the stage. Lucille looked over at Thom and had a concerning look on her face as if she thought Thom was going to pass out. He definitely felt like passing out, but there was no way he was going to embarrass himself in front of Jonny. His hero. As soon as Thom caught eye of him walking onto the stage, he suddenly realized that this was going to be a long month.

~~~~~~~~~~


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Christmas is coming! Depending on time, I will either post a new chapter on Wednesday/Thursday (I have up until chapter 5 ready for you guys) and a new chapter on Monday! It's just a little Christmas gift for you guys! :D (also I'm really excited about the next chapters so)  
> I'm a little nervous about this chapter but I hope you guys like it!  
> Enjoy!

Chapter 3

Jonny took his place on the conductor podium and began a speech. “Hello everybody. I’m Jonny Greenwood and it’s going to be a pleasure working with you for the next month and a half. I hope you all got the email from Hugh and have all the pieces with you, as well as some ideas for some solo pieces. Thank you again for this opportunity.” He bowed his head and made his way to his Odnes Martenot.

Thom couldn’t see straight at this point. Jonny was much younger than he once thought. In Thom’s mind he looked to be at least 20 but that definitely wasn’t the case. His face looked flawless, free of any imperfections, although he couldn’t really see half his face because his long, soft hair was covering it. His jawline looked so sharp it could cut a man. And his voice. Oh dear god, Thom could listen to him talk forever. _Stop it Thom! You can’t think these things_ , Thom meditated, _He’s handsome I’ll give him that. But you definitely don’t want to kiss him._

He looked over at Jonny who was sitting next to him. His breathing picked up and he was beginning to feel light headed. Was this actually happening to him or was it all just a dream? “U-uh,” Thom stuttered. _Jesus Thom chill out._ “I’m a very big fan of yours. You’re so incredible and I listen to your compositions like every day. It’s such an honor Mr. Greenwood, sir.” He reached out his hand to shake Jonny’s just smiled at him like he was an idiot. Did he say something wrong? He hoped and prayed that he didn’t just embarrass himself in front of his hero.

Jonny moved his hair from his eyes, revealing a dark shade of brown. They glistened under the stage lights. _Oh my god he has pretty eyes. Stop it Thom no he doesn’t_ , he conflicted to himself. “Just call me Jonny,” He said as he took Thom’s hand. His hand was much smaller compared to Jonny’s massive one. Thom got a warm feeling and his heart started to pick up pace. “It will be much fun to play with you guys.” He smiled a crooked smile at Thom and faced the conductor. The way he sat with such poise made Thom’s heart flutter. He tried to calm down the feelings inside of him. He was just nervous, that was all.

Thom looked over at Lucille and Ed. They were both almost blue in the face from holding in their laughter. Did Thom really make that big of a fool of himself? With his eyes firmly placed on Thom, Ed made thrusting motions and pointed to Jonny and snickered very loudly. Thom raised his middle finger at him and flipped through the many pages he had of music they were going to be playing.

Hugh counted them off and Thom got his fingers in the ready position. As they began playing, Thom focused so hard on the piece to distract him from the fact that his hero was there sitting next to him playing the same piece as him. He had to be dreaming, there was no way this was actually happening. He looked over at Lucille and gave her a sweet smile like they always did in the middle of songs. She smiled her small, encouraging smile. Thom lost focus. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. You’re embarrassing yourself in front of Jonny!_ The group stopped and Hugh glared at Thom. “Sorry sir. I-I’m just a little nervous that’s all.”

Hugh began to open his mouth to speak before Jonny interrupted, “Its okay, we’ve all been there. Just take a deep breath and we’ll start over yeah?” Was Jonny actually speaking to him? There was no way he could just “take a deep breath” at this time. Thom nodded at him and took a deep breath. Jonny looked at Hugh as to signal him to start over. This time Thom wasn’t going to let his eyes or his mind leave the piece.

During the middle of the piece his mind eventually began to wander. _Jonny is so nice every conception I had about him is true. Except what he looked like and the wizard thing. Well maybe the wizard thing is true. He looks like he hasn’t aged a single day since he was 21. Maybe he’s a vampire. Yeah that’s it! He’s totally a vampire. Can vampires have super musical talent? Maybe, he’s a vampire wizard. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck you lost your place again._ He tried to get back where the group was but just fumbled with the keys and Hugh gave an angry look. “I’m sorry. I had a long night last night and,” he put his face in his hands and sighed, “I’m sorry I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”

“One more screw up, Thom, and you’re going to go home for the day. We have only a few weeks to practice these pieces and we can’t have you bringing us all down.” Hugh let out an exasperated sigh and they began again. _No more mind wandering Thom. Jonny probably thinks you’re really annoying. Oh god no he can’t._ His palms began to sweat.

They finished the piece and as Hugh began to talk about what everyone could improve, Thom’s eyes landed on Lucille. Her profile was so gorgeous, her rosy, freckled cheeks, her pointy nose, and her perfect, plump lips. He could picture how it would feel to kiss her. Man, did he want to kiss her. The warm feeling came back and his heart was fluttering. Lucille looked over at him and grinned and mouthed, “Hang tonight?” Thom smiled and nodded. This day—minus the small fuck ups—couldn’t get any better.

~~~~~~~

Jonny’s day did not start as planned. First, he woke up late so he had no time to shower. Then, he spilled the rest of his milk for his cereal all over the floor. His dog definitely enjoyed it though. Lastly, the music he needed blew out of his hand and he lost half of his sheets. He hadn’t stopped cursing since. This day was going to be a disaster and he just wanted to go back to bed and sleep the rest of day. He has had enough.

When he got to Royal Festival hall where they would be practicing for the next month, Hugh greeted him so kindly. It made him feel at home. “So the featured soloists are; Lucille Owens who is our first chair violinist, Ed O’Brien our second chair violinist, Phil Selway our featured double bass soloist, Patricia Michaels our first chair cellist and our second chair cellist is,” Jonny had zoned out at this point as he really didn’t care. Well he cared, but this day wasn’t going great and he was just exhausted even though he hadn’t done any work yet. “…And our piano player is Thom Yorke. He’s our troublemaker but he gets work done and he’s a genius. I think you’ll like him a lot.” Jonny nodded and looked at all the empty chairs in the room and smiled as they would soon be full of people eager to play his music.

Jonny went back to the copy room to print the copies of music he had lost in the wind this morning. As he was doing so, he heard people filing in and tuning their instruments. He loved that sound. When it came close to nine, the printer on the copy machine jammed. “Of course,” he whispered to himself. This day was going to end in disaster and he really wished a meteor would crash on earth, it wouldn’t be any shock if it actually happened. He also had to prepare a small speech, which he never did. God he hated talking he always felt like an idiot every time he opened his mouth and he wasn’t looking forward to the impending doom.

As the rest of the papers printed, the clock struck nine. _Thank heavens_ , he thought to himself. He took a deep breath as he heard Hugh call his name. As he walked out he looked at all the eager faces sitting around the podium clapping. He bowed his head as to signal them to stop. Honestly, he hated attention being on himself. His palms were beginning to get sweaty as he began to speak.

As he was speaking, his eyes landed on Thom. _That is his name right? I think so._ He was so pale it was almost concerning. Was he going to pass out? Should Jonny call a medic? He was beautiful though. Tiny, but very beautiful. Jonny got a warm feeling in his stomach and he dug his finger nails into the palm of his hand. He took his seat at his Odnes and began picking out the piece they would be playing in his mess of a music stash.

“U-Uh,” a voice interrupted him and his head turned toward that voice. It was Thom’s. God he looked so sick. Was he okay? “I’m a very big fan of yours. You’re so incredible and I listen to your compositions like every day. It’s such an honor Mr. Greenwood, sir.” Jonny couldn’t help but smile at the nervous boy. He always hated being called Mr. Greenwood and sir for that matter, but Thom was quite cute trying to be proper as if he was just meeting the queen.

Thom reached out his hand for him to shake and Jonny took it. “Just call me Jonny.” God his hand was so small. How tall was Thom? He had to be less than five and half feet. _He is so cute_. Jonny began to analyze Thom’s face. He had slight stubble around his chin and his hair was spiked up almost like a teenage boy who just discovered hair gel for the first time. His eyes were such a beautiful shade of blue. Jonny has never seen eyes more beautiful. His cheekbones were so defined. And his lips. Oh god his lips. They looked so soft…. So kissable. Is that falling in love at first sight was like? No he couldn’t possibly be in love with Thom he looked so young, like he had just gotten out of high school and Jonny definitely wasn’t a pervert.

They began playing their first piece and Jonny looked over at Thom occasionally. He had his tongue sticking out as to keep focus on the piece they were playing. _That is so cute. He is so cute. No he isn’t Jonny he’s a boy and you’re not a pervert._ Jonny glanced over at Thom and noticed he was giving a sweet, loving smile to one of the solo violinists. His heart dropped out of his chest. Was he jealous? He couldn’t be, he doesn’t even know this guy and therefore he cannot be jealous. Although, he wanted Thom to smile at him like that. _No you don’t. This strictly professional business._ He had bouts of internal conflict before the music stopped.

He looked over at Thom who seemed flustered and nervous. Jonny just wanted to run his hand over his cheek and tell him everything would be alright, that this sort of thing happens all the time. Hugh looked pissed, why was he so angry? It’s just first day nerves. Although, he had his moments when a performer fucked things up. But Thom seemed so fragile and he didn’t want him to get hurt. He quickly looked over at Thom and spoke softly, “Its okay, we’ve all been there. Just take a deep breath and we’ll start over yeah?” When he gave the nod of approval, Jonny looked over at Hugh who seemed a little less angry. He nodded him to count the soloists off again and they started over.

When they began again, Jonny tried so hard to focus on the piece. But he’s played it a million times before and probably has it memorized, so his mind began to ponder about the big performance day. What he would wear, _something to impress Thom maybe. No._ He was still picking out his solo piece he wanted to play his guitar for it, _maybe Thom would dig me. Oh dear god, stop it he’s obviously straight and obviously not into you like that. Not yet at least. No not ever._ His thoughts were interrupted by a big pang of piano keys.

Thom looked nervous and flustered again. “I’m sorry. I had a long night last night and… I’m sorry I don’t know what’s gotten into me.” His face was in his hands and Jonny just wanted to grab him in his arms and comfort him. _It’s okay Thom. You’re okay._ Jonny hated that he was so helpless. Hugh was seething almost and Jonny didn’t know why. _He’s just a young boy leave him alone. We’ve all been in his shoes._ Hugh raised his voice, “One more screw up Thom and you’re going to go home for the day. We have only a few weeks to practice these pieces and we can’t have you bringing us all down.” _That’s not fair._ Jonny wasn’t going to lie, he really wanted to fight Hugh on this but he couldn’t do anything. He was the leader of the group after all. He looked over at Thom who had his head down as he was getting ready to play. _You are okay Thom none of us are angry at you. We’re all here for you…_ _I’m here for you._

After they finished playing, Jonny looked over at the red-headed girl who was mouthing something to Thom. He was never good at lip reading, but whatever she said must’ve pleased Thom immensely because he had a crooked smile plastered on his face. Jonny smiled slightly. He couldn’t wait to spend more time with this group of people… he couldn’t wait to spend more time with Thom. _No._

~~~~~~~

Lucille texted Thom that should be a little late for their dinner date. Thom texted her and told her he didn’t mind and that he was patient. He dressed a little more nicely this evening. For Lucille. He sat there looking out the window, waiting for her arrival. He was always excited to see Lucille. They always had very deep conversations. Plus, she was the only other person in the orchestra who was his age. Although if you listened to her speak in one of their conversations, you would think she was at least in her late 30s. She had such a vocabulary. She was also very gestural. Her movements made their conversations more exciting and Thom loved watching her speak. For him, it was the little things that made his heart grow fonder for her.

His eyes noticed the bright red curls bouncing on her head as she ran into the restaurant. She glanced around for a bit and then ran into Thom’s arms. “I’m so, so, so sorry Thom. My train was late.”  
“It’s okay,” he smiled at her. She took her jacket off, exposing a beautiful silk dress. It was sleeveless so you could see all the freckles on her biceps. Thom loved her freckles so much. It was one of his favorite things about her. He always imagined laying with her and connecting the dots on her arms and face.

“You look beautiful,” he was practically staring at her.

She giggled, “Thank you Thommy. You don’t look so bad yourself. I love the shirt.” It was just a simple, white dress shirt that he pulled out of his closet but if she liked it, Thom liked it too.

“Thank you.”

They sat down and ate some but it all grew cold because they just couldn’t shut up. They went on about their day, to whether aliens existed and why it’s scary if they did or not. It was how all their conversations were. They would always end up on a deep and meaningful topics. Thom admired her arm movements and how she blushed when she realized Thom was totally into it. _She’s so perfect. So, so, so perfect,_ he thought. A smile crept upon his face. Her cheeks began to turn red and it made him smiled more.

After they finished and paid their bill, they went outside into the cold. “I can walk you to the station if you want,” he said as he put his mittens on.

“Nah, its fine. I had fun tonight Thom. Thank you,” she looked at him with her beautiful green eyes. They sparkled in the moonlight and Thom smiled.

“You’re welcome. I had fun tonight too.”

Lucille wrapped her hand half way around his back and placed her lips on his. Thom was shocked for a moment. _HOLY SHIT SHE’S KISSING YOU! THIS IS HAPPENING! HOLY! SHIT!_ He fell into the kiss and grabbed her face between his hands. Her warm breath against his cheek as she breathed out, sent shivers up his spine. Her warm cheeks could be felt from his hands inside of his mittens. And her kiss was so hot and so passionate. She put her all into everything no matter what it was and Thom enjoyed that about her very much. She ran his fingers through his hair. It was probably felt greasy from the hair gel but she didn’t seem to mind. He could hear her gasp slightly against his lips and that gave Thom a sensation that he’s never felt before. They broke the kiss and he looked at her. “I’ll, uh, see you later Thom. Thanks again for tonight,” she smiled and walked off slowly.

“Yeah I-I’ll see you tomorrow,” Thom said loudly enough for her to hear.

He was so flustered he didn’t know what to do with himself. That kiss was even better than he imagined. Every night kissing the shower wall or the back of his hand, was so worth it. It was lame to everyone else but it was the only way he could experience the sensation. But right now it was a hundred times better. His heart was beating so fast and he had all the butterflies in the stomach that didn’t seem like they’d die down anytime soon. “This was the best day of my whole life. Nothing will ever come close again,” he whispered to himself as he walked towards his flat.

That night, Thom settled himself in bed and tried to relive the moment. He closed his eyes and began to picture it. What she was wearing, the way her hair blew in the wind. The way she touched him. She was so gentle and her touches were so soft it drove Thom mad. When wasn’t she perfect? _Never._ He pictured the way she came in for the kiss. Her lips were so soft and so plump. They kissed and the sensation was back. The way her face felt under his hands, the way she grabbed his hair gave Thom butterflies again. He smiled to himself and enjoyed the dream playing out in his mind. He was still in shock that it actually happened. Maybe he was dreaming it and his mind was just playing it over again. No, it definitely happened.

After a few moments they broke apart the kiss. He looked into the eyes that belonged to… _JONNY?!_ He jolted up and was starting to sweat. “No, no, no, no, no,” he whispered to himself. His hands subconsciously gripped to his hair. “This isn’t right. It’s not right.” Tears started forming in his eyes. “You like Lucille,” his words became softer, “you like Lucille.” The tears fell from his eyes and wiped them quickly on the sleeve of his shirt. He doesn’t know what got into him. He definitely wasn’t gay and he definitely didn’t like Jonny. _Maybe it’s just nerves from your first day_ , he concluded.

~~~~~~~

Jonny had a date tonight with a nice man named Will. They met on a dating app and Will arranged for a date tonight. Maybe it will distract him from the shitty day he just had. He was a little nervous he wasn’t going to lie. It’s been his first date in almost a year. He’s been on a few dates with some nice guys but he just wasn’t able to connect with any of them. _Tonight will be different_ , he thought. He got dressed in a nice suit. Will told him to dress nice. With a quick glance in the mirror, he left swiftly.

They met a nice, fancy restaurant just down the street from his flat. He greeted Will with a small peck on the cheek, “It’s so lovely to meet you.”  
“You too. You look great. Very handsome,” Will analyzed Jonny’s body.

“Thank you. You look great as well.”

Will was dressed in a nice white shirt and some dress paints. It was simple but Jonny definitely liked it. He liked it very much. His hair was brown and curly and his curls lay at the top of his head. Will was so hot and Jonny was a little turned on right now.

Will gestured for him to sit. Jonny did and took a sip of the water that was available for them. “So how was your day?” Will asked.

“It was great. I’m putting on a show with the contemporary orchestra and we had our first practice today. It went great, I have a lot of hope for this show and I know they’ll deliver. The soloists are amazing. There is this piano player name Thom and he’s so young but oh my god he is so talented. I’ve never heard someone play as beautiful as him,” Jonny smiled at the little memory of Thom sitting there biting his tongue trying to concentrate on his playing. _Focus! This isn’t about Thom it’s about Will. Forget about Thom_. “Anyway how was your day?”

Will smiled at him. “You literally have this great life and all I did was sit in the office all day helping people with their computer problems. I love IT but it’s so boring sometimes…. And frustrating. This one lady,” he started giggling. Jonny was definitely turned on. “Let me tell you, this one lady she calls me to her office and she was frustrated because her mouse wasn’t working. I’m like, ‘where is the USB that comes with it?’ Because it’s a wireless mouse, and she’s like ‘I threw it out because I didn’t think you needed it considering it is a wireless mouse and all.’” Will was laughing and Jonny giggled. He liked a man who found the little things funny considering he wasn’t very funny but always loved to make people laugh. It definitely wasn’t a funny story to him but he giggled along because he just wanted to impress him. Jonny definitely liked Will. His heart was fluttering and he blushed every time he looked at him. He was like a schoolboy who got his first crush.

After a while of small talk and getting to know each other Will suggested that they go home. “Come to my place?” Jonny asked shyly. He didn’t want to force anything on him, especially on the first date, but he was so horny right now. Jonny wanted him.

“Um... yeah sure,” Will smiled. They took each other’s hands as he lead Will back to his place. Will’s hands were tiny. _They’re as small as Thom’s hand,_ he shook the thought from his head. This was a date with Will. He liked Will. Not Thom.

When they reached his place Jonny quickly opened the door and turned the light on. His dog was asleep on the couch and he smiled. She was so cute and so tiny. “Awww I love your dog what’s its name?” Will gushed over her

“Her name is Poppy,” Jonny smiled.

“Awww cute name.” Will giggled and bent over the couch stroking her lightly. _He’s got a nice ass,_ Jonny thought and began to smirk to himself.

Jonny grabbed his hand and began to kiss him and he kissed him hard. Will moaned softly as Jonny’s hands were already roaming over his body. Jonny loved that sound. He reached his hand up Will’s shirt and he moaned softly again. Jonny could feel his dick starting to throb in his pants. Jonny leaned him softly against the wall and began kissing his neck. He nibbled and sucked in places that seemed to get the biggest reactions from Will. “Hmmm Jonny,” he moaned and Jonny bit his lip. His fingers began to fumble on his buttons and Will admired his frustration. Eventually, Jonny just gave up and ripped his shirt open and began kissing down his chest. “B-Babe?” Will eventually got out.

“Hmm,” Jonny moaned as he kissed Will’s stomach.

“W-We should go to bed b-before I collapse.”

Jonny giggled softly and led him to his bedroom and pushed him on the bed. He climbed on top of him and picked up where he left off. He was so ecstatic about the events unfolding right now. This hasn’t happened in for what felt like forever and Jonny was beyond excited and rushing to get Will inside him. “Jo-Jonny. Jonny. Jonny!” Will raised his voice and Jonny stopped to look at him. _What did I do wrong? God I’m probably forcing myself on him when he’s not ready._ His palms started sweating. “Take your time dear, there’s no rush here.” Will’s soft hands cupped Jonny’s face. His bright blue eyes were still noticeable in the dark.

“Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, I haven’t been in bed with someone in a while and I’m excited ‘s all,” Jonny whispered. Will giggled softly and grabbed his face and kissed him. It was a loving kiss and goosebumps began to form on Jonny’s body.

“Let me take over,” Will whispered in his ear while he flipped their positions. He began to attack Jonny’s neck and Jonny moaned loudly. He took his jacket off and began to unbutton his shirt kissing down his chest as he did so. His throbbing erection was too much to handle at this point and he wanted to be inside Will. He thrusted his hips to try and get friction and Will chuckled, “Not yet honey.”

“Will… God… Please!” Will smirked and began to slowly unzip his pants as if he was torturing Jonny. He removed his pants slowly and kissed his legs as he did so. Jonny’s legs were shaking. He was so anxious. He kissed his erection through his boxers and Jonny hissed and squeezed his eyes shut. “God Will… Please just. Please,” Jonny whimpered and he could feel as Will pulled down his boxers and he hissed at the sudden contact with the cold air.

Will took his erection in his mouth and Jonny bent his head back and moaned loudly. His hands gripped his hair and guided his head down. It was greasy from the hair gel he applied to keep his hair in place. Jonny looked down at the blue orbs looking up at him. _He kind of looks like Thom in this light. Just a bit older is all. No Jonny there is no time for this._ Jonny just focused at the man between his legs sucking him off. “Ugh… God. Fuck,” he moaned out. He closed his eyes but still pictured the man below him and the way his eyes looked up at him, pleased by the reaction he was getting. His eyes were so gorgeous and the way the stubble felt between his legs. _Will doesn’t have stubble though. Maybe he did but just didn’t notice it earlier._

He felt Will moan against his dick and it gave Jonny a pleasurable sensation that he’s never felt before. He bent his head back and his breath started to pick up. The picture in his mind didn’t seem right though. His eyes are brighter and his hair was shorter. It kind of looked like Thom but that couldn’t be right. Could it? “Mmmm... Thom…. God. Yes.” Suddenly all the contact was lost and Jonny had time to process how much he had just fucked up. It was truly the worst day of his life.

~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was my first time writing smut so it's probably nOT THE BEST but I hope you guys liked the chapter anyway!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was debating whether to post this or not considering the news of the past few days. It's hard for me to swallow someone actually dying and I've just been so sad. But, the world still turns and we keep going. I just hope Thom, his kids, and her family are okay.  
> Anyway, this chapter brings in some nice drama and some nice friendship. I literally love the Ed I wrote in this story and you'll see why. We all need Eds (lord knows I could've used one).  
> Also as I said last chapter a normal chapter will be up on Monday. It might be up either really early or really late (there's not in between) as I will be spending the holiday with my older brother and since I don't get much time with him I want him to have my undivided attention. Tomorrow I leave and I'm really excited! :D Have a Happy Holidays whatever it is you may celebrate! :D  
> Sorry this was kind of a long note I ramble a lot.  
> Anyways, Enjoy!!

Chapter 4

“What the fuck?!” Will yelled. Jonny just wanted to curl up and sleep forever to forget this whole day even happened.

“I’m sorry Will. I’ve had a rough day. I didn’t mean it,” his voice was soft. Tears were forming in his eyes. _Good going you fucked it up. Just end me_ , he thought to himself.

“So you just picture the guy you’re working with?! Am I not good enough so much that you have to picture someone else?! Yeah fuck that,” Will scoffed and began buttoning his shirt quickly.

“Will, please,” Jonny pleaded.

“No fuck you.” He hurried off and Jonny followed him trying to make amends, knowing it was useless at this point. He really messed up everything.

Once Will was out the door, Jonny sat on the couch and cried. He hasn’t cried in a long time. “God Jonathon,” he murmured to himself. _Why did Thom have to just come into your life like that and fuck everything up in one day? Just like that. This makes no sense. You can’t love someone as young as him. Hell, you don’t even know anything about him except his name and that he gets nervous easily._ He wiped his tears on his arm and sniffled. “He’s not worth my time,” his voice was fragile as if he knew he was lying to himself. Jonny would do anything to make this strictly professional business.

Poppy crawled onto his lap and licked his face. He sniffled and petted her. “Do you think Thom is worth my time?” He asked as if he expected for her to say something back. She just wagged her tail. “Why do I even bother?”

~~~~~~~

Jonny woke up that next day wondering if he could just call in sick. He couldn’t and he realized that. This show was going to be huge, not only for him but for the performers as well. Slowly as possible, he did his morning routine as to draw out time. Today was going to be the day he was going to officially lose it. He just knew it. Thom was going to walk in the room and make Jonny forget everything he said about not liking him. Jonny brushed his hair and wished for his roof to cave in and kill him. _Face him Jonny. Be the better man,_ he thought, _keep it strictly professional._ He nodded to himself in the mirror and got his coat on. With a deep breath, he was ready to face the uncertain day ahead of him.

When he got to the building Hugh greeted him and gave him some ideas for solo pieces for the people who would be doing solos. Jonny just nodded along. The performances are going to be great! “Also, Lucille came to me after practice yesterday and asked me if I would be willing to let you and Thom do a piece together. She told me it would be his biggest dream ‘cos apparently you’re his hero.” Jonny really wanted to jump off the stage at this moment. “I have a few ideas on what you could do together but you can get with him about it.”

“Well you see—”

“Apparently he never stops talking about how you changed his life since you got here,” Hugh interrupted. _He never stops talking about me._ Jonny smiled. _No, no, you can’t work with him. It would only make this problem worse._

“I don’t kn—”

“Here’s a list of songs that would be great for the Ondes and piano. You two can look it over if you want.” Jonny just nodded and took the list from Hugh’s hand. _A meteor falling from the sky would be wonderful right now_ , Jonny thought.

~~~~~~~

Thom woke up really depressed. He’s got everything he’s dreamed for. Move to London. Check. Become a soloist for the LCO. Check. Get the girl. Check. So why wasn’t he happy? _Maybe becoming an adult just getting used to,_ he thought. Today, he would get to see Lucille. Last night left him on confused terms. Were they dating or was the kiss just a little coincidence? He hoped for the first one.

He got to the hall about 30 minutes before practice and Lucille was already there. So was Jonny. Fuck. Thom did not forget about what happened last night and he didn’t want to see Jonny even if he was the last human on earth. _Kill me,_ he thought. He approached Lucille confidently and she smiled sweetly as he came into her line of vision. “Hey Thom.” She was already blushing.

“Hey Lucille. I haven’t stopped thinking about last night.” _Liar_. He sat in Ed’s chair and crossed his legs.

“Me neither. You’re my favorite guy I’ve kissed,” she giggled out. Thom smiled and blushed at the little compliment.

“Does this mean—?”

“That we’re dating?” She giggled and blushed harder, “Yes of course.” _Is this real life?_ Thom thought.

“Oh thank goodness because it would’ve been awkward after that.” Lucille giggled.

“Aye Thom get your ass out of my chair!” He heard Ed yell.

“No fuck you,” Thom giggled.

“Listen—”

Lucille interrupted Ed, “Hold on I have to tell Thom something.” She looked at Thom, “So I talked with Hugh last night that’s why I was a little late. I asked him to let you and Jonny have a solo together because I know how much he means to you. How much _this_ means to you.”

 _No. No. NO!_ “U-Uh, yeah… Um… thanks.”

“I know its nerve wracking but then that means you get to spend extra time with him and I know how exciting that would be for you.”

 _No it’s exactly what I’ve been trying to avoid since he walked in here_. He said a little prayer to himself, _God if you’re up there and really exist, please take me away._ Lucille smiled. He knew that she meant no harm. After all, he really didn’t stop raving about him. “Thanks Lucille.” They hugged shortly before Ed pulled him by the collar.

“Kiss your girlfriend goodbye.” They smiled at each other and Thom gave a peck on her cheek, “Woah. Wait are you two actually—”

“Dating? Yes,” Thom giggled. He definitely won’t be used to that for a while. Lucille was actually his girlfriend.

“Well congrats,” Ed put on his old man voice from the other night, “sonny boy.” They laughed.

“Thanks Edbert,” Thom hugged him and went back to his piano.

Thom looked over at Jonny sitting at his Ondes. He was playing a part from a piece he had never heard yet. _Maybe a solo piece he’ll play_ , Thom thought. It was gorgeous and the way Jonny was in concentration mode made Thom’s heart flutter. _No Thom. No._ Jonny stopped and looked at him, “Good morning.”

“Morning,” Thom got out softly. His cheeks felt hot.

“So,” Jonny cleared his throat, “Hugh suggested to me that we do a solo piece together. You wouldn’t mind would you? He gave me some suggestions.”

“U-Uh…”

“It’s fine if you don’t want to. I won’t force you.”

Thom really didn’t want to. But this was a once in a lifetime opportunity to play with his hero. _Maybe it won’t be so bad._ “Yeah. Sounds great!” He smiled.

Jonny smiled weakly at him and said, “Great. Uh here’s a list of suggestions or if you have something different in mind. I mean I don’t have to play my Ondes I’ll be using other instruments as well so.” Thom took the list from his hand and looked it over. There were some promising songs here and some he hadn’t heard of before.

“Um… Can I think about it?”

“Of course there’s no rush. Just know by next week I guess,” Jonny smiled at him. Thom liked his smile. It was the second most beautiful smile next to Lucille’s. _Nope it’s definitely first. No Thom stop._ Thom nodded and placed the sheet on his stand and looked it over a million times.

“Um will this require extra time to practice?” He asked.

“I don’t know. Only if you want to or if we need it,” Jonny spoke. Thom definitely didn’t want to so he picked the piece that he knew most from the list.

“How about _Vocalise-ètude_?”

“Yeah okay. That sounds great I’ll go get a copy of it.”

Jonny walked off leaving Thom to himself. He noticed Phil in the corner tuning his bass. He walked over and pulled up a chair next to him. “Sounds great.”

Phil laughed, “I’m just tuning mate.”

“Well it still sounds great,” Thom smiled.

“Thanks,” Phil grinned back at him, “Are you nervous for the big performance?”

Thom nodded, “A little. I mean Jonny is like my hero and I still haven’t been able to process the fact that I’m actually working with him. He asked me to a duet and I just ‘bout _died_.”

Phil giggled, “Wow that’s a little intense. You must really like him a whole lot.”

“Yeah I do he’s just incredible.”

“Yeah he is. He’s a great guy to talk to also. We talked a little after practice yesterday and he’s so intelligent. And very kind as well. I’ve never met a guy more kind than him.”

“Me too.” Although Thom really didn’t want to work with him anymore. The excitement died down after lasts night incident. “Do you—”

“Thom!” Jonny called interrupting Phil’s and his’ conversation.

“See you later?” Thom asked.

“Yeah totally. Maybe we could hang out sometime,” Phil suggested.

Thom smiled and nodded and walked over to him. Jonny handed him the papers for his part in their solo.

“Thanks,” Thom muttered. His eyes scanned the pages. _Nothing too difficult. Thank goodness._ Jonny nodded at him and Hugh took his place at the podium.

“So I think for today we’ll play through the group pieces and then tomorrow we’ll work on the solo pieces. Sounds good yeah?” The whole room nodded except Thom. He didn’t want to work on the solo pieces. Period. His eyes landed on Jonny who sat with his legs crossed and leaning back on his bench. _God he is so pretty. No Thom you can’t feel these things about him. You have a girlfriend now_. He cursed to himself.

~~~~~~~

After practice, Thom waited until everyone left. He was going to practice the solo that Jonny and he would be playing so he could get it in his mind. He played this once for a show that he did at the local university but never played it again. It definitely wasn’t his favorite piece of music but it was easy and that’s all that mattered.

After everyone had sure departed, Thom began to play. He moved his body along to the tempo of the music and his fingers moved gently along the keys. This piece was meant to be played gently. He would stop occasionally and curse to himself every time he messed up. “This is easy,” he whispered to himself. _God if I have to work extra time with Jonny I will literally explode_.

~~~~~~~

Jonny sat in his office that he was temporarily given while he was in residency. He was looking through the solo pieces that some of the performers would be playing. _These will be nice. I can’t wait to hear the guys play them._ His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of piano keys. Thom was still here? Jonny thought for sure he would have gone home immediately after practice. Jonny made his way to the stage and stayed behind but just in the right place to watch him. _I love the way he plays music,_ his thoughts were becoming clouded and his palms were getting sweaty. God he was so beautiful. _Too beautiful,_ he thought.

            He watched the way Thom moved to the tempo of the music and watched the way his fingers moved gracefully across the keys. This was their solo piece. Jonny closed his eyes and began to picture what it would sound like on performance night. Just him and Thom on the stage, together. The butterflies began to flutter in his stomach and he smiled. Suddenly, the music stopped. “Dammit Thom,” he heard him curse to himself, “this is easy why the fuck are you messing up?”

“Maybe you’re just nervous,” Jonny suggested as he made his way to his Ondes. Thom stopped writing notes on his piece and looked at him.

“I’m definitely not nervous,” Thom scoffed.

“You were pretty nervous yesterday.”

“That was just because I was meeting you but then I got over it. I’m definitely over it,” Thom quickly finished the notes he was writing.

“That was beautiful. What you were just playing. You play beautifully.” He sat down facing him.

Thom’s cheek began to turn a rosy color and suddenly he became more reserved. “Um, thanks. I try I guess.” _He is so cute when he’s nervous. No he’s not. He’s definitely not._

Jonny rubbed his head. “We could play together if you want.” _Fuck why did you suggest that? You want to get away from him, not spend more time with him._

“U-Uh. Yeah sure I guess.”

“Okay let me go get my part.”

Jonny walked back to his office and grabbed the piece. As he was walking back to the stage, he was secretly praying that Thom left. To his disappointment, he was still sitting there waiting for him. He stopped and admired him for a second. He sat there waving his body and tapping his hands on his legs with a small smile on his face. “God,” Jonny whispered to himself softly, “God.” His breathing was starting to pick up and his heart was fluttering. _There he goes completely stealing your heart._ Jonny contemplated ways he could get out of this situation. But he also kind of wanted to stay here forever with him.

He hurriedly sat down at his Ondes and put his music on the stand. “Ready?” Jonny asked. Thom just nodded. “Okay. 1 and 2 and 1 and 2,” Jonny counted off and they began to play. Jonny focused on the music but eventually looked over at Thom who was staring at him. He stared back at him. They both completely lost focus on the piece and stopped playing.

Jonny shook his head. “I uh…” _Form. Words. Jonathon._ He shook his head to put himself back in focus. “Sorry. Let’s start over yeah?”

Thom shook his head back into reality, “Oh uh sorry. Yeah. Let’s,” he spoke softly, “start over.”

Jonny nodded, “Okay. 1 and 2 and 1 and 2.” They began to play and he made sure to not lose focus of the playing. Thom was sat at the piano with his tongue sticking out in concentration. It was a cute little quirk Thom had and Jonny loved watching him play like that. He lost his place and Thom looked at him with doe eyes. _God dammit Jonathon, look how cute he is. There’s no one on earth cuter than he is. No one._ His mouth became dry. _Just kiss him!_ He tried to calm the voices in his head. _You can’t. He’s obviously straight. But god he’s so pretty. Seriously, just kiss him!_

“Uh Jonny?” His thoughts were interrupted by Thom.

“Hmm?”

“I asked if we should start over.” He still had the doe eyes.

“Oh. Sorry. Long day. We co—”

“We don’t have to if you don’t feel up to it,” Thom suggested. _You definitely want to stay Jonny. No you don’t._

“No. Let’s start over.”

Thom nodded and Jonny counted off once again. _Don’t lose focus Jonny. Don’t. Lose. Focus._ _But I mean look at Thom. No don’t. Yes Jonny. Just face the fact that you like him. And like him a lot._ _You don’t know anything about him. But you can learn. No! Look at him!_ He quickly glanced over at Thom who glanced at him. Once again, they began staring and lost their places. The butterflies in Jonny’s stomach began to pick up as the voices in his head began to encourage him to kiss Thom. “Stop it,” Jonny verbally spoke to calm the voices in his mind.

“What?” Thom got a confused look on his face.

“Oh uh nothing. Sorry.”

“’t’s okay,” Thom said not breaking the eye contact between them. _Maybe by some miracle he feels the same about you and you won’t know that unless you KISS HIM!_

Jonny scooted closer to Thom and cupped his face in his hands. God his skin was so soft. Thom still didn’t break the eye contact between them as he laid his hand on his wrist. His heart was fluttering and his breathing picked up. _It’s now or never at this point Jonny_. _Just. Do. It._ To shut the voice in his head up, he placed his lips on Thom’s. They were so soft and so gentle moving along with his. They kissed slowly, as if they both didn’t know what they were doing. Jonny definitely didn’t know what he was doing. He’s never felt like this before. Thom’s hand gripped tighter on Jonny’s wrist and the other moved to his hip, urging Jonny to come closer. Jonny got on his knees between Thom’s legs pulling him closer against his chest. _God this is actually happening. This is actually happening._ _No this can’t be happening._ _Yes, it is happening and it feels good. It feels so, so good._

Jonny pulled back and small whimper fell from Thom’s lips. They stayed like that for a few moments. “I um…” He cleared his throat, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me.” Thom was still staring at him with a shocked look on his face.

“Oh my god. I uh,” He was scrambling to get everything together, “I need to go.” Thom didn’t acknowledge him as he hurried out of the room.

“How many more times can you possibly fuck up Jonny?” He rubbed his eyes admitting defeat.

~~~~~~~

“Wait so you kissed this Thom guy?” Colin asked on the other end of the phone. Jonny figured the only wait he would get nonjudgmental advice was from his brother. Plus, he needed to call him as it had been about a month since their last call.

“Yeah. I’m not proud of it. I think he has a girlfriend too. Which,” he rubbed his eyes and exhaled deeply, “I just feel really bad. Like I totally could’ve fucked things up for him.”

“Oh shit Jon Jon,” Colin’s voice was almost concerning, “I’m sorry. Did he kiss you back though?”

“Well, I mean yeah, but… Yeah but, shock can do crazy things.” Jonny was flustered. Tears began to well up in his eyes. He sniffled.

“Are you okay Jonny?”

He started to cry, “No. No I’m not. I’ve had one hell of a week. First, the thing with Will and now this. I just don’t know what to do Cozzie.” Tears were pouring out of his eyes.

“Do you want me to come down on Friday? I could at least try to take your mind off things for a bit.”

Jonny always appreciated how caring his brother was. Most siblings would fight when they were younger but Colin and Jonny never did. Well, they did when they were real young, but then their dad died when Jonny was four, and they decided nothing was worth fighting over. They became closer and Colin always made sure his brother was cared for before he took care of himself. “Can you?” Jonny sniffled.

“Of course. What time do you get off work so I can buy the train ticket?”

“Uh five usually.”

“Great. I’ll get on that now. See you later Jon Jon. I love you.”

Jonny smiled slightly and sniffled, “Bye Cozzie. Love you too.”

The other line went dead and Jonny hung up and pulled his knees up to his chest. He just wanted to forget about the world for a few days. Maybe forever. Could he cancel the performance and forget about Thom forever? No he couldn’t it would be so unprofessional of him. Jonny cried for a few hours and eventually fell asleep to the image of him kissing Thom.

~~~~~~~

Thom got home and slammed his front door shut and slid down it. Tears were pouring out of his eyes faster than he could wipe them. “God you fucked up Thom. You so fucked up,” he said with his teeth clenched together. He was angry at Jonny and at himself. How could he let this happen? How could he let Jonny just do that to him? How could he possibly enjoy that? He wasn’t gay. Was he? No he wasn’t. He couldn’t be.

“Oh god how do I tell this to Lucille?” The thought hadn’t even crossed his mind, “You cheated on your girlfriend. Oh my god.” His fingers gripped to his hair tightly and he rocked himself. He just wanted to disappear completely and never come back. “This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening,” he kept repeating to himself.

After about thirty minutes of cursing himself he decided to call Ed. Ed had to understand right? “Hello?”

“E-Ed?” Thom sniffled.

“Hey Thom. Are you okay? You sound like you’ve been crying? Is everything okay?” He seemed worried. He began to cry once again.

“N—” Thom couldn’t even form words.

“What happened? Do you want me to come over? I’ll come over.”

He didn’t want Ed to see him like this. He was a complete mess but a heart-to-heart with him had to be done. “Y-Yeah okay.”

It wasn’t even about fifteen minutes until there was a knock on his door. “Come in!” Thom yelled and quickly wiped his eyes as to show he wasn’t as a mess as he actually was. Ed walked in quickly and sat by him and took a good look at his face.

“Oh my god Thom,” he whispered, “are you alright? What happened?” The tears fell from his eyes once again.

“I-I don’t know. I-I…” He was mess. “I can’t process it.”

“Process what? Did something happen to your family?” Thom shook his head. “Did something happen with Lucille?” He shook his head again.

“I-I kissed Jonny. A-And I-I. God I fucked everything up.” His hands gripped to his hair once again.

“Woah, woah, hey, hey, hey. You’re okay.” Ed grabbed his hands, “Tell me exactly what happened.”

Thom didn’t want to reminisce on the situation. It was already horrible enough, the last thing he needed was to relive again. But Ed could help him maybe. “W-Well,” he sniffled and wiped snot from his nose on his sleeve. Ed handed him a box of tissues. “Well I was practicing our solo piece that w-we are going to be doing for the recital, a-and I guess Jonny didn’t leave with everyone else. He asked me if it was okay that we practiced together and I said, ‘sure’ because I-I don’t know maybe it would be helpful. A-And,” he started to cry again, “I-I don’t know Ed. He just looked so beautiful. B-But I’m not gay I can’t think those things. But h-he did an-and I just got sidetracked. We stopped a few times be-because I guess we both got distracted and he just came in for the kiss.” He tried to compose himself but he was mess. His emotions were a mess. He was so confused on what to feel. “And I liked it Ed! I wanted more. But I-I’m not,” His breathing was too heavy to finish speaking.

Ed grabbed Thom and placed his head on his chest. “Hey, hey. You’re okay Thom,” he stroked Thom’s messy hair, “Things like this happen all the time. It’s crazy how life is sometimes. Sometimes the weirdest things happen and we find a little bit more about ourselves that maybe we didn’t know existed, and we don’t know what to do with ourselves. Who knows? Maybe you are gay or maybe you’re not. Maybe you’re bi or maybe you’re not. Maybe you like Jonny and all your feelings for Lucille came from a lie or maybe they don’t. Maybe this was just a moment that came from nothing or maybe you guys have deeper feelings for each other. Whatever it is Thom, I’m always going to be here for you. Always. If you feel like ‘hey maybe I am gay or bi or whatever’ then nothing will change. You’re going to be okay. It’s all going to be okay. I promise you. The world will still turn and you’ll still be Thom Yorke. Nothing will change between us. I’ll still hang with you. I’ll still goof around with you and I’ll still be your shoulder to cry on if you need one. I promise you. Everything will be okay.”

~~~~~~~~~~


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys had a wonderful holiday! Got tons of Radiohead shit for Christmas which yay! :D Also, I got Tomorrow's Modern Boxes and god it's so pretty. I've spent so much time admiring pictures and now I actually have it. It's so much prettier in person. It's weird but true. Can't wait to listen to it!  
> As I said last chapter, Ed is my favorite. I LOVE MY ED! I love my Ed. I. Love. My. Ed. I hope you guys are loving him too! Also, I feel so bad for leaving Phil and Colin out and I'm trying sO HARD to get them in this story but it's so hard to write five characters and make them good characters. I'm hoping in the next few chapters to build their characters. *cough, cough* Also I have to put CoEd in here cause I literally love CoEd *cough, cough*. Also, there is smut in this chapter and I hope I can improve my smut writing skills. There will be plenty more where it came from so I have to get better. And I feel like this story line is moving too fast so for the next few chapters I will be building up the characters (and tension cause I love some tension).  
> Anyways, I am sorry for rambling again I do that a lot. I like to ramble. But you're probably not even reading this anymore so I don't know why I'm even bothering lol.  
> Enjoy! :D  
> Ps. This is dedicated to someone by the name of nina you're amazing and your comments keep me going. Thank you for reading and thank you for loving it so much! You rock :D

Chapter 5

Thom woke up immediately dreading the day ahead of him. Ed lay next him tightly sleeping. He asked Ed to stay with him for the night as he really didn’t want to be alone with his feelings and all his confusion. Today, he would have to tell Lucille and he was terrified of what her judgement would be. Tears formed in his eyes as his memory recalled the events of last night. “Ed,” Thom whispered lightly shaking him awake.

“Hmm?”

“It’s eight o’ clock. We have to get ready to go to work.” He definitely didn’t want to go. _Fuck today is the solo practice. You’re going to have to spend the whole day with him. No. Fuck._

Ed sat up and rubbed his eyes, “Are you sure you’re capable of being in the same room as Jonny?”

 _No._ “Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay…” Ed had a look like he knew Thom was lying but he obviously wouldn’t fight him. “How will you tell Lucille?” Thom just shrugged and began to cry again. He didn’t want to lose her already. He spent seven months chasing after her and to lose her like that. It broke his heart. “Just be honest mate, I’m sure she’ll understand. Plus, I’m your wingman I could talk to her about the misunderstanding.”

Thom grabbed him into a tight embrace, “Thanks Ed.”

Ed wrapped his hands around the tiny man’s body, “Anytime Thommy. I love you.”

“I love you too Edwin.”

~~~~~~~

“So today is solo day. For the guys who won’t have solos you can just practice through all the pieces or help a friend you know whatever. Sound good?” Hugh asked and everyone’s head nodded, except Thom’s he was dreading the next eight hours. Maybe he could back out. Sometimes, there are things just weren’t worth it. Before Hugh dismissed everyone, Thom spoke up, “Um Hugh?”

“Yes Thom?”

“I can’t perform my solo with Jonny,” He said softly.

“Well why not?” Hugh looked concerned.

“Well, I’ll probably mess it up on performance day and I can’t bring everyone down like that.” He looked over at Lucille who looked at him concerned.

“Well that’s why we practice Thom w—”

“I just know I will Hugh. Jonny and I p-practiced last night and I just know it wouldn’t be right if I fucked it up for everyone.” His mind tried not to think about last night.

“Well… okay. Just practice the pieces then.” Hugh scribbled out the name of the piece from his list of songs they would be performing.

~~~~~~~

“I can’t perform my solo with Jonny,” Jonny could feel his heart drop out of his chest. He really fucked it up. _Good going Jonny_ , he thought. His eyes landed on Thom who was talking to Hugh about why he couldn’t play the piece. He was expecting this to happen after the way he left last night but it still hurt that Thom didn’t want to spend time with him. His eyes watched as Hugh marked out the piece. _Maybe it’s for the best. It’s definitely for the best. No it’s not. You like him. You want to kiss him again and never stop. But he doesn’t like you. Why doesn’t he like you? He kissed you back for crying out loud. The way he was looking at you too. He had that look in his eyes. Well what’s done is done Jonny and this is how it will be I guess._

Jonny grabbed his guitar and his laptop and practiced his solo piece. He sat there hunched over completely focused on the music coming out of his fingers. His mind quieted about the events last night and focused more on keeping count with the music. He listened to Thom next to him warming up. _Dammit Jonny._ His mind tried so hard to keep focused on the music. He looked up at Thom when he heard him stop playing. _He’s staring at you like he did last night. It’s that look._ Thom’s doe eyes were focused on Jonny and he completely lost focus. They sat like that for a moment before the crash of a music stand interrupted him. It was Ed’s stand. Ed looked over at his friend sitting at the piano.

“Sorry everyone,” Ed blushed. Jonny was not going to lie he was angry at him. In that moment, he felt like it was just him and Thom and no one else. He wanted to go back to it. The butterflies kicked up in his stomach and his body became warm from the feelings inside him.

~~~~~~~

After practice, Thom approached Lucille. His palms were sweaty and the tears were already welling up in his eyes. His heart began to beat quickly and he took a deep breath. “Lucille can we a talk a minute?” he asked weakly.

“Of course Thom. Is everything okay?” She asked as she packed up her violin and music.

“In private?”

“Of course.”

Thom pulled her to a dark hallway in the back of the building. It was peaceful back here. His nerves quieted a little bit but then he began to speak, “So I-I did something bad.” Tears formed in his eyes.

“Oh my god Thom please don’t tell me you’re an axe murderer,” Lucille giggled and he couldn’t help but let out a small giggle. Her humor calmed him down a bit. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

“No, no. I’m not.”

“Thank goodness. I’m not ready to die yet,” her mood changed once she caught sight of Thom crying, “Oh my god Thom is everything okay?” She whispered.

“No. Nothing is fine!” Thom raised his voice.

“You can always talk to me Thommy. What happened?” Her soft hands grabbed Thom’s face. He couldn’t stand to look at her so he just closed his eyes.

“I-I… Jonnny…” He didn’t know what to say.

“What happened? Did Jonny say you’re the worst piano player or something? Just ‘cos he’s your hero doesn’t mean h—”

Thom interrupted, “We kissed okay?! Jonny kissed me! And I kissed him back!” Lucille stepped back for a moment. Thom slid down the wall and cried. She just stood there in complete shock. All the confusion and memories flooded in his mind once again.

“Y-You what?” _Oh god you really fucked this up. She hates you now._ His fingers gripped to his hair. Now would be a great time for him to disappear.

“We k-kissed.”

Lucille became flustered. “Wait, wait, wait, wait. So you kissed him back? That means you have to like him right?”

“No it’s not like that…” Thom’s voice was soft.

“Then what is it like Thom?! You told me you liked me seven months ago and now you go off kissing some guy! This makes no sense Thom! Are you gay and you’re just using me?!”

Thom honestly didn’t know what he was. This was just freak thing that happened. He didn’t like Jonny. It was just shock from the moment. Plus, Jonny was his hero and he’d do anything to make him happy. “I-I don’t know…”

“You don’t know what Thom?!”

“I don’t know… I just don’t know,” He gripped his hair and put his head in his knees. “I don’t know,” he whispered to himself.

“Yeah okay. Well call me when you figure it out.” She stormed off leaving Thom alone.

Right now, he didn’t want to be alone. Being alone scared him. It left him with his confusion and right now was not the time to figure his life out. Right now, he just wanted to forget everything. He wanted to go home and sleep but he was too weak to move. “Thom? Are you back here?” Ed called. Before Thom could say anything Ed was already next to him collecting him in his arms. “I’m taking that it didn’t go so well?” Thom shook his head and cried. “Aw Thommy,” Ed’s voice was sympathetic.

He knew nothing he could say could make Thom feel better. Thom had to figure this out himself because it was his life. All Ed could do was sit back and offer advice if he needed it. As much as he hated it, he knew it was best for Thom.

“Let me sound old for a moment,” Ed giggled and Thom sniffled. “I remember when I was your age. I was actually at uni studying business. And let me tell you it was the most boring time of my life. I had a steady girlfriend and she was so ready to settle down. I was less excited about it because I knew my life didn’t feel right. My parents pushed me to go into business because it was a steady degree but I wanted to play violin. I knew I was good but they thought I would set myself up for failure. So, I spent my whole life playing it safe. It really fucked me up because I knew there was something in there telling me to take chances but I was conditioned to always play it safe.

“My friends took me out drinking one night and man I got _really_ drunk and I don’t know I just remember thinking ‘I’m going to wake up tomorrow and I’m going to have this girl in my bed that I don’t love at all. I’m going to go to school for this thing that I barely understand ‘cos I hate it so much. And I’m going to be unhappy with my life because I don’t take chances.’ So the next day I woke up and called it quits with my girlfriend and I dropped out of school and pursued violin. It was not an enjoyable conversation with my parents,” he giggled softly at the memory, “but I knew I would’ve died if I continued on the path I was going on.

“And let me tell you Thom. I’m still learning things about myself. I’m still growing. It never stops no matter how old you get. You may think you had your whole life figured out, but no one actually does. We’re always changing which means there’s always new things to discover. You’re just discovering a new thing about yourself and it’s confusing but you’ll get through this and you’ll become a much better person because of it. And I can’t wait to see where you end up. If you turn out to be straight or if you turn out to be gay, I’ll still be so proud of you because it takes a lot out of you going through this journey. I’m always proud of you Thommy.”

Thom smiled and wiped his eyes. Ed’s consoling that he got just now made him feel a little better. Although, he could go for a few drinks right now. “Thanks Edger.”

Ed giggled, “You’re welcome Thommy.”

“Wanna go out for a few drinks?” He asked.

“I’m always down,” Ed giggled.

As they walked out, they noticed Phil still sitting there practicing a part in one of the pieces. “Ay Phil!” Thom interrupted his playing.

“Yes Thom?”

“Ed and I are going out for a few drinks wanna come with us?” He asked hopeful in his answer. It would be fun to get to know him better.

“Yeah sounds great. Just let me pack up and we can go yeah?” Phil was already packing before Thom could say anything.

~~~~~~~

A few drinks turned into about ten for Thom. His goal was to do anything to get rid of the thoughts and memories in his mind. He wanted to forget the look Lucille had when he told her. He wanted to forget everything that happened in the past few days. He wanted to forget Jonny. His mind was fuzzy at this point and he couldn’t care less. It was much better than thinking of _he who should not be named._ “Thom mate slow down a bit,” Ed warned cautiously.

Thom’s voice slurred, “What are you talking about?”

“You’re really drunk. You should chill out a bit,” Ed pulled his beer away from his hands.

“But Eeeeed!” Thom was like a little boy who just got his favorite toy taken away from him.

“But nothing.” Ed definitely felt like a father to Thom especially now. He was so lost and he didn’t know where he was going and Ed just wanted to protect him and keep him safe.

Phil was laughing at Thom’s face. “God he’s drunk as fuck.”

Ed sighed, “Yeah I’ve never seen him like this.”

“Is he okay?”

“Yeah he’s just… he’s a handful.” Ed giggled. It was like talking about his own child.

“Ay!” Thom giggled, “I am not a handful!”

“Yeah keep telling yourself that,” Ed patted his head and looked at Phil, “Sorry about this.”

“Nah its fine. I really should go though.”

“Okay see you tomorrow. And hopefully sometime we can hang when Thom doesn’t get completely wasted,” he giggled. Phil smiled and hugged the guys.

“Byeeeeeee Phil!” Thom kissed his cheek and Phil giggled and left. He turned to Ed, “I like Phil.”

“Okay we need to get you home. You’re way too drunk,” Ed said.

“No I don’t want to go home!” Thom pouted like a little child.

“Yes you’re going.” Ed picked him up and plopped him over his shoulder and carried him down the street to Ed’s flat.

Thom plopped on Ed’s bed and watched Ed as he tidied up around the room. He was definitely a bachelor. Underwear and dirty shirts lay all over the floor and used silverware was scattered over his night stand. “Wow Ed I thought you’d be a little tidier than this,” Thom giggled, “You know that you’re old and all.”

“Shut the fuck up Thom,” Ed threw a dirty white shirt at Thom’s face and he laughed and laid back on Ed’s bed.

Thom took notice about how the sheets smelled like Ed and smiled to himself. He smelled like nature and sweat and Thom right now was growing a strange attraction to the smell. He closed his eyes and put his hand over his face and started laughing to himself. “Goddd I am so drunk.”

“You finally came to your senses,” Ed giggled.

“Fuck off mate,” Thom snickered.

Ed took his shirt off and Thom watched every move he made. _God he is so fit. God you’re way drunk._ Ed turned the lights off and crawled in bed next to Thom. The small man scooted closer to the taller one. He loved the way Ed’s body heat radiated off him and Thom got the warm feeling in his stomach. “Thanks for being there for me,” Thom spoke softly, “It means so much to me. I would’ve felt so alone otherwise.”

“Of course Thom. I’ll always be there for you,” Ed stroked Thom’s hair lovingly. Thom loved how it felt and he closed his eyes at the sensation.

Ed admired how Thom looked laying next him. His fingers never left his hair and Thom sighed with a smile on his face. Ed smiled at him. He opened his eyes and stared at the bright blue eyes staring back at him. They glistened under the moonlight peeking through his bedroom window. Thom was captivated. He scooted closer to Ed and Ed’s breathing hitched.

Thom placed his lips softly on Ed’s and the hand in his hair stilled. They kissed softly. Ed’s hand gripped to Thom’s hair as Thom began to kiss him harder. He moaned against Ed’s lips and began to run his hand up and down his bare chest. His fingers softly stroked his bicep and shoulder. Thom wanted to feel him all over. He was so drunk but right now but, he didn’t care. The warm feeling in his stomach returned but for a different reason. He was turned on.

Thom pulled back and gasped. Ed’s breathing was heavy and his fingers still gripped to his hair. Tiny fingers still ran up and down his bare torso. Ed turned on his back and shook his head and smiled at the ceiling, “I don’t know how you do it Thom.”

“Do what?”

“You just come into someone’s life and you just… You turn everything on its head. I mean not that that’s a bad thing. It’s just how you work I guess. It’s one of the reasons why you’re my best friend. I aspire to be like you,” Ed’s smile grew and he flipped over to look at Thom, “You’re just so…. you,” his hand ran over Thom’s cheek softly, “and I remember thinking the first day in practice, ‘oh god this guy will literally be the death of me. I’m way too old for this I guess,’” Ed grinned at him, “but you literally make me feel so young and like right now I feel like I’m back in secondary school.”

Thom kissed him again and urged Ed to move closer to him. Ed complied and moved so their chests were touching. _God this is nice. This feeling. I love this feeling._ Thom knew this was a bad idea. He was drunk and his judgement was probably clouded. Plus, Ed was his best friend. But he didn’t want to stop. He wanted it. Bad. He loved the taste of alcohol on Ed’s lips. That, in itself was so intoxicating to Thom. Right now he didn’t care about anything or anyone around him except that he wanted Ed. He wanted all of him.

Thom broke the kiss and pushed Ed on his back. He climbed on top of him and began to sloppily kiss his neck. The taller man hummed ran his fingers through Thom’s hair. “Mmmm Thom,” Ed moaned softly. He sucked on Ed’s neck leaving a purple mark. Ed looked up at the ceiling letting the small man above him kiss him all over. Ed pushed him off his neck and pulled Thom’s shirt over his head running his fingers the sides of his torso as he did so. Thom was beautiful he was not going to lie, but it also could be the alcohol in his system. “Jesus Thom,” he whispered as his fingers ran down his body.

Their eye contact remained unbroken as Thom let Ed gently touch him. Shivers ran up his spine and goosebumps began to form. They remained like that for a moment before Ed sat up and kissed Thom hard. Thom moaned. Ed began planting kisses along his jawline and neck, kissing longer in places where he gave the biggest reactions.

Thom’s hands became sweaty and suddenly he was nervous. He’s never done this before and he was clueless on what to do. “E-Ed…?”

“Hmm?” Ed hummed as he kissed his shoulder.

Thom weakly spoke, “I-I’m nervous.”

Ed took his lips off Thom and let their eyes meet. “Do you want to stop?” His hand caressed Thom’s arm.

Thom shook his head, “No. I’m just nervous. I’ve never done this before a-and I don’t know what to do. I’ve had sex with girls before but never with a guy. And I don’t know I’m just clueless and I don’t want to make this like bad.”

Ed smiled at his rambling, “You’ll be okay Thommy. I promise.”

Thom nodded slowly and Ed began to kiss his shoulder once again. Thom exhaled loudly. He pushed Thom on the bed and kissed and nibbled his skin as he went down on him leaving a trail of soft pink marks. _Stop this now Thom. It’s too risky. But god it feels good. So good._ As Ed took off his pants, Thom starting shaking from nerves. Ed smiled and kissed his lips softly. “You’re okay Thom I promise. I’ve got you,” he whispered in his ear and removed Thom’s underwear. Thom’s mind was spinning and he became nervous as he lay naked under his friend. “God you are so beautiful,” Ed whispered as he kissed the head of his dick. Thom moaned and realized any fight he wanted to put up was worthless at this point. He was going to let Ed take him and he was going to like it. God he liked this.

Ed took Thom’s dick in his mouth. Thom leaned his head back and moaned. This sort of thing has happened before to Thom but what he was feeling right now was a new sense of euphoria. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was something bigger. Something he couldn’t put a name to. He definitely didn’t like Ed but man he loved the way he was sucking him off right now. It felt way too amazing for Thom. “E-Ed... God,” Thom moaned. He looked down at the man who was looking up at him. His hand moved to Ed’s hair and guided his head on his dick. _God. I can’t believe this is actually happening. It feels so good. Way too good. God._ His thoughts continued for a while as he enjoyed the feeling of his friend sucking him off. Soon enough, he was close he could feel it. “Ed… I-I’m—” his words were interrupted by him cumming in his mouth.

Ed has definitely done this sort of thing before. He was way too good which made Thom began to wonder the things he never knew about him. _Is he gay? He did bring up the fact that he never loved his serious girlfriend. Why hadn’t he told me yet?_

His thoughts were interrupted by Ed pulling off and he looked at him. “My turn,” Ed giggled out. Thom was all too eager to get started that the voice in his head was outspoken by his eagerness. Ed removed his pants quickly and Thom removed his underwear exposing his huge dick. Thom was shocked and he was nervous again. He was clueless on what to do.

“I-I… I don’t know what to do,” Thom muttered.

Ed’s hand cupped his chin, “Just do what you think feels right and I’ll guide you from there.” Thom took a deep breath and nodded.

Thom was still clueless as Ed looked down at him. Ed giggled and put his hand over his face. Thom blushed. “I know you’re scared Thommy but don’t overthink it. You’ll be okay,” Ed cooed. Thom sucked the head of Ed’s dick and Ed was practically yelling. _You got this,_ he thought. Ed’s hand gripped to his hair tightly and led Thom’s head further down on him. _God this is heaven. No this is really bad._

The voice in Thom’s head returned. “God Thom… fuck,” Ed moaned. And there it goes. Thom wasn’t going to let his nerves ruin his fun. He was young after all and he was learning. They locked eyes and Ed ran his thumb over his cheek. “You are… God… so beautiful… Mmmm Thom,” he moaned. The voice in his head returned for a bit to talk him out of this. But for right now, this felt right and he wasn’t going to listen. “’m… God… I-I’m close Thom!” Ed screamed and with one more thrust Ed cummed in Thom’s mouth. It was gross to Thom so he spit it out and Ed giggled, “You’ll get used to it if you end up liking dick. Although I’ll say you enjoyed it very much.”

Thom laid down next to him and smiled, “Thanks Edberto.”

Ed laughed, “You’re welcome Thommy.”

“A-are you gay? I mean not that I would judge you or anything. You just seemed like you’ve done this before,” Thom rambled.

Ed chuckled, “I’m bi Thommy. I’ve had my share of one night stands with some guys.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I never told you because I didn’t think it was important information to know and you’d probably find out sooner or later so I never bothered.” Thom nodded and Ed smiled at him, “I had fun tonight Thom.”

Thom smiled, “Me too.”

Ed was asleep in a matter of minutes which left Thom with his thoughts. If he woke up tomorrow realizing he’s straight, he’ll still look back at this night with fond memories. Very fond memories. He would remember the way Ed made him feel so comfortable and so free of judgement. The way Ed tasted too. God he tasted so good. Also, the way Ed moaned and thrusted every time Thom moved his head. God he loved this. He loved the feeling. Almost like he _belonged_. He smiled to himself and eventually drifted asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writer's block is a bitch. I've been trying to work through it and hopefully this chapter is okay. I was thinking about rewriting it because I wasn't confident and I want to always give you the best. But as I was reading it over and editing it I realized it wasn't so bad.   
> ALSO, (SPOILER!!) I'm bringing in the Coed for this chapter and boiiiii am I excited. I love Coed.   
> And for some personal news 'cause I'm excited. Over the holiday I came out to my brother and it was so great. It was the easiest conversation I've had in my life (I still cried like a baby though lmao).   
> Anyways, enjoy!! :D

Chapter 6

After work that next day, Jonny went to pick his older brother from the train station. Lord knows he’ll need time with him after the hellish week he’s had. Although, he was kind of scared as to what Colin thinks of him after he told him about his crush on the younger boy he just met.

While waiting, he thought about Thom and how beautiful he looked today. Jonny couldn’t stop thinking about him. He wore an oversized hoodie and sweatpants and he looked so happy. Jonny loved his smile so much and he fell in love with the way Thom looks when he smiles. His heart never stopped fluttering the whole day and he was still having trouble calming it down. _You can't possibly love him. You just can't. But you do. No stop. It’s all just a crush hopefully there will be something about him that you’ll just hate,_ he hoped. God, he really hoped.

Jonny’s eyes caught sight of Colin and he quickly walked over to him. Their arms wrapped around each other and Jonny gripped to him like it was his life. They hadn’t seen each other so long and Jonny missed it. “Have a good trip?” He asked as they finally let go of each other.

“Eh it was as good as a train trip could be,” Colin looked up at his younger brother, “I found this good book a few days ago and I haven't stopped reading and I’m _so_ excited to tell you about it.” He giggled and pulled his bag up on his shoulder.

“Can't wait to hear about it. It’s about time for tea maybe we could go out and you can tell me about it then?” 

Colin smiled, “Sounds good!”

The cab ride to the café was mostly spent talking about how the ride was and how Colin’s life is going. Jonny was dreading the elephant around them and made every stride to not mention Thom. It was going to be a long weekend because sooner or later he would have to open up and Jonny didn't know what to feel or even what to say.

They arrived at the café and sat there for a few moments of silence. “So the book…?” Jonny spoke.

“Oh yeah it's wonderful. It’s called _Dark Valley_ and it’s a really good book about the thirties and a theory about America’s retreat into isolationism and the economic meltdown that kicked off the general global crisis in the thirties,” Colin looked excited. 

He has a degree in English Literature and Jonny has never seen him without a book in his hand, so it was no surprise how animated he would get talking about books. Jonny loved it. When Jonny was younger, Colin would always read him a bedtime story or even just make up one. It was one comfort that Jonny had when he was a little boy and he still remembers some of the stories Colin would tell him. Colin is an author now and his first book was actually a children’s book full of those stories. Now, he writes a lot of nonfiction about the history of Europe.

“Leave it up to you to pick such a boring book,” Jonny teased

“Hey! It is not boring. The cases and facts he presents in this is just amazing!” Colin defended and Jonny laughed.

After he calmed down he said, “I love you Cozzie.” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah whatever,” he giggled.

They sat and drank their tea and Colin talked about how much more glorious Jonny’s life was than his. Jonny had to admit his life was pretty glorious even though it took a long time to get here. Those years of his life where he felt so empty and incomplete and he could never put a finger on what it was. It was such a dark time. He had everything he dreamed; the dream career, the dream house, dream girl, just his dream life. But he still felt like there was a hole. All his life, he had crushes on boys but it felt wrong. Boys weren’t supposed to like other boys. So he brushed it off in hope that maybe he would find a nice wife. “Always find you a girl who completes you Jonny,” their mom would always say. He never found a girl who completes him because girls never completed him. One day, Colin brought his first boyfriend he met at uni home and Jonny felt like there was a revelation inside him. Their mom was accepting of Colin so why was Jonny so afraid? The internal homophobia inside him ate him alive. He didn't want to be gay. 

One night when he was really depressed, he went out drinking with friends and accidentally kissed one of them. At that moment, everything felt okay. He was going to be okay. Coming clean to his wife and his mom and Colin was hard but he did it. And here is now, happier than he’s ever been. Minus the ordeal with Thom and this hellish week he’s had. _One week down, two more to go,_ he would just repeat to himself in his head. 

~~~~~~~

They got back to Jonny’s flat and Jonny made sure Colin was comfortable. Luckily, he hasn’t brought up the whole Thom thing. It was really saving a few years of Jonny’s life. They talked for a while and there was silence. Colin had a meditative look on his face. Jonny just picked at his fingernails.

Colin broke the silence, “So this Thom boy. Tell me about him.” _There it is_. That was definitely a demand and there was no way to back out of his conversation.

“Well uh… What do you want to know?” Jonny asked as if he knew everything about him.

“I don’t know Jonny. What’s he like? What attracted you to him?” Colin looked at him while Jonny avoided eye contact at all costs.

It’s so hard to pinpoint what made Thom so attractive to him. He’s never had a real crush before. Sure, he’s had one night stands and little flings. But, it was just to catch up on what the years he lost. He’s never felt this way about anyone. Jonny just wanted to kiss him and never let him go but Thom didn’t feel the same and it breaks his heart every time he thinks about it.

Jonny shrugged, “I don't know. It was like love at first sight almost. When I walked onto the stage and caught eye of him, it was like this instant feeling. I got the butterflies and the sweaty palms. I mean maybe it was nerves but all I thought was, ‘god he is so pretty’,” he giggled, “and he looked so sick. Apparently, I’m his hero and to him meeting me was the ultimate. His hair is cute too. Like he puts so much hair gel in it it's pathetic but I love it. He’s so tiny too and I just want to hold him in my arms while we make out for a while,” Jonny’s brows furrowed in frustration and tears formed in his eyes, “But there's a part of me that just makes me feel so guilty. I mean he’s 23 and I’m 42. Plus, he's straight. He has a girlfriend. But, the way he kissed me. God, I haven’t stopped thinking about it since it happened. I miss him.”

“You miss him?” Colin’s hand rubbed his back as tears fell from Jonny’s eyes.

“Yes I miss him. Not like I don't see him so I miss him but like the feeling of him. I miss the kiss. The way his lips felt moving with mine and the way he grabbed my hip. The way his face felt under my hands. I miss him. I want it to happen again but…” His words trailed off and he wiped his tears.

“Oh man Jonny you have it bad.”

Jonny sniffled, “I know and I just I want him but I know I’ll never have him but I can never stop thinking about him. I fucking masturbated to him last night.” Colin snickered trying to keep his composure but it was impossible and he let out a full on laugh. “What’s so funny?” Jonny was confused.

Colin tried to calm down, “Sorry.”

He sighed in frustration. Jonny was trying to have a heart to heart but Colin was turning it into a joke. “Just forget it,” his words were soft.

“No Jon Jon. I mean it's so cute. You truly like him and I wish he felt the same. I’ve never seen you so happy before,” Colin smiled

“I’m definitely not happy.”

“You may not think so but you are. The minute I brought him up I saw the light in your eyes just sparkle and your body language. You were so ready to talk about him.”

Jonny tried to think of a good argument but he knew he couldn’t win. Something inside him was always excited to talk to about Thom. But the other part inside him was the guilt and frustration from this whole situation. He just nodded in defeat.

“You know what we should do?”

“What?” Jonny asked.

“Find a good gay bar and go,” Colin suggested. He was older than Jonny but with his personality you’d think he’s the younger sibling.

“Oh god Cozzie. We’re too old—”

“No. we’re definitely not too old to have a little fun. Maybe you can find a nice man to shag to forget about Thom and I can find me a nice fine man to make out with.”

Jonny laughed, “Oh my god Cozzie.”

“What do you say?” 

“I’m in.”

~~~~~~~

They walked into the bar that night and Jonny immediately felt out of place. He was surrounded by younger, horny men and he immediately wanted to go home. Colin, on the other hand, was jumping right in. Within a matter of about fifteen minutes, Jonny already saw him making out with someone. He was always outgoing and bouncy but Jonny was always reserved. A gay bar definitely wasn’t his place.

Jonny sat at the bar sipping a beer while two guys next him were practically humping each other. He wanted to go home so bad but he knew he couldn't leave Colin. His eyes scanned around the bar and dance floor to spot his brother. Colin was so short and scrawny it would be impossible to find him in a crowd of tall, well-built men. 

One of the guys next to him bumped into him knocking the beer onto his lap. “Oh shit. I’m sorry man,” the stranger spoke as his partner pulled him away. Jonny sighed and wiped the beer from his pants. _God I just want to go home,_ he thought as he scrubbed his pants. 

After trying to get most of the beer off his pants, Jonny went to the bathroom to scrub it with some water. As he was cleaning, he heard someone singing in the stall. It caught him off guard and he stood there and listened. _That’s a Pixies song._ He closed his eyes and listened until the sound of a toilet flushing caught him off guard. He continued to wash his pants until his eyes caught guard of… _Thom?!_

    Thom’s eyes widened in shock as he caught eye of Jonny. “Um… hello Thom.”

“Uh. Hi?” Thom was acting like he was a complete stranger and Jonny tried to swallow the feeling in his throat.

“This is awkward,” Jonny softly chuckled.

“Um… I guess,” Thom said as he washed his hands.

“What are you doing here?” Jonny did a mental face palm at his stupid attempt to make a conversation.

“Why do you need to know my life Jonny? We kissed one time and that was it. I don't want you. I don't like you so get whatever misconception you have of me in your head out. I’m not gay. And even if I was I wouldn't like you. And if you must know, I’m here to be Ed’s wingman,” he hurriedly wiped his hands with a paper towel and walked out.

Jonny stood there completely stunned. _Did he just say that? Oh my god he said that_. Tears fell from his eyes and tried to stop them but it was hopeless. “God I fucked it up,” he said to himself in the mirror, “I fucked it up bad.” He just wanted to go home.

His feet carried him around the club trying to find his brother but he was nowhere to be found. Tears kept falling from his eyes. _Why does he hate me? You kissed him you nitwit you fucked it up for him. And yourself. You created false hope for yourself and now you’re here._ Jonny was frustrated at himself and he wanted to go home if only he could find his brother. 

As he was wandering around, he bumped into a familiar face. _Will._ “Oh hey Jonny,” Will smirked

“Hey.” He wanted this conversation to end already.

“Aw. Are you crying? Did Thom break it off and now you’re crawling back to me?” He mocked

“No.”

“Aww really? Did you lose him and now you’re crying ‘cos you miss him?” He turned to his friends, “I bet he’s a good shag considering that he was all Jonny could think about when we were fucking.”

Jonny was a little angry at this point, “Shut up.”

“I’d love to meet him. Get my hands on his dick and show him a good time considering he’s getting second rate with you.” 

“We’re not dating,” he stated. Jonny didn’t want to even think about Thom touching someone else let alone Will.

“Aww really? False hope maybe? Maybe he realized what an asshole you were and found someone else’s dick to ride. Is that why you’re crying? Is it the jealously that he could easily find someone better? The fact that he’ll never love you and you’ll just be stuck here trying too hard?” 

Jonny had reached his point. He grabbed Will and attacked him throwing him to the ground and beating him. They attacked each other while bystanders tried to grab Jonny from on top of Will. There was so much yelling and screaming that it made Jonny feel dizzy. His fists kept pounding on Will’s body and he had a hold of Jonny’s throat.  

“JONNY!” He heard Colin yell amongst the crowd. He felt his arms wrap around his body pulling him off Will. He lay on the ground holding his face.

“DON’T YOU EVER THINK YOU CAN COME NEAR THOM EVER!” Jonny screamed. He had never lost his temper like that before and it caught Colin off guard.

“Woah, woah, woah,” Colin soothingly rubbed his back, “Let’s go home.” He tried to pull Jonny away but Jonny remain planted in his place.

“AND DON’T YOU EVER AND I MEAN EVER! COME NEAR ME AGAIN!” The tears falling from his eyes were from frustration and the anger seething inside him.

Colin finally pulled him out of the mess and tried to get Jonny to calm down. Jonny had never felt this angry before. The way Will spoke to him. The events replayed in his mind. “G-God Cozzie. I fucked it up,” tears continued to fall.

“Tell me what happened in there?!” Colin raised his voice.

“W-Well… I was cleaning off beer on my pants ‘cos some guy accidentally spilled it on me. A-And as I was doing so I-I saw Thom. He was singing and god he sings so beautifully,” his mind calmed down at the memory of his voice, “And I tried to make conversation. B-But he blew me off,” Tears fell faster from his eyes, “I wanted to go home and I ran into Will—”

“Oh god Jonny…” Colin sounded sympathetic.

“And he just goes on about how much he wanted to fuck Thom and show him a good time a-and I never felt this jealous before. I-I just exploded,” Jonny put his head in his hands and cried and Colin embraced him. 

Colin spoke after a moment, “God Jonny you’re really in the bad. You really like Thom.” 

“No shit Cozzie!”

Colin felt it was best if he just kept his mouth shut and let Jonny cool down. In his 45 years of life, he’s never seen his brother act like this. A part of him is glad that Jonny found someone he’s so fond of finally. When he was younger he always suspected his brother was gay but never pressed on the issue with him. He knew Jonny was unhappy in his straight relationships and he himself knew the internalized homophobia he had as Colin had it himself. He wanted Jonny to be happy. But the other part of him was protective of him. Thom was straight which only set Jonny up for failure. He hated seeing his brother like this. 

    A group of people were walking by and Jonny heard a familiar voice speak up, “Oh bye Colin! Nice meeting you call me sometime!” _Ed. Oh my god my brother is hooking up with Thom’s best friend._

“Bye Ed!” Colin yelled and giggled, “Ed is nice. I met him sitting in the corner and he’s so fit. We made out for a good hour. It was… way hot.” Jonny needed to tell him who Ed was.

Jonny looked down at Colin who was smiling like he’s never seen him smile before. _You can't tell him that he just made out with Thom’s best friend. He’d feel sorry for you and break it off. And you can't ruin his happiness like that._ He smiled, “I’m happy for you Cozzie.” 

“Let’s go home.”

~~~~~~~

Thom headed home in complete shock and confusion. _Jonny started a fight because of me. What pissed him off so much? Why is he so in love with me I mean he barely knows me?_ So many questions flooded in his mind and he didn't know what to do. He didn't love Jonny. And here Jonny was starting a big ordeal in a club about him. It wasn’t fair in Thom’s mind to be a part of this mess. His mind started to think about the events leading up to that moment.

This morning Thom woke up in confusion and sudden realization that he and his best friend totally gave each other blowjobs the night before. It was awkward for both Ed and him at first, but they quickly got over it. He liked the events that unfolded last night, he had to admit it, but he definitely didn't like boys.

Then before practice, Lucille approached him apologizing for the way she acted and forgave him and they were back on again. It was like the world fell off his shoulder and he couldn't have been happier. She then proceeded to make fun of the pink marks and hickeys on Ed’s neck. “Wooooah, someone got lucky last night!” She giggled earning a small smirk and laughs from Ed and Thom.

After practice, Ed asked Thom to be his wingman at a gay club and Thom obliged. His friend as done so much for him so it was only right that he pay him back. _What could go wrong?_ He thought. And of course, something had to go wrong. It just had to be the night that Jonny would be there. He tried so hard to brush off that encounter they had in the bathroom. It was so awkward and Jonny was trying too hard to spark up a conversation. 

And then he starts a fight in the club. Thom ended up in the front of the crowd. He was seething with anger and Thom has never seen someone so angry before. “DON’T YOU EVER THINK YOU CAN COME NEAR THOM EVER!” What did the guy say? Why did Jonny feel like he had to defend Thom? He cared so much about Thom. _Too much._

He reached his flat and Lucille was standing outside his door. “Oh hey,” he greeted.

“Hey!” She smiled.

“Not that I don't enjoy your company—‘cos I do—but what are you doing here?” He giggled.

“Just wanted to see you. You weren't home when I first came so I left to get a muffin at the café down the street and then came back,” she recalled.

“How long have you been standing here?”

“Eh, fifteen minutes.”

Thom nodded and unlocked the door inviting her in. _She’s probably wondering where you were. You can't tell her it’ll cause more problems._ “I love your place. It’s small and quaint,” she giggled. Her eyes wandered around the tiny flat.

“Thanks! I like living here. When I was younger, I always pictured living in a place like this,” he smiled.

“Awww you’re cute.”

Thom blushed. There was no way this girl was talking about him. The fact she actually had a thing for him in the first place, was so flabbergasting to Thom. After months of chasing it, he finally had her standing in his living room and she was his girlfriend. It was still such a shock to him.

“We should have sex,” Lucille suggested. It totally caught Thom off guard. _Where did that come from?_

He laughed, “Just be blunt why don't you.” They both laughed. 

She tried to be serious, “I’m serious Thom! We’ve known each other for a while so why is it so bad?” 

“It's not. It's just. That was sudden.” He didn't know what to say.

She chuckled, “Yeah it’s partially the reason why I came over. I was watching a movie and it had this scene and it was _hot_ and I totally pictured you and me together. And so I came over hoping you could alleviate some of my frustration you know?”

Thom smirked, “I can't argue with that.” So with that, he pulled her to his room.

~~~~~~~

“Cozzie?” Jonny spoke in the silence around them. When they finally got home, they just sat on the couch in silence. Both of them were clueless on what to say.

Colin turned to him, “Yes Jonny?” 

“My life is a mess.”

“Well at least you’re aware,” Colin giggled.

“How does someone I’ve just met come into my life and turn it upside down? How does that just…. _Happen_?” He put his head in his sore and cut hands. 

“Love is weird, Jonny. We find this person and our world is turned upside down,” the older brother’s hand went on the younger’s back, “Sometimes we don't know what to do with ourselves and we…. We become infatuated. Like you want to breathe for them. And you're that type of person Jonny. You grow so attached so easily so it’s no shock to me to see how much you care for this Thom.” 

“But he's straight and it's eating me alive. I want him so, so, so bad but he doesn't want me. Do you know how hard it is to be chasing someone you have zero chances with? It fucking sucks a big, fat dick.” 

He was full on crying and Colin just hugged him, “I understand how you feel Jonny I’ve been in this same position many times. And all you can do is move on.”

“I don’t want to move on Cozzie! I want him.”

There was nothing Colin could say at this point to make him feel better. They just sat there for a few hours in silence with nothing but the sounds of Jonny’s sniffling and the jingle of Poppy’s dog tags every time she moved in her sleep. Jonny really had got it bad and Colin was a little concerned.

~~~~~~~~~~


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick update for you all. This weekend my brother is coming to take me to a concert and staying until Monday so I don't know if I'll be able to update next Monday. Also, I start school on Tuesday so I don't know exactly when I'll be putting up the next chapter :/. I'm hoping to do it Thursdays (as I have no classes on Thursdays) but I can't make any promises. I'll probably be putting out a new chapter this week but it is still uncertain as I have to do a whole bunch of shit to get ready for my brother and I have yet to write Chapter 8 :///. I'll try my hardest for you guys though :D  
> Anyway, this chapter we see more CoEd :DDD!!! Also, there's going to be tension. This is probably my favorite chapter I've written it's definitely the one I feel most proud about out of all of them. Also there's a scene in here that is heavily inspired by a book I'm reading called Georgia Peaches and Other Forbidden Fruit by Jaye Robin Brown. It's about a gay girl who has to pretend to be straight and it's definitely not the best book ever written but it's nice to see diversity and it's still a really good book I highly recommend!   
> Sorry for my rambling (I need to stop)  
> Enjoy! :D

Chapter 7

Thom woke up in a haze from last night. First, there was the bar fight. And then, sex with Lucille until early in the morning. _Holy shit. What is real anymore?_ He contemplated the meaning of life for a moment until Lucille turned to look at him. Her blue eyes were glistening in the morning sun peeking through the bedroom window. God she was gorgeous and Thom was so lucky. “Good morning Thom,” she exhaled and wiped her eyes.

“Morning beautiful.”

She was taking Thom’s breath away there’s no way anyone could be more in love than he is right now. He didn't even know he had all the love in him. Her cheeks turned a darker red and Thom was smitten. “I had a _wonderful_ time last night,” she giggled out.

Thom smiled and planted a kiss on her head, “Me too.”

The world seemed like it had paused for a moment. The two of them lay there staring at each other giving occasional smiles and soft giggles. Thom was definitely in love with her. This was actually real. “Lucille?” He piped up.

“Hmm?”

“I really, _really_ like you.”

A big smiled formed on her face and a giggle escaped her mouth, “I really, really like you too Thom.”

_I’ve never been more in love in my life._

~~~~~~~

Jonny was exhausted. He didn't sleep at all last night and just watched Colin. His life was falling apart and it was all Thom’s fault. And now that Colin was dating his best friend it was inevitable that he would see him in the future. A lot of times. Jonny had to tell Colin about it but he didn't want to break his heart. It was definitely a conundrum and Jonny didn't know what to do.

Right now, Colin was making a nice breakfast for them and Jonny was a little content. The sound of eggs sizzling in the pan and the water for tea boiling made Jonny feel at peace. When he sat down with their plates, Jonny knew he had to get real. “So um… Are you and Ed a thing?” Jonny asked quietly.

Colin was caught by surprise, “Hmm.. Oh Ed? I mean… he gave me his number and we made out for a solid thirty minutes and we’ve talked a lot but,” he shrugged and paused for a moment, “I don't know. It would be nice. What I’ve found out about him, he seems great.” A smile crept across his face.

“Well uh… He’s Thom’s best friend,” Jonny played with his food.

“Oh…” Colin sat for a moment, “Well if you want me to not date him I won't.” His face dropped and Jonny felt atrocious for bringing it up.

“No, it's fine. You like him and I’m glad you found someone. I just… I don't know where that came from. I’m just glad you're happy.” Jonny forced a smile.

They sat there in silence for the remainder of breakfast. It was uncomfortable for Jonny considering he just tried to ruin his brother's happiness. “You're not mad are you?” Jonny was insecure.

“Of course not. I can understand where you're coming from Jon Jon. I’m not mad.” A smile formed and Jonny smiled back.

“Good. I’m sorry.”

“Don't be.”

“I love you Coz.”

“I love you too Jonny.”

~~~~~~

The two brothers spent the whole day together and Jonny took him to all his favorite places to hang out. Colin spent the whole day texting Ed and making goofy faces at the phone screen in front of him. This was him totally smitten and Jonny was thrilled for him.

The last time Colin found someone, it was at uni. He brought a nice girl home named Mary and he totally loved her. In fact, they considered a future together and Jonny was excited to have a sister-in-law. But one night Colin came home completely devastated because she broke it off to pursue her career as an internationally famous chef. Colin was happy for her but he never found love again as he insisted he’d never love anyone more than her. It was like a breath of fresh air for Jonny to see his brother in love again.

“So… Ed wants to take me out tonight and I don’t know…” Colin’s voice trailed off and Jonny felt sick for even bringing up the friend thing in the first place.

“Go Cozzie! I want you to be happy,” Jonny urged.

“But I have to leave tomorrow and I probably won’t see him for a while. I can’t get too attached to him.” A look of disappointment spread across his face.

“You’ll see him in a few weeks when we do our big show,” Jonny put on the hopeful tone, “Plus, you’re an author and if you wanted to move to see him you definitely could. Also, trains.” He nodded and Colin looked at him.

“Yeah. You’re right. I’ll go. Plus, I haven’t been on a date in a long time and I need to seize this opportunity,” He smiled.

“Exactly.”

They hugged and Jonny gripped to him tight. It was only a matter of time before this happened and Jonny was overjoyed for his older brother.

~~~~~~~

Colin was going around his brother’s flat nervous as hell. “I don’t know about this Jonny. I haven’t been on date in over twenty years there’s no way I   ‘m good at this anymore.”

Jonny grabbed his older brother’s shoulders and made him look up at him, “You’ll be okay Cozzie. This guy likes you and he wouldn’t judge you if he actually did. I’m sure he’s in a similar situation.”

“Come with me,” Colin demanded.

Jonny was caught off guard. “No I can’t Coz. It’s your time and you need it.”

Colin pleaded, “Please, Jon Jon!”

“No.”

“Jonny please. I can’t do this alone. You’ll be my wingman,” Colin had puppy dog eyes and a pout.

“No Coz,” Jonny looked down at him, “It wouldn’t be fair if I was there.”

“Yes it would! It will make me more comfortable and since he knows you it’ll probably make him more comfortable too.” Colin was pale and Jonny was concerned if he would throw up or something.

Jonny took a deep breath and sighed, “Fine.”

Colin put a big smile on his face and gave Jonny a big embrace.

Jonny was dreading to go with Colin but he realized his brother needed this. He might not have his life together but Colin was working on getting his together and Jonny had to repay him somehow. After everything he has done for Jonny throughout his life, it was only right for him to do this.

They got to the cafe where Colin and Ed were going to before the movie they were seeing and they greeted each other. Jonny noticed Thom sitting the booth and Jonny was cursing to himself. _Of course,_ he thought to himself, _this can’t be happening to me_. They made eye contact and Thom slumped in the booth. “I hope you don’t mind but I brought my brother along. This is Jonny but I guess you’re working with him so you probably know each other,” he giggled.

“No, no I don’t mind. And we know each other,” Ed gave as knowing look like he knew about his biggest secrets, “I brought my friend Thom along ‘cos he’s my wingman.” He gave a big smile to Colin and he blushed. Jonny has never seen him this smitten before.

They all took a seat at the table. Jonny and Thom sat across from each other and their knees brushed together. Thom’s head shot up from his tea and gave the doe eyed look that Jonny was always smitten over. Colin and Ed both got up to order some stuff leaving Thom and Jonny alone. Thom broke the ice, “What was the bar fight about?”

Jonny was confused until the flashbacks hit him. _He must have heard the whole ordeal. God, this can’t be happening._ The last thing he wanted to do was reminisce the whole situation. “I just ran into an ex,” Jonny shrugged it off.

“But you yelled about me. What was that all about?” Thom had a demanding look on his face. He obviously wanted answers.

“It was noth—”

“No it was something. What made you so angry? And why did you feel like you had to defend me?” Thom was definitely getting pissed.

He was getting ready to answer him when the two came back with their drinks. Suddenly Jonny wasn’t thirsty anymore. He just wanted to go home. Colin and Ed were deep in conversation and Jonny and Thom could do nothing but stare at each other. The butterflies in Jonny’s tummy were alive and kicking.

After about a half an hour in the cafe. The guys all went to see a movie. _At least it’ll be dark and I won’t have to look or talk to him_ , Jonny thought. “So we should sit like Thom, Jonny, you, then me,” Ed suggested and Jonny wanted to go jump off a bridge. At least there would be very little talking. Thom went to say something but Ed was already pushing the two of them down the row of seats. Thom slumped and so did Jonny. He looked over at Colin and Ed who were giggling. _They know what they’re doing._ And as much as he didn’t want them to meddle, he also wanted Thom.

The movie was a thriller and Jonny was on the edge of his seat. About twenty minutes into the movie he realized why they decided on it. The two main characters were gay. So gay. One scene the two characters were laying in bed together admitting their love for each other. Jonny looked over at Colin and Ed who were cuddled together and Ed planted a kiss on Colin’s head. _They are just too cute_ , he thought.

His thoughts were interrupted by Thom brushing his leg against his. Electricity fired up in Jonny’s body. His breathing picked up as well as his heart beat. The characters started making out and Thom brushed his pinky against Jonny’s hand. _This isn't happening._ He was breathless. If he could he would grab Thom and kiss him all over taking all of him in. This moment was so intoxicating to Jonny and he wanted him. _God, god, god. Fuck._

The moment seemed to go on forever. And while Colin and Ed were making out, Jonny and Thom were having a moment. The moment quickly ended when they moved on to the next scene. Thom pulled his leg and pinky away and it was like Jonny had lost a lung. He stopped breathing and his heart started to die down. He didn't want the moment to end. _Touch him again._ Jonny brushed his pinky against Thom’s.

The moment returned and suddenly Jonny lost all focus on the movie. His eyes locked on Thom who was focused on the movie. Jonny admired how he looked in this light. The way his beautiful blue eyes glistened, the way his adam’s apple moved every time he gulped from nervousness. He was going crazy. Thom looked down at their pinkies and they locked there. _He's beautiful. The more I learn about him the more I fall in love. I want him. I need him._

Jonny leaned over to kiss him when Thom turned to him. “What are you doing?” He whispered.

Jonny collected himself. _Get it together Jonny._ “I… uh. Sorry.” He faced back to the movie and continued wishing for the night to be over.

~~~~~~~

Thom sat in awe of the movie playing out in front of him. The night was pretty shitty in the fact that he was hanging with Jonny, but this movie made up for it. The characters were well developed and the storyline was just awestrucking. There was also the fact that the characters were gay. Thom definitely wasn't, but it was still nice to see diversity.

As the movie went along, Thom realized what was coming. A scene came on with the characters admitting their love for each other. Thom got butterflies in his stomach and his breath picked up. He glanced over at Jonny who’s eyes were focused on the screen. He moved his knee against Jonny’s and raised his pinky to brush it against Jonny’s hand. _He feels so soft_ , he thought. The heat radiating off Jonny was driving Thom crazy.

The scene played on and Thom’s pinky kept brushing against his hand. The scene kind of played with Thom’s homosexual erotic fantasies, which he definitely didn't have, especially since the night with Ed.

Thom’s palms became sweaty and his heart race picked up. He heard the smacking of lips from Colin and Ed. He looked down. _I wanna kiss Jonny. No you have a girlfriend._ The scene ended and Thom shot back into reality. He moved his pinky and knee. The loss of touch made a wave of sadness rush over Thom. _You have a girlfriend_ , he quickly reminded himself.

A few minutes went by and Jonny brushed his pinky against Thom’s and Thom tried to not pay attention. Even though he wanted more, he also had a girlfriend that he loved very much. As Jonny kept moving his pinky against his, the feeling in Thom’s body made it harder and harder to focus and his eyes locked at their hands. _I want him._ Jonny leaned over to kiss him and Thom faced him and he shot back into real life. “What are you doing?” He whispered. _Please kiss me._

Jonny straightened up, “I… uh. Sorry.” _No, no, no. Please._ He watched as Jonny faced back to the screen and Thom’s heart was racing.

The movie ended. And everything was suddenly awkward. Colin and Ed said bye to each other. And Jonny and Thom gave the world’s most awkward handshake. “See you at work tomorrow,” Thom said.

“See you tomorrow Thom,” Jonny smiled down at him. Thom blushed.

~~~~~~~

Thom was uncharacteristically excited about work today. He basically ran out of bed and rushed through his routine. After last night, he just excited to see Jonny. As friends. But now they know a lot about each other and it's so exciting for Thom. Also, he wanted to do their solo. It was only right that he put this all behind him and be professional.

Thom was running to work when he ran into Lucille walking from the train station. “Wow someone’s excited to get to work,” she chuckled.

“I mean… I guess,” He shrugged it away, “I just changed my mind about the solo with Jonny and I need to tell Hugh.”

Lucille’s face dropped as if she was disappointed, “I don't think…”

“What?”

“I just… After the whole ordeal with Jonny I don't think you should ‘s all,” she looked down

“Well I am. I will make sure nothing happens,” Thom promised.

“Okay…” _She doesn't believe me._

“I promise,” Thom insisted.

“I believe you,” she kissed his cheek.

They walked hand and hand to work together but something in Thom was a little disappointed it wasn’t Jonny’s. Thom insisted it was just him being too excited about seeing Jonny and working with Jonny today. He wanted to feel his warmth again. That feeling was something he never felt before and he wants to feel it again. He wants it for the rest of his life.

They got there and Thom was scrambling to see Hugh. “Hugh?”

He looked up from the piece in front of him, “Yes Thom?”

“Can I do the solo with Jonny? I’ve been practicing and I think I can do it.” Thom was hopeful.

Hugh flipped through pages and spoke, “Of course! I’ll tell Jonny and we’ll add it onto the setlist.” Thom was doing a dance in his head.

He tried to keep composure, “Thanks.”

~~~~~~~

Jonny was late. Late for being early. He was so excited to see Thom today. After last night, he was on cloud nine. The warmth from his touch electrified Jonny and he wanted to feel it all over again. When he got there, Hugh greeted him with the best thing he’s heard in a long time. “So Thom wants to do the solo is that okay with you?”

Jonny wanted to dance around. He said, “Of course. I knew he had a lot of talent and it was so sad to see him not show it.”

“I agree. But you two can work together today. You know catch up on the week you’ve missed,” Hugh smiled.

Jonny nodded and sat down at his Odnes. Thom looked at him, “Are we doing our solo?”

Jonny bit his lip and nodded. Thom blushed and Jonny smiled. _He is so cute._

_~~~~~~~_

Thom was so excited when Jonny nodded at his question. _Yes!!_ He did a dance in his head. Jonny sat down next to him and the warmth returned. If he could, Thom would make a cocoon out of it and sleep in it forever. _You. Have. A girlfriend!_ He reminded himself. Jonny started speaking about the solo and Thom just admired how he spoke. His palms were sweaty and he looked at Jonny’s hand laying next to his leg. The butterflies kicked up and he laid his hand on top of his.

Jonny stopped speaking and looked at him. His heart was pounding so fast it’s miracle he hadn’t gone into cardiac arrest. _There’s a girl who loves you. But also Jonny. No. Girlfriend. But Jonny._ Jonny lifted his hand to run his fingers through his hair and the warmth around them was hotter than the sun. It’s what it felt like to Thom at least. The world went away and it was just him and Jonny. He savored this moment and locked eyes with Jonny.

Thom took time to analyze his face and his featured. From the stubble on his chin, to way his hair partially covered his face leaving a mysterious aspect about him. There was also his perfect lips. It drove Thom crazy and he wanted to feel them against his again. Thom smiled back at the memory. Jonny’s hand moved down his arm and goosebumps formed at the soft touch of Jonny’s hand. His heart was pounding and he was out of air to breath. Jonny bit his lip and Thom was about to fall over the edge.

The moment was interrupted by loud playing on a detuned violin. Thom looked over to the noise. It was Lucille. She was staring at him and he pulled away from Jonny. A whimper fell from Thom’s lips as the warm feeling went away. _Dammit_ , he thought. “Oh god. I’m sorry,” Jonny whispered, “I didn't mean to… sorry.”

Thom was still collecting himself, “Don’t be.” His eyes went on the piece, “So the piece?”

“Oh yeah… Uh. What was I saying?” He giggled and Thom laughed. “Well uh I guess let’s play.” He smiled down at Thom and went back over to the Odnes.

Thom looked over at Lucille who was death glaring him. He mouthed, “It’s nothing.” She just nodded and played her piece. His eyes gazed over at Jonny who was ready to play. “Ready?” Thom nodded and they played. The sound of the piano and the Odnes made it sound like a choir of angels. Thom had never realized how beautiful it was. It was like a match made in heaven. Like him and Jonny. _No._

~~~~~~~~~~~


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note here.  
> So I started back at school which sucks :/. I'll try to update weekly but as far as days I am not sure. It'll probably be Thursdays because that's the day I don't have classes but we'll see!  
> Enjoy! :D

Chapter 8  
  


Thom’s head was spinning a million miles a second by the time they had lunch break. It had really hit him that he was doing a duet with Jonny, the guy who had kissed him, had a weird infatuation with him and was his hero. He didn’t know what to feel at this moment... The image of Jonny sitting next to him, running his fingers through his hair flashed in his mind and that warm feeling returned, and he wanted to feel it again- But he’s not gay. He can’t like Jonny. He just can’t... And Lucille saw it all. Thom realized that he would probably hear it from her in a few moments.

~~~~~~~

Thom, Ed, Lucille, and Phil all walked to a Chinese restaurant across the street from the theater. Ed looked at Thom as if he knew he was feeling sick, that he could throw up at any moment. Lucille grabbed his hand and kissed his cheek making him smile. He leaned over and whispered in her ear, “I love you.” He planted a kiss on her cheek, earning a smile from her. Ed just raised his eyebrows and nodded.

The four of them took a seat at a table and Phil spoke up, “Your solo with Jonny is sounding amazing!”

Thom blushed and nodded. Lucille clenched her teeth as if she was screaming on the inside. Ed was holding in a laugh. “Thanks Philip,” Thom smiled earning a chuckle from Phil, “I’m really proud of how far we’ve gotten. We just have a few things to work on and I’m excited about it.”

“Yeah, you seemed really excited today,” Phil nudged Ed’s arm and they both laughed. Lucille rolled her eyes and forced a smile while Thom remained silent and confused.

“What do you mean?” Thom asked.

“Well I mean you a—”

Lucille interrupted, “We should order don’t you think?”. Thom nodded and they all ordered their plated.

As they finished ordering, the bell on the door rang and Thom caught sight of Jonny walking in. His tall frame made way to a table in the corner in perfect view for Thom. Jonny looked up from the menu in front of him, taking notice of Thom staring at him. They sat miring each other until Ed and Phil’s laughing interrupted him. He turned his head to look at the condiments sitting at the edge of the table. Lucille kissed his cheek. He took a shaky breath before Ed cleared his throat and spoke, “Hey, are you okay, Thommy?” _Why is he so good at detecting these things?_  


“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” He took in a big breath and tried to clear his mind.  


Ed’s protective side came out. “Are you sure?” His giant hand took in Thom’s tiny one and he looked at him with caring eyes.

Thom and Ed were never afraid to come off as too close. When Thom joined the orchestra, Ed was the only person who talked to him and made him feel accepted amongst older people. He really tried to get Thom on his feet after he moved, showing him around and taking him to all the hip places in London. They got drunk a few times together and they might have drunkenly made out a few times, still Ed never judged him. He was always there for Thom and he always made sure of that. Thom always felt he could go to Ed for wise advice.

As there were two other people there right now and Thom didn’t want to start a fire, he nodded, “I’m sure Edgerton.”

Phil laughed at the nickname and Ed just shook his head, “Love you, Thommy.”

“Love you too, Ed.”

“Wow, you guys sure are close,” Phil said.

Ed smiled, “Yeah, Thomas is my best friend.”

Lucille smiled at him and Thom, “Friendship goals a hundred percent!” Thom giggled and put his arm around her and glanced over at Jonny, who was still staring at him. His eyes moved to his arm and then dropped to his drink. Thom felt his heart break a little and pulled his arm away.

“So, are you guys excited for our performance next week?” Lucille asked.

“Yeah, totally,” Phil said, “We’re going to sound amazing! Especially your solo piece, I love listening to you play it.”

Lucille giggled and bit her lip, “Thanks, Phil. You sound amazing too... I mean, you’re like the backbone for our sound.”

Ed raised an eyebrow at her and at Phil, who was smiling at her. “What about you, Thom?” She asked him, but he was staring out the window, lost in his train of thought. “Thom?” She tried to get is attention.

Ed kicked his leg and Thom’s head shot up faster than a bullet, “Hmm?”

“Are you excited for the performance?” Lucille repeated.

“Oh, you bet! We’re all going to do great and your solo piece will be great, it will definitely be our selling point,” He smiled crookedly and Lucille kissed him. He kissed her back and ran his fingers through her hair.

Ed turned his head to look over at Jonny. He sat there staring at the couple before Jonny shot up from his seat and quickly paid the cashier and walked out.

Thom smiled at Lucille and she smiled back.  
~~~~~~~

Jonny rushed to back to the hall with intense feelings of jealousy. _How could he do that? After the moment we had this weekend and just a few hours ago. It’s not fair. Why did I have to fall for him? Why can’t I move on to someone who’s actually accepting that he’s gay? God, I hate him. I hate him so much_ , Jonny thought. He was angry. Not only at himself but at Thom too. It seemed to be a reoccurring thing with them: they have a moment, then Thom denies his feelings for him and puts on the straight act, leading Jonny to feel confused and angry. And right now, Jonny was definitely confused and angry. He was going mad.

Practice went into full force again after thirty minutes and Jonny couldn’t keep his eyes off Lucille. He didn’t want to think of her as competition, but he definitely felt she was… Although, there wasn’t much competition to begin with. Thom looked at Jonny in a different way than he looked at Lucille. Thom’s eyes sparkled every time they touched, but with Lucille it felt forced. Jonny wanted to save him but he couldn’t with Thom’s denial.

He looked over at Thom who was sitting there picking at his nails while the strings practiced the beginning part in Application 45 Version 1. This man was the death of him. It seemed like every day, Jonny was picking out something new to love about him. Jonny took a deep breath and rubbed his hand over his face.

~~~~~~~

That night, Thom sat on his couch alone, drinking some store bought wine while watching a boring ass television show. He wasn’t even paying attention, he was just thinking about Jonny and how he would feel sitting next to him… Touching him. Thom was definitely a bit tipsy from the wine. He tried to clear his mind from the thoughts by ignoring them and focusing on the show.

Shivers ran up his spine as he thought about Jonny kissing his neck and running his hands over his tiny body. He pictured Jonny nibbling at his skin and sucking at the base of his neck where his shoulder meets. Thom clenched his teeth and grabbed his phone. He needed advice.

“Hello?” Ed answered at the other end of the line. Tears were forming in Thom’s eyes, “I’m not fine, Ed. I’m definitely not fine!”

“Woah, woah, woah, what’s wrong Thommy?” This seemed to happen all the time these past few weeks.

“I started picturing Jonny.”

“Okay…?”

“Like… sexually.”

“Oh,” Ed had a realization.

“I’m so confused. I don’t know what I want anymore… Who even am I?” Thom was going through an existential crisis.

“You’re Thom,” Ed giggled.

“Ha-ha,” Thom mocked and got serious, “I’m serious, Ed. This is serious. I don’t know anymore.”

“Well you definitely feel something for Jonny. That’s undeniable at this point,” Ed said.

“But I’m not gay! I also had a lot of wine.”

“Stop making excuses Thom!” Ed raised his voice and Thom was caught off guard, “You need to stop, okay? You’re not gay. You definitely feel something for Jonny. You don’t have to put a label on your identity, Thom, but you’re definitely not a hundred percent heterosexual. And wine?” He laughed, “That’s the stupidest excuse. It definitely doesn’t erase the fact that you were about masturbate to Jonny.”

Thom felt offended, so he just hung up and pulled his knees to him and cried. This was such a stupid internal conflict that even his best friend thinks so. The way Ed laughed and called his “excuses” stupid made Thom feel like shit. Ed had never spoken to him like that before. His phone vibrated as Ed was calling him but he ignored it and left him at voicemail. This kind of thing has never happened between them and it made Thom cry harder.

About ten minutes later there was a knock at the door and Thom was cursing at himself. He knew it was Ed. He knocked a few times before yelling through the door, “I’m sorry, Thom! Please let me in… We need to talk about this.”

“Go away, Ed! You obviously don’t care!” He yelled.  
“Of course I care, Thommy… I love you and I always want to be there for you. I failed and I’m sorry.”

“Please go away,” Thom pleaded.

“I didn’t take a train and a five minute walk in the frigid cold for me to just ‘go away’! I want to help you!”

“I’m a mess right now.”

“It’s nothing new to me, Thom. I want you to not be a mess, which is why I want to help you,” Ed explained.

Thom gave in, “Come in.”

Ed was inside his apartment and collecting Thom in his arms in milliseconds. “I’m sorry, Thom, I really am,” Ed spoke in a sincere voice.

Thom nodded, “It’s fine.”

“I mean, most of what I said it’s true though, Thom. You’re definitely not completely straight and you definitely feel things for Jonny.” Ed was treading on rocky ground.

“I don’t, Ed. I don’t like Jonny.”

“Listen, Thom. I see the way you look at him. Your eyes light up like the sun and then the way you like touching him. The movie a few days ago definitely sold it for me. I saw the way you guys were subtly touching each other. The way you guys were definitely having a moment this morning.”

“I’m not—”

Ed shut him up by interrupting him, “Thom, I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s your internal homophobia or maybe you’re just nervous about liking a guy for the first time or maybe because he’s old. I don’t know, Thom. But, being gay or bi is fine and I can’t stress it enough. No one will hate you. We’ll all accept you and if anyone doesn’t, I will definitely be there to protect you like always. Also, guys are great to date and dick is wonderful. I mean, you kind of know that already,” Ed giggled at the memory of them two giving each other blowjobs, “And Jonny may be in his forties but that’s okay. I mean, you’re a big boy now,” Thom laughed and sniffled, “You can date whoever you want.”

“Ed…” Thom was tired. He was tired of this internal conflict and tired of the confusion.

“I mean it, Thom.”

Thom began to cry again, “I-I-I’m just tired. I just want this all figured out. I’m tired of all the confusion.”

Ed ran his fingers through his hair gently, “Just think, only a week and a few days and you’ll never have to see him again.”

Something about never seeing Jonny again made Thom feel even sadder. He wanted see Jonny every day. Maybe that was just because he was his hero or maybe because he gives Thom a warm feeling that he’s never felt before but either way he wanted to keep seeing Jonny.

Thom scrunched his face and looked down, “Maybe I don’t want to not see him ever again…”

“It’s because you like him Thom.”

“I don—please don’t say that okay? I’m just confused and I’m scared.”

“Okay, I’ll shut up about it,” Ed said defeated. He saw this guy in Thom who was screaming to get out, whoever he was.

“Please stay,” Thom begged.

“Of course, Thommy. Anything for you,” Ed declared.

~~~~~~~

Jonny got home late because of a piece he was writing was holding him up. He walked through the door and immediately dialed Colin’s number into his phone. He needed a good talk especially with all the raging jealously still burning inside him.

“Hey, Jonny! What’s up?” Colin asked on the other line. He always loved hearing his brother’s voice. Jonny was at peace for a moment.

“I need advice. Like always, I guess,” Jonny snickered.

“About what?” Colin asked.

Jonny sat and thought for a moment. There was so much going on at once. First, there were the small moments he and Thom had. Then, there was the jealousy of him seeing Thom being all lovey-dovey with his girlfriend.

“I think Thom likes me,” Jonny suggested. Immediately as the words fell from his lips he put his hand to his face. That was the stupidest thing of him to suggest that he did. It made him feel like he was acting cocky.

“That’s nothing new,” Colin laughed, “Ed and I were just talking about this. He texted me before you called.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, he was just talking about he went over to Thom’s, who was crying because he doesn’t like you or something like that. I don’t know really, but he was crying over you,” Colin rambled.

Jonny felt his heart break at the thought of Thom crying especially over him. Suddenly, Jonny had a lump in his throat. He sighed, “Man, I fucked him up.”  
“No, you didn’t, JonJon. He’s just confused, ‘s all. He doesn’t know who he is… I mean, you’ve been through the same struggle.”

“Yeah, but he wouldn’t have had to go through all this if it wasn’t for me!” Jonny yelled.

Colin was taken aback. He spoke softly on the other end, “Maybe you were good for him, Jonny. Maybe he needed you… You know, to figure himself out.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t have to make him cry.”

“Sexuality is confusing, Jonny. I mean, you know that and I know that... It makes you cry because you aren’t taught this stuff in school. So you’re left with nothing but your own mind and heart to figure it out and it’s confusing when you do because you don’t know what to call it, or maybe there’s internal homophobia or whatever. But it’s draining and makes you more emotional… you know this, I’m sure,” Colin affirmed.

“Yeah, but it’s just… I hate to think about him crying,” Jonny honestly said.

“Aww, JonJon!” Colin giggled, “You’re so in love.!It’s too cute.”

Jonny couldn’t help but blush. “Shut up, Coz!”

Colin laughed.

After a long moment of Colin laughing, Jonny asked, “So speaking of Ed, how are you two?”

Colin cleared his throat and got all excited, “Oh we’re great! We’ve been texting almost nonstop for the past few days and he called me earlier to say he was thinking about me. How cute is that? I’ve never thought in a million years this would ever happen to me again, JonJon… Like, there is a guy out there who really likes me and I like him too.”

“Aww, Cozzie, that’s great! I’m happy for you,” Jonny smiled at his brother’s words. It’s been awhile since he’d heard his brother seem this happy.

“I can’t wait to see him again in a week and a few days. Like, it’s going to be great. Ed says he has something special planned, so that’s exciting,” Colin added.

“Oh, I’ll have to ask him about that,” Jonny giggled.

“Oh my goodness, yes, and please tell me what it is so I can pack accordingly.”

“No, why would I ruin the surprise?”

“Jonnyyy,” Colin moaned.

“No, Coz.”

“Fuck you,” Colin said.

Jonny snickered and changed the subject, “So how’s your book coming along?”

“Oh, it’s going okay… I thought branching out to write some fiction would be a way to challenge myself and man, it is tricky. Like, I’ve been having complete writer’s block for days and I can’t seem to write anything no matter how hard I try and think about it... How’s your practicing going?” Colin asked in return.

“Man, that sucks, Cozzie. I hope you get it soon but knowing you, you’ll get it. And practice is going great! Thom said he wanted to do the solo again which caught me off guard—”

Colin interjected, “Oh?”

“Yeah! I don’t know where it came from… Maybe from the movie the night before but I don’t know. We kind of had a moment this morning.”

“Ohhhh!” Colin was excited, “What kind of moment?”

“Nothing big… He just touched my hand and it was like the world disappeared for a bit, you know what I’m saying? Like, I wanted to kiss him really bad but I didn’t want to fuck up again. Plus, he has his girlfriend who rudely interrupted us but I can see why. I mean…” Jonny sighed, “This is so hard for me. Like, Thom obviously likes this girl and here I am trying to steal him away from her. And at lunch today, I felt jealousy like I’ve never felt before. Like, it physically hurt my body to see him being with her. I don’t know any more, Coz… I’m hopelessly in love with him,” Tears streamed down his face. “I’m truly, madly, deeply, hopelessly in love with Thom.”

“It’s finally nice to hear you finally admit that,” Colin softly said on the other end, “Listen Jonny, I’m glad you’re in love with someone and Thom seems like a great guy. And right now it seems like you’re love with someone who you have no chances with but from the sounds of it, it seems like he likes you too. Just give Thom the time and he’ll come around. Hopefully, at least. You know, for the sake of your soul,” He giggled.

Jonny smiled, “Well, it’s late, Cozzie… I better get ready for tomorrow. Love you.”

“I love you too, Jonny,” Colin affirmed.

They hung up and Jonny sat there for a moment. _Thom was crying because he didn’t know if he liked you or not. Give him time and maybe he actually will come around_. Oh man. Jonny tried not to get his hopes up but soon enough he was picturing where the two of them would go on their first date.

~~~~~~~~~~


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it's been so long since I last posted a new chapter. I think I now have a schedule so I can try as much as possible to get them up every week now. YAY!   
> I just want to thank Ana who is my beta for me. She's amazing and now I think my chapters are so much better quality wise. Also she did some edits in this so thanks to her!  
> I also reached over a combined 400 reads on here and on cheesecake archive. So thank you so much! I never thought so many people would read my work (and also enjoy it)! So thank you so much for reading!  
> Anyway it's been a while so get on with reading!  
> Enjoy! :D

Chapter 9

The next day, Thom almost called in sick for work so he could avoid Jonny. Just as his fingers began typing in Hugh’s number, he paused. _It’s only a few more days. Yeah, but you also have to see Jonny._ He typed the number and his thumb hovered over the call button. _You can’t do that to the others that would be arrogant._ He turned off his phone and got ready for work.

~~~~~~~

Jonny sat in his office, scribbling notes on a piece he was working on when there was knock on the door. “Come in!” he yelled. His mouth bit down on the pen cap as he heard the door open. It was Ed. “What do you want, Edward?” Jonny called him by his proper name.

“Please don’t call me Edward,” Ed said as he sat down in a chair in front of Jonny’s desk.

Jonny looked up from his paper, “What do you want, _Ed_?”

He plopped his feet on Jonny’s desk, “I want to talk about Thom.”

Jonny paused everything for a moment. His heart started to pick up the pace at the mention of Thom’s name, but soon he collected himself. “What about him?” he asked.

“What do you want from him?”

Jonny paused for a moment.

“Well…?” Ed pushed.

“I love him, Ed... I really do and all I want is him to acknowledge that he loves me too,” Jonny spoke in an annoyed tone.

“What makes you think he loves you?” Ed asked mirroring Jonny’s aggravated inflection.

“I see the way he looks at me, Ed! Remember the time we all went to the movies together? He kept touching me... It was subtle, but every time one of us pulled away he kept going back. When I first walked on that stage I could see it in his face. Granted that was probably ‘cos he was star struck by me... But what about the kiss? He wanted more.”

Ed interrupted him for a moment, “But you pushed yourself on him, Jonny.”

“I did not! Everything was so natural... It’s like we’re being pushed to be with each other but Thom can’t seem to get a handle of it,” Jonny rubbed his head.

“ _You_ are the one who has to get a handle on the fact that he needs time, Jonny! You came into his life and fucked it all up and he’s confused on how to figure this shit out!” Ed yelled.

“I did not fuck up his life, Ed!” Jonny was annoyed at his accusation.

“I didn’t mean it like that…” Ed sighed, “I meant that you came in and you changed his view on himself and he’s just confused. You just need to give him time to figure it out.”

“I don’t want to wait for him!”

“If you loved him enough, you’d give him time.”

Tears swelled up in Jonny’s eyes. He knew Ed was right, but he wanted Thom and he didn’t want to keep waiting for him to come around. After their performance, who knew when he’d see him again? Sure, there was the tour they had to do, but that was scheduled for a month afterwards.

“I love him, Ed, but I can’t wait.”

~~~~~~~

Thom went back in the hallway to get a piece of paper from the printer so he could write notes from the play-through that was happening today. Only a week to go until the performance and Thom was nervous for that practice. Playing in front of your peers is different than when you’re performing in front of a large group that you don’t know. And his and Jonny’s solo... Their parts worked so well together. It felt like marriage, and that thought made Thom feel clammy.

As he was walking down the hall, he heard Ed talking. He stopped in his tracks and listened to his conversation.

“What makes you think he loves you?” He heard him ask. _Is he talking to Jonny? He better not be talking to Jonny,_ Thom thought.

“I see the way he looks at me, Ed! Remember the time we all went to the movies together? He kept touching me... It was subtle, but every time one of us pulled away he kept going back. When I first walked on that stage I could see it in his face. Granted that was probably ‘cos he was star struck by me... But what about the kiss? He wanted more.” _Jonny._

Thom reminisced on the night they kissed and his palms were beginning to get sweaty. He did want more. The way their lips seemed to fit perfectly together and how Jonny felt under his hands. He wanted that feeling again. But he had Lucille and kissing her was just as fun.

He heard Ed speak up, “But you pushed yourself on him, Jonny.”

“I did not! Everything was so natural... It’s like we’re being pushed to be with each other but Thom can’t seem to get a handle of it,”

Jonny was right. The order of events that happened that night were just as natural as the rain falling down outside.

He heard Ed and Jonny babbling on about how much Thom needed time. But did he? Thom pondered on that for a moment before he heard Jonny speak, “I love him, Ed, but I can’t wait.” Thom felt a lump rise in his throat.

“Okay, whatever,” he heard Ed get up from his seat and Thom ran down the hall to get his paper.

~~~~~~~~

Practice that day seemed to go on forever for Thom. Hugh stopped them every few bars to correct the tiniest mistakes. The whole day was focused on only a few songs and Thom was bored to death by the end of it. He was going to go out with Ed, Phil and Lucille for some drinks and he was excited as fuck.

After practice, they all met up outside and Ed grabbed Thom in a tight embrace. “What’s up, mate?” Thom asked.

“Nothing. Can’t I hug my best friend?” Ed looked at him and smiled.

“Of course you can,” Thom paused. “Have any interesting conversations today? With anyone in particular?”

Ed shook his head, “No, why?”

“You sure?”

Ed made a face like he realized something, “Listen, Thom… I’m here to protect you. I don’t—”

“No, Ed. I don’t need your protection,” Thom stated.

Ed nodded and leaned into him and whispered, “Do you love him, Thommy?”

Thom began to speak when he got interrupted by a guy banging on some drums. He looked at Phil, who was gazing across the street at a guy banging on some drums. Phil wanted to be a drummer before he pursued orchestral instruments. “Miss them, buddy?” Thom laughed.

“Nah, I still play my kit at home... That guy is wicked good though,” Phil acknowledged.

“We should go over and tip him,” Lucille suggested.

They all agreed and Ed took his big hand in Thom’s small one as they walked. Lucille grabbed his other. Thom pulled his hand away from Ed’s causing Ed to pout.

They stopped and watch the drummer bang away on his drums. Thom bopped his head to the beat that somehow also was a melody as well as a rhythm. _Only the truly talented could do this kind of shit,_ Thom thought. Phil tipped him and earned a nod from the street performer after he finished. “You’re really good,” Thom said as the drummer took a swig of water.

“Thanks, Thom, You’re really good too! I’ve seen you perform before, so crazy... I’m a big fan of what you do,” The drummer said out of breath.

_He knows me?! No way!_ Thom had done solo shows before he joined the orchestra and had even done street performances around Oxford, but never in a million years did he think someone might recognize him. That earned a nudge and a huge smile from Ed and Lucille giggled and kissed his cheek.

“You know who I am?” Thom’s voice was shaky and stunned.

“Yeah! I’ve seen you perform with the LCO. I’m always stunned at how you play, you seem to curl up in the music and you make your home in there. I always try to play like that.”

“Wow,” Thom paused taking it all in, “That-That’s a huge honor thank you.”

“Of course! It’s crazy actually meeting you... You’re really cute.”

Thom blushed, “Well, thanks.”

The drummer bit his lip and kept his eyes locked on the tiny man, “Yeah.”

“Well, we should really go. It’s lovely meeting you!” Lucille smiled sweetly and pulled Thom along while the other guys followed shortly behind.

The four of them went a local bar not too far from Thom’s house. It was Thom’s favorite and the other guys loved him so much that they couldn’t deny him. They drank and talked and drank more and talked more. Thom, by his third glass, was a bit drunk. He was giggling at himself.

“What?” Ed laughed.

“Just—” Thom laughed, “Remember the last time I got this drunk we had a night of crazy blowjobs.”

Ed blushed and Phil burst out laughing, while Lucille stopped and stared down at her drink in shock at what her ears had just heard.

“Let’s not bring this up,” Ed spoke.

Phil got all serious for a moment, “Wait, he’s not joking?”

“Of course not, Philip. Why would I joke about this sort of thing?” Thom smirked.

Phil started laughing again while Lucille punched his arm, “I’m sorry, I just… You and Ed? That’s crazy? Isn’t that funny?”

“No,” Lucille stated firmly.

“Can we stop talking about this?!” Ed yelled.

“No, because Thom literally just outed himself as a fucking cheater,” Lucille was pissed.

“It was nothing, darling, plus it was after that fight we had,” Thom rubbed her shoulder.

“No. First you kiss Jonny and then you give Ed a blowjob? How come my instinct is telling me this isn’t just ‘nothing’?”

Phil interrupted, “Wait, you kissed Jonny?”

“Yeah,” Thom smiled, “It was great.”

“See, Thom! This isn’t just ‘nothing!’” Lucille yelled, “What are you?!”

Thom tried to think for a moment. He still didn’t know.

“Just forget it. You obviously don’t care,” Lucille spoke in an angry tone as she grabbed her purse and walked out.

Thom sat there for a moment. A part of him wanted to chase her but the other part of him didn’t care enough.

“Ouch man. That hurts,” Phil comforted.

Thom just shrugged, “I don’t know... I’m fine with it.”

Phil nodded and Ed looked at him, “You sure?”

Thom smiled at his glass and nodded, “I’m fine.”

The two of them nodded and decided to leave it. Thom’s judgement was clouded so much at this moment but he still didn’t care. He wanted Jonny and no one else.

~~~~~~~

Jonny spent his night watching shitty romance movies on television. He was chest deep in beer bottles and paper plates from the drunk food he made. He was drunk and depressed. Anytime a couple was on the screen eating each other’s faces off, tears unconsciously fell from his eyes. He was tired from waiting. So, he drunkenly called Colin.

“What do ya want, Jon Jon?” Colin asked on the other line.

Jonny cried, “I’m so drunk, Colin… And I’m lonely.”

“What happened now?”

“Nothing! I’m just- I’m so in love.”

“I know you are,” Colin’s voice was soft and comforting. It made Jonny cry even more.

“Why him? Why Thom? Why me?”

“I don’t know, Jonny…” Colin was pretty exhausted from all of this.

Jonny rubbed his fingers on his temple and sighed. He was tired from all of this too. When would it end for him?

“Hey, Jonny, hold on… Someone’s on the other line.”

Jonny waited as his brother took another phone call. His mind trailed off and went a happy place. Thom and him were together and happily and hopelessly in love with each other. That was world Jonny needed to be in. But he was stuck in the shitty place that is real life.

Colin came back on the line, “Sorry, that was Ed.” He could hear Colin giggling. Jonny smiled slightly. One day he could be in love like that.

“You two are so cute, you know that?” Jonny giggled.

“Yeah,” He could hear Colin smile.

Jonny was interrupted by a knock at his door. He hoped it wasn’t someone he could embarrass himself in front of. “I’ll call you back, Coz, someone is at the door,” He stated.

“Okay,” he giggled, “bye.” With that, Colin hung up.

Jonny tried so hard to stand up without collapsing. _I am really, really drunk,_ he thought to himself. He stumbled slightly to the door and opened it. His brown eyes locked with bright blue eyes. _Of course. It had to just be Thom,_ Jonny cursed to himself.

“W-What do you want, Thom?” Jonny was trying not slur.

“I’m drunk so my judgement isn’t the best but god, Jonny... I like you- No. No, I love you. I love you so much. I can’t stop thinking about you, and how good you felt beneath my hands when we kissed. O-Or how it felt when I touched you at the movie, or how you would feel sucking me off... Or how your skin would feel against mine. The way your lips would feel when they would kiss my skin. O—”

“Thom, shut up. Okay, you’re drunk, you don’t know what you’re saying.” Jonny wanted to jump at the opportunity that Thom was suggesting (and so did his dick), but it was best for the both of them. They were both drunk as fuck.

“No, Jonny. I want you! An-And I’m not leaving until I have you,” Thom insisted.

“Thom…”

“Please, Jonny... I know you want this.”

“How did you get here?” Jonny was a bit curious and wondering if Thom was a stalker or something.

“I had Ed ask Colin and I begged Ed to take me here. And now, whether you like it or not, I have to stay.”

“Why?”

“Just please, Jonny. Just kiss me and I’ll leave you alone.”

Jonny couldn’t pass that up, so he grabbed Thom’s face in his hands and kissed him lightly. Thom’s hands went immediately to his back while his fingers gripped to his shirt. They were both drunk but this kiss was more intoxicating than any drink they had that night. Jonny savored the moment even if he wouldn’t remember it in the morning. The way Thom’s lips moved with his drove him mad.

Jonny pulled back and looked at him breathless. Thom’s fingers ran over the stubbly skin on his jaw. He watched as Thom analyzed his face.

“In all my life, I’ve never seen a face as perfect as yours,” Thom whispered.

Jonny giggled softly and ran his thumb over Thom’s soft cheek, “Same.”

He blushed, “My face is definitely not perfect.”

“It is, Thom... It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful,” Jonny complimented.

Thom blushed and grinned, “So are you.”

“I know.”

They both chuckled softly. Jonny, in all his years of living, has he ever felt this way before. His heart was beating faster than the speed of light. His stomach was in knots. His breath was taken away. How drunk he was didn’t matter anymore. All the drinks in the world can’t match up to what had just happened. Thom was actually standing at his door. They actually kissed! Jonny could’ve sworn this was all a dream. It had to be. Someone needs to pinch him right now.

~~~~~~~

Thom was still admiring the features of the man standing in front of him. That night’s events seemed to have unfolded so fast and it made Thom dizzy. But that didn’t matter right then. He kissed Jonny again and it was the best feeling in world. Sure, he was a bit drunk but he knew he wanted this.

“Kiss me again,” Thom suggested softly.

Jonny pulled him inside his apartment and leaned him against the door frame. Thom was excited to feel Jonny’s lips on his again. Their lips locked in a deep, sensual kiss. Thom took in his scent and how soft Jonny’s hair was under his fingertips. Jonny’s hands were roaming all over Thom’s small frame. It was like he was trying to pick out every curve and imperfection in Thom’s skin.

Thom let out a soft moan and Jonny planted soft kisses on his jawline. Thom is already going mad and it hasn’t even been ten minutes. Jonny’s fingers made their way up Thom’s shirt and Thom shivered softly at his touch. His lips made their way down onto Thom’s neck sucking and nibbling. Moans fell from Thom’s lips and Jonny smiled against his skin. He pulled up Jonny’s shirt slightly and felt his soft skin.

There was a craving inside of Thom. He wanted to devour Jonny and from how aggressively Jonny was sucking his skin, he could tell he felt the same way. They both needed each other right now.

“J-Jonny?” Thom stuttered.

Jonny pulled back from him and looked at him, “Yes, Thom?”

“Never mind,” he spoke softly.

“No, what?”

“Nothing, I was just… Never mind.”

“Okay,” Jonny whispered against his lips and Thom was crazy.

Thom raised his arms as Jonny’s hands wrapped around the fabric of Thom’s shirt and removed it from his skin. Thom was a bit shy from showing himself, but Jonny just kept kissing and kissing and kissing,

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered against Thom’s chest.

Thom let out a sigh and leaned his head against the door. Jonny got down on his knees and kissed the skin above Thom’s pants. _This is actually going to happen. Holy shit,_ Thom thought. His eyes gazed at Jonny’s ceiling. Jonny stopped and Thom’s eyes shot down at him, “W-Why did you stop?”

Jonny giggled and stood up, “We should get a room.”

Thom let out a deep breath and calmed his nerves. Jonny’s hand wrapped around Thom’s and he led him to his room. He pushed Thom gently on his bed and continued his attack on his body. His skin was covered in pink and light purple spots. Thom loved it. He felt good about each one because it was a sign that he was Jonny’s. He was all Jonny’s.

With Jonny’s eyes firmly locked on his, he peeled his shirt off. Thom’s fingers subconsciously traced his skin. _He is so fit,_ Thom thought. Jonny planted a quick kiss on his mouth and Thom smiled at him. “You’re really hot.”

Jonny laughed softly and whispered, “So are you.”

Thom was going mad. He was trying not to psych himself out. All the times he’s fucked a girl or even sucking off Ed, didn’t prepare him for this. This was different. Jonny and him were going to do each other and somehow solidify all their feelings that they’ve felt for each other. It scared Thom but he was ready for this. He needed Jonny.

He watched as Jonny removed Thom’s pants. Once his pants were thrown on the floor Thom let out a deep breath, “Jonny?”

“Yes, Thom?” Jonny whispered as his lips continued to make contact with his skin.

“I’m scared. I’m trying not to scare myself ‘cos I want this. Like, I want you. I’ve always wanted you. But like, I’ve never felt like this before about someone, and I don’t want to fuck this up. I don’t want you to come out of this hating me ‘cos I did a bad job. I—”

Jonny interrupted his rambling by kissing him, “Thom, dear?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

“But I—”

“There’s nothing to be scared about, I won’t hate you,” Jonny gave him an encouraging smile, “I’ll take good care of you. I promise.”

Thom nodded and started to unbutton Jonny’s pants. Jonny helped him out and eventually his pants were also on the floor with most of their clothes. Thom kissed his shoulder and ran his fingers up and down his back. He smiled at the sighs escaping Jonny’s mouth. His lips trailed down his arms with goosebumps forming on the skin below them.

Thom wanted to kiss him all over. He wanted to explore everything he didn’t know about Jonny. All his imperfections, every other freckle, and every single curve, he wanted to discover. He shut his eyes and pictured it. He was jumping everywhere, running through the fields of grass and trees, watching as butterflies fluttered past him. This whole feeling was new and Thom was just as excited to watch the scenery unfold.

Jonny helped him remove his pants and Thom once again began kissing his skin earning soft giggles from Jonny. A smile made his way onto Thom’s face. All the nerves seemed to float away right now. Right now, Thom was going to make love with Jonny and the thought excited him more as they went along.

Before they both knew it, they were both naked and Thom’s back was laying on Jonny’s soft sheets. Jonny was leaning over the nightstand as he searched for lube and a condom. Thom was a bit nervous going into uncharted territory but he kept reminding himself that Jonny was going to take care him.

As Jonny pulled out the utensils, Thom stopped him, “I-I’m nervous.”

Thom took note at how much Jonny loved kissing him when he was nervous. Jonny whispered, “You’ll be alright, I promise. If you’re uncomfortable, or I hurt you in any way, just tell me... This is for both me and you.”

Thom nodded, “I just… Never mind.”

“No, tell me, Thom.”

“I’ve never actually fucked a guy before. Like… This is really weird, but like, Ed and I gave each other blowjobs. We were both drunk, and it happened and it was great but like, I’ve never actually had a guy literally inside me and I’m nervous,” Thom put his hands over his face.

Jonny buried his head in Thom’s shoulder laughing, “You ramble so much when you’re nervous.”

Thom smiled at the feeling of having Jonny’s head in his neck, “Yeah… I don’t know when it really began. I’ve always done it, I guess. Li—”

“Thom, dear… Shut up, you’ll be alright,” Jonny gleamed at him.

“Okay. Okay. I’ll shut up now,” Thom grinned back.

With that, Jonny flipped Thom over and made him get all on fours. This is when Thom suddenly realized what was going to actually happen and his nerves were going crazy. “Tell me if I’m hurting you, okay, Thom?”

Thom nodded and suddenly felt Jonny stick a finger inside him and Thom bent his head down and gripped Jonny’s sheets.

“Are you okay, Thom? You doing okay?” Jonny asked planting a kiss on his back.

Thom nodded aggressively and moaned with each thrust of Jonny’s fingers. This was a completely different feeling and Thom was enjoying every moment of it. Well, not all the way but he talked down his nerves enough. Jonny inserted another finger and Thom gasped loudly. Jonny was kissing down Thom’s spine sucking and nibbling here and there creating more pink and purple marks all while Thom was a bit of euphoria right now. This feeling was overwhelming he could collapse onto Jonny’s bed.

“I-I want all of you Jonny,” Thom exhaled.

Jonny pulled his fingers out and pushed Thom on his back. As Jonny ripped open the condom wrapper, Thom was freaking out again. “Thom, you’re alright, I promise,” Jonny spoke in his reassuring tone, “I promise.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s scary, I know. But I’m here and I won’t hurt you, at least not purposefully. If you want to stop, we’ll stop, okay?”

“No, no, no, no, I don’t want to. I want this. I want you,” Thom said.

They both smiled and shared a kiss for a moment. Butterflies in Thom’s tummy were going crazy. _This is happening. You’re here and it’s happening,_ he thought.

Jonny grabbed Thom’s legs and wrapped them around his shoulders and inserted his tip inside him.

“Oh fuck!” Thom cried out. The new sensation was overpowering and Thom felt weak. It was a good weak.

“Feeling okay?” Jonny softly questioned as he planted a kiss on Thom’s jawline.

Thom nodded and moaned as Jonny slowly, but surely, inserted himself inside of him. He thrusted slowly at first, making sure not to hurt and overwhelm Thom but eventually picking up pace as Thom acknowledged him. Jonny’s hand wrapped around Thom’s member and moved along with each of his thrusts. Their moans filled the night air and Thom admired the silhouette of Jonny above him.

He was so in love. All the time of denying, it was worthless because he was in love. And he knew Jonny felt the same way. His whispers about how beautiful Thom was and the way he was making him feel less nervous. He knew Jonny wanted him as much as he wanted Jonny.

“Your moans are the sexiest thing I’ve heard,” Jonny whispered as he kissed all over Thom’s face.

Thom couldn’t form words right now. All he could do is whimper and moan with each thrust.

“Are you doing okay?” Jonny would ask every few seconds and all Thom could was just nod. He was doing more than okay. He was doing great.

Time seemed to go along so slowly between the two of them. They were conjoining their souls and solidifying everything they never said to each other. It was only a few weeks that they had known each other but both of them needed this.

“J-Jonny?” Thom stuttered.

“Yes Thom?” Jonny exhaled.

“I-I think…mmmm… I think I’m close,” Thom moaned.

“Same.”

Jonny laid his head on Thom’s chest, practically screaming with pleasure. Thom was the same, but also hearing Jonny so filled with it rubbed off on him. They both released and Jonny pulled out of Thom.

His legs felt so weak. Well, his whole body felt weak. _That just happened,_ he thought. It seemed to repeat inside his head like a broken record.

His eyes gazed on Jonny who collapsed beside him. Jonny’s eyes gazed on the ceiling, “Wow, Thom. Wow!” He was just as breathless as Thom was.

“Yeah,” Thom giggled.

Jonny turned his head to look at him and smiled, “The absolute best time of my life.”

A big smile formed as Thom cuddled up to Jonny. He was warm. Thom felt at home right there. Jonny loved him like no one had ever done before. He was accepted by him so much. Sure, he had friends who supported him and loved him. But this was different. Everything about Jonny was different. Thom’s feelings were different for him.

“Thom?” Jonny filled the silence between them as Thom drew with his finger on Jonny’s skin.

“Yeah, Jonny?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note to say all my thanks for reading! Only a few more chapters to go!!  
> Enjoy! :D

Chapter 10

That morning, Thom woke up with a massive hangover and suddenly realized the events that happened the night before. Although, it didn’t hit him as hard as realizing he needed to go to work that day, with Jonny. He could hear Jonny in the shower and he thought of ways to escape from this. It was still new to him and he didn’t know what or how to feel yet.  He decided to shove that voice inside him away and just laid in Jonny’s bed, taking in his scent. He closed his eyes and buried himself in his warmth still lingering.

Jonny nudged his shoulder, “Thom, we have to get up and get ready for work.”

“But I want to stay here for a little while longer,” Thom pouted.

“Me too Thom.”

“Then stay,” Thom buried his face in Jonny’s pillow.

“You are so cute. But Thom we really need to go,” Jonny rubbed Thom’s arm causing Thom to get goosebumps.

“I don’t want to leave yet.”

Jonny climbed on top of Thom and kissed his shoulder making Thom giggle. He planted kisses all over Thom’s back. Thom squirmed under the feeling of Jonny’s lips. It was a nice feeling being with Jonny and Thom didn’t want it to go away. Why couldn’t they just stay home today? Jonny laid his head on Thom’s back and let out a sigh. Thom knew he felt the same as he did.

They laid like that for a moment before Jonny spoke up, “We really should get ready to go now.”

Thom reluctantly gave up, “Fine.”

He went and took a shower with Jonny’s permission. In there, Thom began to reevaluate his life in hopes of finding answers in him. None. He’s never had crushes on boys before. _Why was Jonny different then? What about him drew me in?_ He pondered those questions, _Maybe it was his charm… He’s got a lot of that. Any man would get on his knees for him if he simply just looked at him… Or maybe it was mystique, he’s also got a lot of that…. God, he’s just so handsome._ After a while he thought, _What does he see in me then? What do I have that other guys don’t?_

After not coming up with any answers, he shut off the water, dried off and got dressed quickly. Jonny was downstairs feeding his dog. Thom admired Jonny a bit. Jonny smirked a bit at him like he was realizing what he was doing. The taller man walked up to Thom and wrapped his arms around him, kissing him softly. It was still new to Thom, but it felt good.

“Ready to go?” Jonny asked.

Thom got his shoes on and nodded at him. Jonny grabbed his hand and they walked to work. Thom pulled his hand away once they were in view of people, almost ignoring Jonny’s presence all together, thinking any interaction might come off as too strong.

“You okay, Thom?” Jonny asked while they got on the train.

“’m fine,” Thom quickly said.

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

Jonny nodded and sat down next to him.

~~~~~~~

Jonny got to work pretty confused with the sudden change in Thom. One minute, he was kissing him and the next he was pulling away again. Jonny was frustrated already, but the logical side of him was saying that he needed time and he tried to grasp that. This was new for Thom and he needed time to be free.

He leaned into Thom and whispered, “I know it’s scary, but you’ll get used to it, I promise. Take all the time you need, okay?”

Thom looked up at him and smiled a little bit, nodding.

Jonny wrapped his arm around Thom’s shoulder and picked out the pink marks peeking out from under his shirt. He did that. _They_ did that. Jonny was still in a haze, mostly from the hangover though. He wouldn’t know how he would explain to Hugh why he and Thom looked like they were just out getting high.

“Jonny?”

“Yes, Thom?”

“We look like trash,” Thom chuckled.

“Yeah, I know. What do we do?” Jonny panicked a bit.

“I’ll think of something,” Thom spoke.

Jonny took his word and nodded. He knew Thom was a quick thinker and he was quite witty too. It was just one of the few things that drew Jonny in. Thom’s brows furrowed in concentration and Jonny admired him.

They both arrived at the stop and Jonny led him to the hall. As they reached there, Jonny paused and Thom stopped and looked at him, “What’s up?”

“Promise me after everything is over, you’ll stay,” Jonny almost begged.

Thom looked at him and took a few steps closer to him so he could feel his warmth, “Of course I will. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before… You’re different, Jonny,” he began to whisper, “and I love you.”

He was a little upset about how Thom was afraid to say he loved him out loud, so he just nodded and walked in with Thom following shortly behind.

Hugh greeted them, “What happened here?”

Thom quickly spoke up, “Well, we met after work and had a few drinks... ‘s all.”

Hugh nodded, “So explain the, uh,” he pointed to his neck while looking at Jonny.

Jonny and Thom both blushed and giggled. Hugh was an intelligent man and put two and two together quite quickly.

“Just please keep your hands to yourself during practice.”

They both laughed.

After they calmed down, Jonny made his way to his office to work on the piece he was writing and Thom followed him closely, to his delight. While Jonny sat there for the next hour or so, Thom and him made small talk. Questions ranging from their favorite color to what they feel like their purpose of life is came up. Jonny held onto every word Thom spoke and stored that information away for later.

“Jonny?” Thom asked after a brief moment of silence.

Jonny looked up from his paper, “Yeah?”

“I mean, I thought about it a lot and all, but I still can’t understand, why me? What about me is so intriguing to you?”

Jonny bit his lip and thought about the question for a while. He tried to come up with a simple answer but there wasn’t one. Thom was just a complex person and he loved that. “I don’t know, Thom. There’s too much that I just can’t talk about right now… Practice is going to start soon,” Jonny sighed.

“They can wait,” Thom blurted.

Jonny let out a small giggle, “Okay. Well, for starters, you’re really cute when you’re nervous… You babble a lot and I find it so amusing. I love hearing you speak, Thom. Also your playing is amazing, I still can’t wrap my head around how good you are. The moment you hit the keys everyone just stares in awe of you. I’m sure when you auditioned it was like that, I’m sure the moderators were talking about you so much afterwards. You have more talent than people can give you credit for, It’s otherworldly... And not to mention you’re very cute. I love admiring you and so do other people. You walk in a room and people are instantly drawn to you. You may not think it Thom, but you’re so charismatic. God, Thom, I could go on,” Jonny trailed off.

“Please do. I crave validation.”

They both laughed.

After a bit Jonny just grabbed Thom’s hand and kissed it lightly, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Jonny.”

Jonny’s cheeks turned red and he smiled at Thom. This still wasn’t real to him.

~~~~~~~

Practice went along slowly like the day before, almost boring Thom to tears. Some of the songs they were rehearsing, he wasn’t even playing. So, he sat there fiddling with his fingers and daydreaming about the night before most of the time.

He glanced over at Lucille, who had been ignoring him. Sure, she had a reasonable cause as to why, but it still kind of hurt. He fucked up but he really didn't regret it because he had Jonny now. So, he made plans to apologize to her after practice.

“So, Thom and Jonny then, you’ll come in with your solo together. So, you two can begin whenever you’re ready,” Hugh said interrupting Thom’s thoughts.

He looked over at Jonny who was staring at him. Thom smiled got ready to play. Suddenly, the feeling that everything was real hit Thom and he felt sick. He was going to have to perform this in front of thousands of people. Just him and Jonny. Jonny began counting but Thom pulled back.

Jonny looked at him, “Are you okay, Thom?” He had a concerned look on his face.

“I’m really nervous… Like, I don’t want to fuck it up you know? Like, I know mistakes are inevitable and we’re bound to mess up. But…” he sighed, “I don’t want to like, make you or myself look like a fool. I mean, I’ve been nervous about a performance before but, this is different. It’s bigger than any performance I’ve done in my life. Like, my family is going to be in the crowd, and this is the first time they’ve been to one of my performances since I joined the LCO. I don’t want to disappoint them.”

Jonny nodded, “I know it’s scary. But trust me, you won’t let anyone down. You’ll do great and no matter what happens I’m going to be proud of you and your family is going to be proud of you.”

Thom grinned at him and Jonny returned the smile. Thom went to speak but shut his mouth.

“You wanted to say something?” Jonny acknowledged.

“No, no. Let’s play.”

So they did and it was beautiful. It the best round that they’ve played so far. Thom realized he had nothing to worry about. It was so typical of him though, to get nervous about that stuff. After they finished, Jonny looked at him and winked, causing Thom to blush. _God,_ he thought.

~~~~~~~

After work, Jonny decided to call his brother to tell him the good news with Thom because there was no way he could wait until the weekend.

“Hey, Jonny. It’s been forever since we last talked,” Colin answered with a sarcastic tone.

“Shut up, I have good news!” Jonny exclaimed.

“You and Thom are together. And you guys totally had sex,” Colin took the words out of Jonny’s mouth.

“How did you know?” Jonny asked.

“I’m dating his best friend, Jonathan. Plus, he called me last night asking for your address so he could bring Thom there because he wanted to tell you that he loved you and all. And then Thom told Ed that you and him had sex. So…”

“Man, this whole thing has been getting less climactic since you started dating Ed,” Jonny giggled.

“It’s not my fault, Ed was the one who asked _me_ out. So blame him,” Colin defended himself while laughing.

Jonny took a moment before he spoke again, “But I think he’s afraid of being seen with me.”

“What makes you say that Jon Jon?” Colin asked.

“Well, on our way to work he pulled his hand away from mine as soon as we stepped outside. And he was scared to say ‘I love you’ out loud. I know he needs time to like, get used to this sort of thing—”

“Exactly, Jonny. He’s not going to be like, instantly changed because of you. He needs time to get used to being gay or bi or whatever. And then he needs to get comfortable with that identity,” Colin logically stated.

“I know…”

“I mean, at least he finally admits it.”

“Yeah. You’re right!” Jonny exclaimed optimistically.

“Well, I should go… I’m in the middle of packing and I still don’t know what to pack for Ed’s date,” Colin sounded exasperated.

“I’m sure he doesn’t care what you wear, I’m sure you guys will still bang afterwards,” Jonny laughed.

“So are you saying I need to go for casual but with a hint of I-can-suck-your-dick-really-well?”

“Oh my god, Cozzie!”

“I’m being real here! What’s Ed’s type?”

“I don’t know! I’ve never seen him date anyone except you, so he has to be into the intelligent types,” Jonny said.

“Hmmm…” Colin paused to think, “So maybe I should go for more of a sexy librarian then?”

Jonny put his head in his hands, “I cannot believe I’m helping my brother get laid.”

“Hey! You are the one who brought up the fact that I could have sex with him,” Colin retaliated.

“I’m serious, Cozzie… He won’t care what you wear. If he really loves you, then he won’t give a shit about your clothes,” Jonny explained, “Or I might have to have a talk if he thinks so otherwise.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“But I would totally go with sexy librarian,” Jonny gave in.

“You think?”

“Yeah, he’ll love it!”

“Okay, I will then… Bye, Jon Jon! Love you!” Colin yelled over the line.

“Bye, Cozzie. Love you too,” Jonny said and then hung up his phone.

~~~~~~~

After practice, Thom called Lucille to meet up and apologize to her. Luckily, she agreed to do so and Thom was relieved. Although he was bit nervous over the fact that she might have a grudge against him, he would understand if she decided to never talk to him again.

He walked to a bakery near her house because he felt it was fair to travel all the way there to compromise. During the train ride, he tried to think of a way to apologize, but couldn’t find the words. He decided he would just wing it and hope for the best.

As he made his way in, he noticed Lucille sitting at a table. He made his way over and sat down.

She looked up from her tea, “What do you want, Thom?” Her voice seemed stern which terrified Thom.

“I just want to apologize… I was an idiot but… I mean, I love Jonny but I never meant to hurt you and I’m sorry,” Thom spoke quietly.

“It's fine, Thom,” She smiled at him causing Thom to be taken aback. He was expecting the worse.

“You mean it?”

“Of course. I mean, I knew you kind of had a thing for Jonny and I’m happy for you two. I mean, you guys seem like a cute couple,” Lucille spoke happily.

Thom was blushing, “I really do adore him.”

“I can see he feels the same.”

“So you’re not mad?” Thom changed the subject to avoid making her jealous in case she still had feelings.

“No. I mean, I’m disappointed but I’ll get over it eventually,” Lucile grinned and Thom returned the smile.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” She asked.

“Not being mad at me… I was so scared you’d hate me,” He explained.

“I could never hate you, Thommy! Seriously, name one person who hates you. I mean you are so lovable,” She giggled as she ruffled his hair.

Thom giggled and fixed his hair, “Yeah, you’re right.”

“I love you, Thom,” She stated.

“I love you too, Lucille, and I always will. As a friend of course,” Thom smiled.

“Of course!”

The two of them spent a few hours talking about life and the performance. She talked about how her mom was seeing her play for the first time and how Thom was going to kill his solo with Jonny. Thom realized how much his friendship with her meant more than their relationship. He was glad that she decided to forgive him and they could move on.

When Thom got back home, Ed was waiting outside his door, scrolling through his phone.

“Hey,” Thom greeted.

“Oh, hey,” Ed put his phone away and looked at him.

“What are you doing here?” Thom asked. It wasn't unusual for Ed to come over but this time, it was strange. Usually, he told Thom when he would but he simply showed up uninvited.

“Just wanted to spend time with my best friend,” Ed simply explained and then paused, “Where were you?”

“Just hanging with Lucille. I wanted to apologize to her.”

They made their way inside his apartment and Ed looked at him, “How did that go?”

“It went great. She was a little disappointed but she’s happy for me,” Thom smiled.

“That’s great, Thommy!” Ed embraced him and Thom giggled.

Thom got serious, “Seriously though, Ed, you never show up uninvited like this, what do you want?”

“Well, I mean, you’ve been up and personal with a Greenwood and I need your help because I’m taking Colin out when he comes for the big performance and I want to impress him. I mean, the date is pretty impressive but I also want to like, not look like I don’t care about myself,” Ed explained rather quickly.

“Listen, if Colin is anything like Jonny he finds you attractive no matter what. Plus Colin seems like he's totally laidback, and is happy no matter what kind of guy. You’ll be alright,” Thom was not used to giving relationship advice to his older friend.

“What look should I go for?”

“I can’t believe I’m asking this but, who’s the top?” They both laughed at Thom’s question.

Ed, in the middle of the giggles, exclaimed, “I don’t know, Thommy! We’ve never gotten that far!”

“Well, Edberto, if our time together is any consolation, you’re definitely one to assert dominance. I would go for a look of, I-am-dominant-as-fuck-and-I-have-a-big-dick.”

“What does that even look like?!” Ed was cackling.

Thom shrugged and giggled.

“You are something else, Thom.”

“I know,” Thom smiled, “But honestly, I’m sure he won’t care... Just go for something nice and professional looking. But like, also show that you like to have fun. Then you guys will probably bang afterwards anyway.”

“I don’t know about that,” Ed smiled.

“Oh. Well, I’d still go for something nice and professional and fun looking. Like, maybe go for a simple t-shirt and then a suit jacket and nice pants. That would definitely look nice on you.”

“Thanks, Thommy,” Ed said as they hugged.

“You’re welcome, Edwin.”

While they were on the couch hugging, there was a knock at the door. Thom got up to answer it and there stood Jonny.

“Hey, Jonny! Come in,” Thom opened the door wider so Jonny could step in.

“Jonny, just the man I needed to see! I need your help,” Ed quickly stood up.

“About what, Ed?” Jonny asked.

“So, I’m taking your brother out and I need your help on what to wear,” Ed giggled.

Thom laid his face in his hands. Ed was desperate sometimes.

“He’s a laidback kind of guy, so he won’t care. But, go for something hot,” Jonny said.

“Great, thanks,” Ed smiled.

“You’re welcome,” Jonny paused and grinned, “Eduardo.”

Thom and Jonny both started laughing, while Ed slapped Thom in the arm.

“You got him on this too?”

“I guess,” Thom cackled.

After they all calmed down, they sat on Thom’s couch watching a movie and drinking a bit. Thom was over-the-moon happy about how life somehow worked out. Life was just about to get better, because it was only a matter of days until their performance. The excitement was almost killing Thom, but there was also sadness that would have to come. All the preparation and stuff that had happened over the past few weeks would go away and Thom would go back to living a normal life, just with someone new in it. Maybe, he would move on to better things… Whatever was going to happen, those past few weeks would be ones he’d remember forever.

~~~~~~~~~~


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

It was Friday. The second to last practice before the big performance. Colin was coming to go on Ed’s date and (hopefully) spend time with Jonny. Jonny wasn’t planning anything though, just in case he wanted to spend all his time with Ed, which could be likely because he knew Ed and him needed to spend time and get to know each other. Plus, him and Thom would keep themselves occupied if need be. 

After practice, Jonny approached Thom, who was putting his pieces in the order they were going to be played at the performance. 

“Hey, Thom?” Jonny sat on his bench beside his boyfriend.

Thom looked at him, “Yes?”

“Want to go on a date? But not necessarily a date, because you could come over or something and we could watch a movie and make out or something,” Jonny giggled.

“I like the sound of that,” Thom smiled crookedly and Jonny melted. He loved his smile so much.

“Great. You can come over around eight. I have to pick up my brother from the station and take him to meet Ed,” Jonny explained.

“Okay. Sounds great,” Thom leaned in so their lips were barely touching, “Can’t wait.” 

Jonny was like goo in the middle of Thom’s hand, “Great.”

Thom kissed him quickly and went back to putting papers in the correct order. Jonny sat for a moment and admired him. He was smitten harder than he has ever before. No one had ever made him feel this way.

Thom finished and stood up, “See you later then.” 

Jonny looked up at him, “Yeah. Can’t wait to see you.”

“Same. I love you, Jonny.”

Jonny smiled at the fact that Thom didn’t seem as afraid to say something like that him. He still seemed quiet and reserved about it, but Thom had good friends who cared for him and didn’t judge him, and he seemed to grow more every day because of them.

“I love you too, Thom,” Jonny grinned.

Thom began to walk off to go home but stopped, “Jonny?”

“Yeah?”

“Never mind... Bye,” Thom rushed off leaving Jonny curious on what he was about to say.

Jonny went to station after he practiced a bit more. While he was waiting, he thought about Thom. It had only been a few hours away from him but he was so excited to see Thom… He had such a warming presence, making everyone feel accepted and appreciated, although there were times these past few weeks when he was hostile against Jonny. But at the moment, Thom was all his and he was going to spend all evening with him alone.

Jonny noticed Colin walking off the train and he greeted him with a hug. 

“Hey, Jon Jon. Nice to see you,” Colin greeted.

“It’s always nice to see you, Coz,” Jonny let go and looked at Colin’s outfit choice. It was a nice plaid shirt with some nice pants, “Looking great, Cozzie! Ed will love it.”

“You sure?” Colin asked.

“Yes, it looks great,” Jonny complimented.

“Great! Well, we should go... I have to meet Ed soon.”

Jonny helped Colin with his bag and drove him to Ed’s meeting place. They talked about a bunch of things from the train ride to Colin’s recent literature finds. Most recently he’s been invested in a novel called  _ Bullet Park _ . He tried to tell Jonny all about it but Jonny cautiously reminded him that he might read it too and he shouldn’t spoil it.  

When they got there, Jonny looked at him, “Have fun. Also don’t feel too rushed... You know, especially if you guys end up going to his house or something.”

“I will. Thanks, Jonathan,” Colin said as he stepped out of Jonny’s car, “Bye, Jonny!” 

“Bye!” Jonny yelled as Colin shut the door. 

Jonny drove off and rushed home after noticing the time. It was ten minutes past eight and he felt bad if Thom was waiting for him. He hoped that Thom would be late so he didn’t have to wait. He quickly got out of his car and ran to his apartment where Thom was sitting outside his door and Jonny was hit with guilt.

“I am sooo sorry, I had to pick my brother up from the station and traffic was awful on the way to the restaurant. I also lost track of time,” Jonny was flustered.

Thom just shrugged and smiled, “It’s alright, I understand.”

“How long have you been waiting?” Jonny asked.

“Um… About 20 minutes. I was so excited to spend time with you so I came early,” Thom blushed.

Jonny kissed him, “I was waiting for this all evening.”

Jonny unlocked his door and pulled Thom inside with him.

“So, a movie?” Jonny asked. Thom just nodded and plopped down on his couch.

He flipped through his array of movies while Thom would make fun of his choice of movies. Some of them were quite cheesy, he had to admit. He also got free copies of the movies he did soundtracks for and Thom immediately perked up when he mentioned  _ Norwegian Wood.  _

“Yes! That one! It’s my favorite out of everything you’ve done, I remember listening to the soundtrack for ages. I would lock myself in my room and play it on repeat and I still sort of do that sometimes, but I really do love it. The stuff you did for  _ There Will Be Blood  _ is a super close second. This soundtrack was the reason you’re my hero, though,” Thom explained.

Jonny giggled at his ramblings and compliments, “I guess we’ll watch it?”

“Yes, of course! I love hearing your scores in the context of this movie,” Thom grinned.

Jonny put the DVD on and turned off all the lights in his apartment, making it pitch black with nothing but the light from the TV screen shining in his living room area. He made himself comfortable next to Thom, who cuddled into him naturally. Jonny smiled and pressed play. 

Thom watched the movie unfold in front of his eyes but his mind paid more attention to Jonny’s hand rubbing his arm softly. He looked at Jonny who was focused intently on the movie. Thom’s mind flashed back to the night of Ed and Colin’s first date. The way it felt when Jonny’s fingers subtly rubbed against the back of his hand and the way he was so focused on the movie. It was like that feeling all over again but a hundred times better.

Right then, Thom felt like he had nothing to hide. Although there was still so much to figure out about himself, he was just fine at that moment. Jonny looked so beautiful and Thom felt so lucky to have him.

Thom placed his hand on Jonny’s cheek and placed a kiss on the other. Jonny looked at him while his fingers moved to his hair. They kissed each other softly on the lips. 

Thom pulled back slowly and whispered, “I wish I would’ve done this sooner.”

“No, shhh. Don’t have any regrets, Thom. You’re here right now and that’s all that matters,” Jonny softly spoke as his hands made his way down Thom’s body.

Thom nodded and kissed him again excitedly. The novelty of it all still made him jolt. What was even more exciting was the fact that his mom was going to meet him. It was like his first love all over again, except Jonny made him feel more things than any girl ever did. 

Jonny slowly pulled up Thom’s shirt, making him shiver at the feeling of Jonny’s fingers lingering over his back. He loved the feeling of Jonny touching him and he never wanted him to stop. Thom wanted to be with him forever.

Jonny pulled Thom on his lap so Thom was straddling him. Their lips remained locked. Thom’s hands buried themselves in Jonny’s hair, and he pulled gently, causing Jonny to moan against his lips softly.

They pulled back completely out of breath. This was a new typical thing, Thom assumed. He didn’t mind though, if Jonny wanted to steal his breath he would gladly give him his lungs. 

“I love you, Jonny,” he whispered in his ear and began kissing down his neck. His fingers tucked Jonny’s hair behind his ear.

Jonny moaned softly, “I love you too, Thom.”

Thom was already aroused at the sound that just escaped Jonny’s lips. He slowly removed his own shirt, while Jonny bit his lip. Thom kissed him all over trying to cover every inch of his body. Jonny giggled softly and laid his head back letting Thom take control, moaning softly at the feeling of Thom’s tongue swirling around his nipples. Thom already felt like he was going to cum in his pants because goddamn that was so sexy. 

Jonny decided it was his turn so he pushed Thom gently back onto the couch and kissed down his whole body. Jonny had a way of driving Thom crazy… his lips were so soft and he knew the right places to kiss him. After only one time of actually fucking each other, they knew each other like the back of their own hands. 

Thom arched his back slightly off the couch as Jonny kissed the skin above his pants.

Jonny stopped and giggled, “You’re a bit excited.”

Thom bit and his lip and nodded. His fingers tangled themselves in Jonny’s hair, who took this as a nod to move slower. He slowly unzipped his pants and to Thom, that was taking an eternity. He was basically crying in frustration at how slow Jonny was moving. 

“Jonny… please hurry!”

Jonny laughed, “Or what? You’ll come in your pants?”

“Yes!!” 

Jonny smirked at his anticipation. 

“Jonny, please,” Thom whimpered.

Jonny didn’t move. He just watched as Thom scrambled to get Jonny to blow him. His lip went in between his teeth. Every time Thom tried to touch himself, Jonny slapped his hand away.

“Jonnnnyyyyy,” Thom whined.

“What do you want?”

Thom was sweating, “I don’t know! I just want to feel you!” 

Jonny took that as an answer and he slowly licked the head of Thom’s dick, causing him to almost scream. Jonny smirked and took him in his mouth. Thom’s hands remained gripping to Jonny’s hair, and he was thrusting softly into Jonny’s mouth, making him moan and causing Thom to practically melt into the sheets. It was such a nice feeling having Jonny’s mouth around him, he didn’t want him to stop.

Eventually, Thom screamed releasing everything into Jonny’s mouth while his back was completely lifted off the couch. Jonny sat up and wiped some excess drool and come from the corner of his mouth. Thom kissed him so hard he could devour him at that moment.

“You taste so good,” Jonny giggled softly.

Thom continued to kiss him while he unbuttoned his pants. His fingers slipped down his underwear and he began stroking Jonny’s dick, who let out a deep breath. Thom sucked at his neck and Jonny moaned. Thom pushed Jonny’s pants off and took him his mouth. Jonny bent his head back and was practically crying. Thom smiled and kissed his tip.

“God, Thom,” Jonny sighed.

Thom kept moving his head up and down while Jonny thrusted slowly in his mouth. It felt so good.  _ Jonny tasted so good _ . Eventually, Jonny completely let himself go and released in Thom’s mouth. Thom spit it out while trying his hardest to swallow.

Jonny laughed, “Don’t like it?”

Thom giggled and shook and his head. Jonny just nodded and kissed him. They cuddled on the couch while the rest of the movie finished, even though they still didn’t pay much attention and just made out for the remaining time. 

After the movie finished, they laid there in completely darkness. Thom looked up at the ceiling and started to think of all the things that had led up to that moment. Right now, Jonny Greenwood was on the couch cuddling with him completely naked. He could’ve never dreamed of that, but there they were and Thom was quite content about it.

~~~~~~~

The next day, Jonny woke up feeling sticky. He glanced down at Thom, who was laying with his head on his chest in a deep sleep. His fingers ran through the smaller boy’s hair and he smiled and took it all in. His phone buzzed on the side table causing him to jump slightly, but soon he reached back and grabbed it - Colin was calling him.

“What, Cozzie?” Jonny tried to speak as quiet as possible trying not to wake Thom.

“Oh my god, Jonny. Last night was perfect. I’ll tell you all about it when I get back, which should be soon. I’m telling you this just in case, you know, Thom is there or something,” Colin announced on the other line.

“Okay,” he wiped his eyes, “Thanks for letting me know, I’m glad you had a good time. See you soon.”

“Bye!”

Jonny hung up and looked at the ceiling.

“Who was that?” He heard Thom ask quietly.

“Just my brother telling me he was coming soon, so we should probably get up.”

“I don’t want to... Why can’t we have some time together in peace?” Thom whined, frustrated.

“I know, Thom… After my brother leaves next week we can have all the time in the world,” Jonny promised.

“I don’t want to wait that long,” Thom kissed his chest causing a smile to form on Jonny’s lips.

“Me neither, but just be patient.”

Thom nodded and sat up. Jonny did the same and kissed him so passionately causing Thom to moan softly in his mouth.  _ God, he is so hot,  _ Jonny thought to himself.

“I love you, Jonny,” Thom whispered against his mouth.

Jonny still couldn’t believe any of  it was real, but it was. He loved Thom and Thom loved him. “I love you too, Thom,” Jonny returned.

Thom reached down to grab his clothes and put them on. Jonny stared for a moment admiring his beautiful boyfriend.

“You are so cute. Goddamn, Thom,” Jonny said as he attacked him, kissing his jawline and neck.

Thom giggled and kicked softly. Jonny kissed him all over his face and neck.

A few moments later, Colin barged in, “I am baaaaaaack!”

Faster than the speed of light, Jonny was up and quickly getting dressed.

“Seems like you guys had a good night too,” Colin suggested.

“We did!” Thom exclaimed, “It was perfect!” A smirk formed on his lips and Jonny blushed.

“How was your night with Ed?” Thom asked.

“Oh my god, don’t get me started!” Colin giggle, whilw. Jonny smiled at his brother’s happiness.

“What happened?” Thom asked curiously.

“Well, first he took me to a nice restaurant. It was perfect and we talked for what felt like forever. I feel like I know him on a whole different level. Like, Ed is so funny and he laughs a lot which is so cute. I really fell more in love with him last night,” Colin grinned and blushed.

“Did you guys fuck?” Thom laughed and Jonny nudged his head.

“What do you guys think?” Colin asked.

“Oh god ,Coz,” Jonny giggled.

“What? He asked and I gave an answer! But god, he is so hot. Like I could blow him every day if he asked.”

“OH MY GOD!” Jonny yelled while Thom was laughing hysterically, “Gross, Cozzie!”

“What? Is that as gross as me walking in on you and your tiny boyfriend—”

“Hey! Don’t call me tiny!” Thom interrupted.

“Sorry… boyfriend attacking each other like a fucking couple in a cheesy romance movie while you’re ass naked?” Colin laughed.

“Fuck you,” Jonny retaliated.

“Ed already did.”

“Oh my god,” Thom was practically dying of laughter and Jonny couldn’t help but adore him. Colin looked at his brother, who was admiring Thom like an idiot, and smiled, “So what’s for breakfast?”

“Well, I was thinking we could go out,” Jonny looked at his brother.

“Okay, sounds great!”

“I’ll leave then,” Thom announced after he wiped tears from his eyes from laughing so hard and stood up, “Bye, Jonny. I love you.”

Jonny grabbed his face and kissed him gently. “I love you too,” he whispered.

Thom smiled and walked out leaving the two brothers to themselves.

~~~~~~~~

Ed was frantically texting Thom to meet him. Thom obliged, considering he had nothing to do except pick his mom up from the station, but that was later. They met at their usual café and Ed was already there by the time Thom arrived.

Thom sat in the booth across from him, “Hey.”

“Hey, Thommy. How was your night?” He asked, but Thom knew he just wanted to talk about his night with Colin.

“How was yours?”

“You first,” Ed said.

“Okay. Well, I mean, it was pretty relaxed. We “watched” a movie, although we just ended up blowing each other. God, it was so hot... Jonny is so hot,” Thom sighed.

“Wow, Thommy,” Ed laughed.

“Sorry, too much?” Thom asked.

“No, it’s never. We’re best friends for a reason,” Ed smiled and Thom returned the grin.

“So, anyway your night?”

“Oh, it was great! Colin said it was the best night he ever had, which I take as a big compliment. We went out to that one French place, you know,  the name I can never pronounce that’s down the street from my place?” 

Thom nodded.

“Anyway, I got us reservations like weeks before because damn, that place is hard to get into. But it was still great. Colin speaks a bit of French, which is so sexy, like, he was totally showing off but I had a boner the minute I saw him and that made it worse... like, I was trying so hard not to explode in my pants.”

Thom laughed, “Wow.”

“And we talked for ages... He’s such a guy, I tell you. He’s so intelligent and knows what he’s talking about all the time. Also, he’s always so happy, I tell, the entire time he was smiling. He’s so cute, Thommy,” Ed smiled.

“Awwwww! You are so cute being in love,” Thom giggled.

“And then I suggested we’d go back to my place and like, the entire time in the cab back we made out, like, we could’ve practically fucked in the backseat but we have decency,” Ed giggled.

“Wow.”

“So yeah, it was perfect,” he finished.

“That’s great, Edco,” Thom smiled.

“Where the fuck are you getting all these names?!” Ed laughed.

“I just look it up on the internet before I see you and pick out my favorites.”

“Oh my god.”

They both shared a laugh and then went on to talk about an array of things especially books that Ed has been reading lately (mostly from Colin’s influence). Thom reminded himself to check out certain ones to read later. Life couldn’t get much better.

~~~~~~~

That night, Thom went to pick up his mother from the station. It would be the first time seeing her since he left to go play with the orchestra. He ran to her the minute he saw her exit the train.

“Hi mum!” He exclaimed.

“Thomas!” She yelled as she wrapped him in her arms, “How are you? Long time no see!”

“I’m great, mum. How was your trip?”

“Long,” She giggled, “I’m ready to lay down.”

“Okay.” 

Thom grabbed her bags and they walked back to his apartment. On the way back, Thom told her everything that had happened over the past few weeks and how excited he was to have her see this performance. It was going to be his best after all. His mom just smiled and congratulated him on scoring a mate and a duet with Jonny. Thom blushed the whole time.

“I can’t wait to meet him,” his mom said.

“I’m excited for you to meet him too. He’s as great as you could possibly imagine,” Thom smiled at the thought of his boyfriend.

Only a few days to go and Thom was excited. He was excited for the performance and for his mom to meet Jonny. It was going to be the best night of Thom’s night, truly.

~~~~~~~~~~


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is! The final chapter! :D   
> I just want to take a quick minute to thank everyone cause I'm soppy. Thanks to Ana who was my beta for most of the story your help was always appreciated. :D And Gaja for always sending me all cap messages and tons of emojis you are the best and your encouragement always meant the world to me I love you. And thank you to everyone who read this almost 800 reads combined on AO3 and on the archive which blows my mind I never thought I'd ever get people to read it. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it.   
> Also I'm not gonna lie I had a tear or two writing this chapter :')  
> Anyways I'll let you get to reading!  
> Enjoy and thanks for everything! :D

Chapter 12

That was it. It was the big performance day. Thom couldn’t sleep at all the night before from the excitement and nerves -but mostly nerves. Most of his nights were spent tossing and turning in his bed and texting Jonny, in which he would most likely reply:

**You’ll be alright, Thom, just go to sleep. I love you.**

But he didn’t feel alright. He felt sick and scared. 

Eventually, he just gave up and went downstairs to cook breakfast. He looked at the clock and groaned. It was 6:32 am and he didn’t have to be at practice until ten. He wanted to text Jonny, but he figured he was still sleeping, so he just sat on the couch and watched TV quietly because his mom and dad were sleeping with their door wide open. It was nice to have his parents in town after his dad went through hell and back to get time off to see him, and his brother was coming up this afternoon. The day was going to be perfect, so why was Thom so nervous?

~~~~~~~

After taking forty years from Thom’s life, he left for practice after hugging his mom and dad goodbye. He rushed to the hall where he saw Jonny sitting by himself on the stage. He walked on and hugged Jonny from behind.

“Hey, Thom,” Jonny greeted as he wrapped his hands around Thom’s arms.

“Hi,” Thom said back to him and kissed his cheek.

Jonny bent his head back, “How are you? Finally got to sleep?”

Thom giggled and kissed him, “I’m nervous and no.”

“You’ll be alright.”

Thom nodded and kissed him again and Jonny kissed him back. Thom’s breath was already taken away and it’s only mid-morning.

“What are you wearing tonight?” Thom asked.

“You’ll see,” Jonny whispered, “Hopefully it will turn you on or else it will be worthless.”

Thom spoke softly back to him, “I’m already horny thinking about it.”

Jonny laughed and kissed him quickly.

Hugh walked in, causing them to quickly pull apart and Thom quickly sat down at the piano. He played a random set of notes to warm up his fingers. People started to slowly trickle in and Thom got more nervous. 

Hugh asked for everyone’s attention before they got started, “Okay, so today is the big day and we’re expecting a big crowd tonight, which is exciting!” Everyone agreed. “I just want to make sure you guys are here an hour before show time. I want to get you guys in the zone before we play, so we’ll do some meditations and stuff. Also wear your best because some people will be recording it. Any questions before we get started?” He asked.

Everyone shook their head. They’ve all been through this before so it was pretty straight forward. 

“Okay great! Let’s play through no stopping. We’ll go through the whole show like it would be performed tonight.”

Everyone nodded and assumed their positions. Thom took a deep breath and looked at Jonny who was smiling at him. He smiled back and blushed slightly. Hugh counted off and Thom began to focus. It was not going to be a day where he messes up because he can’t focus. 

They played through their pieces. Everyone was just as focused as he was making sure they wouldn’t mess up. The whole orchestra was doing great and Thom was actually quite proud of everyone. They gave it their all and every piece was played as close to perfection as you could get. 

After an hour and Hugh addressing some miniscule things, practice was over. It hadn’t even reached noon yet. Thom had the rest of the day to kill but he was just going to go home and drown in his nervousness.

As he was packing up, Phil approached him. “Hey.”

“Hey, Phil, what’s up?” Thom asked standing up.

“Well, nothing much, just a bit nervous for tonight but you know, that’s usual. I actually have a question.”

“What?”

“Well, I was thinking after the big show tonight we all go out. Ed and his boyfriend, Lucille, me, Jonny, you. Sounds good? Ed said it was great and he was going to ask Colin. Lucille also agreed.”

“Sounds perfect!” Thom smiled.

“Great!”

Jonny walked up, “I heard my name.”

Phil giggled, “Just wondering if you want to go out with all of us after the show. You know… have a few drinks to unwind,” he glanced at Thom, “Only a few drinks.”

Thom laughed and Jonny nodded, “Sounds good!” Jonny’s arm wrapped around his boyfriend’s waist causing Thom to practically melt. He also loved when Jonny touched him.

“Great! See you tonight guys!” Phil exclaimed as he grabbed his stuff and walked out.

Thom looked at Jonny, “Everything sounds great, doesn’t it?”

“Sounds amazing! And your playing is so, so, so good,” Jonny complimented as he buried his head in Thom’s neck and placed a small kiss.

Thom giggled, “Thanks!”

“You’re welcome, Thommy.”

Thom smiled at his use of his nickname and ran his fingers through Jonny’s hair, “I should go, I’m taking my parents out for lunch.”

“Okay,” Jonny stood up straight, “I’ll see you tonight.”

They kissed each other quickly and Thom walked out. 

~~~~~~~

Thom took his parents out to lunch. Most of the time was spent talking about Jonny and how excited he was for them to meet him. Thom realized during this conversation how much he really talked about him. His mom even kept saying, “You talk about Jonny way too much.” And while he laughed, he did realize how much he was repetitive. But he loved him and this relationship was new, so it was a typical for anyone to talk about their significant other like this.

“Let’s talk about your performance,” his dad suggested.

“What about it?” Thom asked.

“Are you excited?”

“Well, yeah, but I’m more nervous. This is a huge show for me and I don’t want to screw it up, you know?” He sighed, “But I’m still excited.”

“That’s good, Thomas. You’ll do great, I assure you,” his dad said.

“Thanks, dad. You won’t be disappointed, that’s for sure,” Thom smiled.

“You never disappoint us, Thom,” his mom promised.

“You guys are the best parents ever.”

~~~~~~~

Jonny spent his afternoon out with Colin buying some clothes for him to wear to the big performance. He wanted to impress Ed, so he practically begged Jonny to take him out. Jonny hastily agreed and now they were in Burberry, balls deep in clothes that Colin was trying on. 

“Do you think he’d like this?” He had on a different colored plaid shirt that fit loosely and black jeans.

“Don’t you think this is a bit expensive for your taste?” Jonny suggested.

“Maybe a bit, but I want to look good for him.”

“Colin, he loves you and he won’t care what you wear.”

“Yeah… I don’t know. I just… It’s been forever since I’ve had someone that I love so much. I’m old, Jonny. We’re both old. Like, I want to remember what it felt like to be like I was when I was 20,” Colin sighed.

Jonny suddenly realized how old the two of them actually were, “Thanks for bringing that up, Cozzie.” He nudged his shoulder and giggled.

“So maybe I want to try new things... Yeah, I’ll be like five hundred pounds in debt, but at least I’ll look good,” Colin giggled.

“Fine, buy whatever you want. I wouldn’t wear that shirt with those jeans though,” Jonny laughed.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Colin said as he rushed back to the dressing room.

Jonny sat and waited for him to finish when he walked out in a nice light blue shirt, almost white, paired with a black sweater over top and a pair of black trousers. 

“Holy shit, Coz. You wear that and Ed will probably bang you on the stage. It looks so good!”

“You think so?” Colin asked.

“Yes! I will totally buy it for you,” Jonny giggled.

“Great!”

After that, he and Colin looked around some more for things Jonny could wear. They spent a total two thousand pounds. Jonny sweated when he signed the receipt but it was worth it. He was pretty rich after all and Colin wasn’t too far off either. 

“Are you going to wear your outfit to the show tonight?” Colin asked.

“Yeah, of course. Thom will be drooling over me for sure,” Jonny laughed.

“I bet he will. He’ll probably fumble onto the stage when he sees you!” Colin giggled along with him.

~~~~~~~

The time came for the soloists to meet before the performance and Thom was so antsy. He sat in a circle with the others. Phil on one side and Ed on the other. Hugh was going through meditation to channel everyone’s good energy into each other, so everyone was holding hands.

“This is stupid,” Phil leaned over and whispered.

“I know,” Thom agreed.

“You have soft hands though. Like, how do you do it?” He asked.

“Um,” Thom giggled softly and leaned into his ear and whispered, “I have Jonny come on my hand and I just rub it in. It works like a miracle,” He paused for a second, “No, I just moisturize really well.”

Phil tried to really hard not to burst out laughing but failed. Everyone stopped and looked to him and soon everyone else was laughing along. Situations are always funnier when you can’t laugh, after all.

“Well, this is good. See, we are laughing together,” Hugh said like he was a Zen know-it-all.

Thom and Phil laughed at his comment. Ed looked at him, “What is up with you two?”

“Nothing,” Thom assured still giggling.

“Yeah, okay.”

Jonny walked in and Thom stopped instantly, taking in Jonny’s appearance. He looked like a sin. He had a black jacket on with a black shirt underneath, with black jeans and a nice pair of black shoes. Thom was trying to calm himself down and not ultimately come in his pants. 

“Holy shit,” he whispered.

Ed and Phil were both laughing at Thom practically drooling all over himself. 

“Sorry I’m late. my brother got caught up at the station because he apparently looked ‘suspicious,’” Jonny apologized. 

“That’s okay, Jonny, we were just finishing up,” Hugh said, “So anyone have any questions about tonight?” 

Everyone shook their head and went their separate ways. Thirty minutes until performance.

Jonny walked up to Thom and smiled, “I see you like this.” He gestured to his outfit.

“Oh my god, I love it. I’m trying my best not to have you take me right now,” Thom whispered.

“I told you,” Jonny giggled and placed a soft kiss on his jawline.

“Can you not right now? I can’t go out on stage looking like I pissed myself,” Thom giggled.

“Okay, I’ll stop,” Jonny kissed his cheek, “Are you nervous?”

Thom nodded.

“Don’t be. You’ll do great, I promise.”

Thom nodded again and interlocked his fingers with Jonny’s, who smiled and kissed his hand causing him to blush. He was going to be alright if Jonny had something to say.

Time came for the performance and they all walked out on stage. Thom took four deep breaths before he placed his hands on his keys. The crowd was so big he had never seen a crowd this large before, and everyone was cheering and applauding. He looked at Jonny, who gave him a reassuring smile.  _ You can do this, Thom _ , he thought to himself.

Hugh counted off their first song after the crowd died down a bit. Thom played. He pictured himself playing in his room trying to figure out all the notes to Jonny’s songs. The record would be playing in the background and his mom and dad would stand at the door watching him. Suddenly, he was at peace and no longer nervous. If he messed up that was okay, because it was part of human nature. Everyone sounded great and Thom buried himself in the sound.

After the first song was over, Thom sat back in his bench and exhaled. He wasn’t playing for their next song,  _ There Will Be Blood, _ so he just sat on his bench and looked at Jonny, who gave him a smile and a thumbs up. Thom smiled back and blushed a bit.

He watched as the strings played but all he was focused on was the next piece. It was Jonny and Thom’s solo. The nerves suddenly kicked in again but a hundred times worse, and he felt like he could throw up at any instant. He tried to breathe but it was like his lungs had collapsed. 

After the strings finished, Jonny leaned over and whispered to him, “You’ll do great. I promise. Don’t be nervous.”

“I don’t want to mess up,” Thom shared.

“It’s okay if you do. But remember that night when we kissed for the first time?” Jonny asked.

Thom nodded.

“Think about that night, how relaxed you were… Don’t think about the times we stopped, but think about just me and you on the stage alone. No crowd. Nothing. Take a few deep breaths and when you’re ready we’ll start,” Jonny smiled.

Thom took in a few deep, shaky, breaths and got in his ready position. Jonny looked at him and nodded. Thom started and pictured that night after practice. It was just him and Jonny and no one else. He looked over at Jonny who was so focused on his piece. He smiled at his beautiful boyfriend and then he wasn’t nervous anymore. It was so dark you couldn’t even see the crowd. It was just like that night all over again. Just without all the kissing and stopping. 

There came a part in this song that was almost like a conversation. Jonny would play and then Thom would play. Jonny then Thom and so on. It was perfect. The piano and ondes sounded so beautiful together it was almost like a match made in heaven. Like him and Jonny. This part was Thom’s favorite for that reason. It was like they were telling each other something but only he and Jonny knew what it meant. He smiled to himself. 

They finished the piece together and Thom looked at Jonny. He wore the biggest smile on his face. Jonny smiled back and him and nodded, “You did great, Thom.”

“It was perfect,” Thom acknowledged.

“It really was,” Jonny agreed.

The next piece was a solo by a cellist. After he was done, Thom heard the loudest cheers he’s ever heard before. It was incredible as it always was in practice. But in that night, everyone was giving their absolute best so it took Thom’s breath away. The crowd even gave a standing ovation.

The next song Thom also sat out in, so he just watched Jonny play slowly on his guitar even though Lucille blocked most of his view. He smiled at her and she gave a quick smile back. He leaned over to get a better view of Jonny. His hair covered his face and he played his guitar so softly.

The following was a Jonny solo on his guitar. Thom watched as Jonny played, and it was killing him how good Jonny actually looked there - he was made for the guitar. He tried so hard to calm down his hard on that was effortlessly forming, but the piece was a long one and to Thom it seemed to last an eternity. His boyfriend was so hot and suddenly he realized how hot he actually was. Jonny was a sex god.

After that was finished, it was time for one of Thom’s favorite pieces Jonny had done,  _ Application 45 Version 1 _ . Even though he wasn’t playing in that one either, he watched his friends as they focused intently on the piece as they played. He sat there focused intently on the sounds they were making. The crowd was going to be pleased with this performance, he could feel it.

The next song Thom got to start out. It was a new piece Jonny had written called  _ Miniature _ . Jonny looked at him and gave another reassuring smile, but Thom didn’t need it anymore. He was perfectly fine. Along with Jonny, Ed and Phil were also playing so he was surrounded by his good friends and boyfriend, which is what made it so relaxing. If he messed up, the other guys got him. 

Thom started the piece softly like how it was written, and he played for a good few moments before Ed, Phil and Jonny all came in. It sounded amazing. All four of them were in it together and Thom grinned. Ed was the star of the show on this piece and Thom could definitely tell that he was showing off. The way his body moved and the way he seemed to exaggerate everything made Thom giggle softly as he played. They finished and Thom smiled at his friends who nodded back at him. He looked at Jonny who was giving him a proud look.

Next piece was one that Lucille and a violist, Jimmy, played together. The two of them always worked well together and they begged Hugh to let them play it for the show. He agreed after he saw how well they worked and played together. And in that night, they gave it their all. It was so gorgeous Thom actually almost shed a tear. 

Next up was another Jonny piece,  _ Sweetness of Freddie.  _ This song was always so emotional for Thom. Everyone made it more emotional, which actually caused a tear to stream down Thom’s face. He sat there and closed his eyes and paid attention to every note they played. 

Once they finished, it was Lucille’s solo piece. Hugh said it should be one of the last because this piece would make a lasting impression. And boy did it. Lucille played with such might and force. This song made her look like a badass on the violin. Well, she was a badass on the violin, but most of the time she never got to showcase that talent. Now she was by herself on that stage playing a song that would not only showcase all her talent, but would probably make anyone drop to the floor. She finished and again the crowd gave such a loud applause.

Then came the final piece. Thom was quite depressed that that moment actually came. All these weeks of preparation and it would finally be over. He sat at his piano and watched as Jonny started off the final piece on his guitar. Then came the strings. The guitar and the strings seemed to work in such harmony. It was breathtaking. 

The moment seemed to go by like a blink of an eye, because suddenly the crowd was cheering and Jonny gestured to everyone. Everyone bowed as the crowd gave a standing ovation. In all of his short career, he’s never heard a crowd go that crazy. Everyone was smiling at each other as they exited to go back stage.

“Oh my god, that was amazing!” Lucille was practically screaming.

“I know!” Ed and Thom exclaimed in unison.

“You guys did amazing,” Hugh complimented. 

“I agree. Great job everyone!” Jonny nodded and smiled. 

Thom, who was practically on fire from adrenaline, run up to him and leapt in his arms hugging him tightly. Jonny grabbed tight onto him so he wouldn’t fall. 

“You did great, Thommy, I’m so proud of you. You were so amazing,” Jonny seemed to give never ending compliments.

“It was everything I could’ve dreamed of,” Thom said with his head buried into Jonny’s shoulder, “Thank you.”

“I love you so much, Thom.”

“I love you too, Jonny.” 

They kissed. Everyone stood back just watching as the couple shared a big kiss. Lucille, Ed, and Phil just giggled and hugged each other in a celebratory embrace. 

Thom pulled back once he heard his mother coming backstage. Jonny let him down and introduced himself to Thom’s parents. 

“Oh, you are a cute one aren’t you?” His mother got excited and started pinching Jonny’s cheeks as Thom laughed.

“I know, he’s the cutest,” Thom agreed.

Jonny blushed and nudged Thom’s shoulder. 

“Thom never shuts up about you. It’s a pleasure to meet,” his dad greeted as they shook hands, “You are a master at the guitar, I tell you.”

“Thank you, sir. It was the second instrument I learned how to play and I never put it down,” Jonny explained, “It’s my favorite.”

Thom walked over to Ed who was practically eating Colin’s face off. 

“Hey, Ed?”

Ed pulled back and Colin greeted, “Hey, Thom! Lovely performance!”

“Thanks,” Thom and Colin hugged.

“What did you want, Thommy?” Ed asked.

“Are you and Colin still going out with us?”

“Of course!” Ed answered.

“Great!”

Thom walked off and ran to a lady that looked a lot like Colin and Jonny. Thom assumed it was their mother.

“You must be Thom!” She exclaimed.

“In the flesh.”

“Oh, Jonny has told me alllll about you! You are even cuter in person,” She said kissing his cheek.

Thom blushed and smiled, “Thanks.”

“You did amazing, Thom. That solo with Jonny was so beautiful,” She complimented.

“Thank you. I picked it because it was easy, but it became something more for us, I think. It was perfect for us.”

She hugged him and Thom hugged back, “Jonny sure knows how to pick them,” she pulled back, “I swear when he told me he was gay I was thinking, ‘oh no. No one is going to fall in love with him. I mean he’s old now.’ But when he told me he met you and how he talked about you I was so excited that someone gave him the time of day.”

“He’s a very handsome man. The minute I saw him I knew I was in trouble,” he giggled, “He’s perfect.”

“He really is. I’ve done a good job, on both my boys,” she added.

“You really did. Ed is actually my best friend and he talks about Colin all the time. He really adores him. Plus, they make a good match. You know the nerds that they are,” Thom giggled.

She laughed, “Yeah, I’m glad he’s also found someone. I’ll be visiting London a lot, I’m sure.”

Thom nodded, “It was lovely meeting you!”

“You too!” She exclaimed as Thom walked off to meet up with Phil who was getting ready to leave.

“Are we still hanging tonight?” Thom asked.

“Of course!”

“Great! I’ll meet you there!”

~~~~~~~

Everyone, Thom, Jonny, Ed, Colin, Phil, and Lucille crowded around a table in a pub. They all laughed, and drank, and laughed and drank. They covered various topics from the performance to the double wedding that Thom, Jonny, Colin, and Ed were going to have.

“Why do you have to bring this up?!” Thom asked.

“It’s in my nature, Thom,” Lucille answered.

Phil laughed and Thom threw a chip at him, “Hey! The wedding would be totally amazing. Just saying.”

“Fuck you two,” Thom laughed.

Jonny kissed his cheek, “Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.”

“Are you proposing?” Thom asked.

The whole table erupted in laughter at the couple.

“No. Still need at least some time before I know that you’re actually the one. But you know, maybe for future reference.”

Ed laughed, “No way! I’m not having a double wedding.”

Colin agreed.

“That’s fine. Our wedding will be better than yours anyway. Lucille will plan it for us since she seems good at it,” Thom joked.

“Yeah! I would totally plan your wedding,” Lucille high fived him.

“Fine. We’ll get Phil to plan ours,” Ed retaliated.

“You must really want a shitty wedding then,” Phil said and everyone laughed again.

“Well, fuck you Phil, you were supposed to take our side and talk about how great it would be,” Colin pouted.

“Ohhh, I got you. Their wedding will be the best because,” he paused to think, “There will be a lot of… People and… food.”

Ed and Colin face palmed while the others laughed at Phil’s sorry attempt.

“Your wedding will be so much better,” Lucille acknowledged.

“You know it!” Thom exclaimed sharing a quick kiss with Jonny.

“Speaking of romance. I met someone guys,” Lucille said.

“Ohhhh!! Spill,” Phil joked.

“Shut up, you bastard,” Lucille playfully slapped his arm.

“Let me guess, you guys are together now,” Thom took a wild shot.

“Well, you aren’t wrong,” Lucille replied.

Thom almost spit out his beer. Ed laughed at his reaction.

“No way! That’s what I least expected,” Jonny said.

“Wow, thanks, Jonathan,” Phil used his full name.

“No, not in a bad way. I mean like… You know… You guys seem the opposite of each other. Lucille is an open book and you’re more quiet and reserved,” Jonny explained.

“Not really, Phil is super open when you get to know him better. Plus, we’ve only been on like two dates,” Lucille said.

“Triple wedding it is!” Colin jumped in.

“Oh, dear god,” Ed giggled.

So the couples stayed out for a while. Talking about everything there was to talk about. They could never run out of things to speak.

This was something Thom could’ve never dreamed or imagined, for that matter. Considering the fact he didn’t even like guys up until this point, it was still different to have a boyfriend. And he had a lot of great friends surrounding him. He thought of all the things that led up to this moment, and where everything could possibly go, but he stopped that voice in his head. His whole life was revolved around making plans for his future and learning everything from the past. He never actually stepped back to pause and live in the moment and that’s what he was going to do now. Even though there was still uncertainty on who he actually was and where he wanted to go, he needed to focus on what he had right now.  He had a dream significant other and five other friends to share his life with. Even if ten years down the road, they all never spoke to each other, Thom would look back at all of this and feel joyful about every single minute he spent with these people. He smiled to himself and thanked his lucky stars that everything was turning out alright.

~~~~~~~~~~


End file.
